Match Preview

The Saint.

Touchlines.

After a two year celestial hiatus, The Saint returns to find the world a vastly different place, and Anselmians so much poorer for the passing of such iconic figures as Terry McNicholas, Ken Butchart, Terry Moore and John Campbell.

The biggest shock, however, occurred in June when the nation split into “Leave” and “Remain” camps. In a sometimes fractious and illogical debate with verifiable facts at a premium, both sides quoted arbitrary figures but, in the end, the vote was an unequivocal 52% to 48%, so MEXIT, the departure of Simon Mason was complete. The people had spoken.

“Leave” campaigners rejoiced that the club would be saving £350 million a week, but the “Remain” camp was saddened that all of the three-capped international’s representative shirts would be removed from the clubhouse and would be displayed in a rather rundown, shabby wooden shebeen in Park Road North, Birkenhead.

Already the siren warnings about MEXIT are coming true. Since dropping back into South Lancashire/Cheshire Division 1 in 2013, Anselmians have travelled to Melrose Avenue, Hoylake and thrashed the home team by one point in three consecutive League meetings. (2013; W13-12, 2014; W 21-20; 2015: W13-12. Go on, check! Ed.) Within months of Mason’s departure, last Saturday, Anselmians were pipped 21-19. This is an inauspicious start for the new 1st XV coach, Jim O’Loughlin.

The impossibly young-looking supremo was phlegmatic. “This is the first time the ‘Lake have beaten us in six League meetings, but it was only a practice game and, obviously, relegation has motivated them. We were mid-table complacent.”
Looking uncannily like Belgian cartoon character Tin Tin’s slightly older, more cerebral brother, he was positive about the future.
“Look at the success of the minis and juniors. Look at the youngsters who’ve seamlessly woven into the 1st XV. Look at the numbers at pre-season training. Look at the benefits which are accruing from our elite training partnership with AFYA in the academy” he drooled.
“Billions of bilious blue blistering barnacles in a thundering typhoon! Ya still couldn’t beat Hoylake,” muttered Jim McKenzie, looking suspiciously like Captain Haddock.

Today we welcome Shotton RFC who play in the Swalec Welsh National League Division 2 (North), where they finished a respectable third last season. Members of a certain age will remember visiting Queensferry in the 1970s to play occasional midweek friendlies at the beginning and end of the season.
It seems an age away, but it is good to renew our connection. We were always welcome and royally entertained, so much so that many Anselmians didn’t believe we were in Wales.

Meanwhile, as was feared, the implications of BREXIT are unclear. Will this stop Scott Tunna crossing borders and swapping clubs on a regular basis? Is Taff Jones an economic migrant?
On a more sobering note, there are worrying signs. 1st XV forwards coach and Anselmians legend, Steve Pilgrim, thought that BREXIT is what happens when an overweight Yorkshire woman sits on a flimsy garden chair.

Laters!

The Saint.