ASHINGTON JW RFC

Another week closer to the start of the new season and tensions at the club are running high. Much has happened at the club in recent times to challenge the unity of the club. There have been fall outs left right and centre; not least of all one or two beer bellies at training still looking likely to fall out of their shirts. Stick at it fat lads- more work we do now, the easier it will be come September. Well done to anyone who has attended any of the training sessions so far, including the return of ex junior player, Martin “Shrek” Blenkinsopp who has hit all three sessions and his obvious enthusiasm has not gone unnoticed.

It is such a real shame that the efforts of players at training have been tarnished by the behaviour of a small minority.

Fall out 1: Not strictly official ARFC business but since it took place on the hallowed turf of the Rec., Graham Murdie’s post match whinge last week cannot pass without mention- not many teams will throw 100+ points at the opposition and still be berated by their coach. But as I alluded to last week, it is easy to score lots of tries in League and so perhaps you can score 1000 points and still play poorly.

In response to Graham’s behaviour, several key players for the Miners did the sensible grown up thing- told his daddy! Some threatened not to play in the next match though I believe these issues have now been resolved.

Fall out 2: Also last week but a running story that has been going on since their schooldays by all accounts, battle of the heavyweights; Chip Shop Tom vs. Denty. To summarise, these boys have never exactly been considered bosom buddies- so what? In rugby, as in all walks of life you will encounter people you don’t get on with- most of us are man enough to cope with this and get along for the greater good. Anyway about a year ago (in the dangerous waters of pre-season) Denty had a pretty terrible leg break; requiring lots of morphine and a few testy nights in hospital with a very strict matron who would not even let him out for a tab break. The cause of this horror show injury was Chip Shops Muscular physique crashing against brittle bone. So Denty has not played rugby for a year and looks unlikely to be starting again anytime soon.

Being the social diva he is, Denty has still loitered the club for large parts of the past twelve months, mostly in the whisky round with Hilly and whichever other chumps they can get to join in (to those unaware of this- never join the whisky round!!!!!) Whilst Denty has been side-lined the club has understandably been unsympathetic- of course it’s fun to take the p*ss out of the chubby ginger lad with a broken leg. But Chip Shop Tom seemed to carry on the joke long after the rest of us found other people to insult. Poor little Dent appears to have drained of patience on this line of abuse.

That little back story brings us up to last Saturday in a nutshell. Now I was only present for the beginning of the evening so I’m recounting events relayed to me by others so feel free to correct me if I’m wrong but it supposedly goes something like;

• Both parties have a few beers
• Chip Shop brings up the subject of the leg break…..again…again…again…again
• Denty bites
• Chip Shop bites
• There is more smack talk than a Glasgwegian heroin den
• Both parties get told to quit the sh*t
• They don’t
• They get sent home.

That’s it. That’s it! Now we’ve all had an argument at the club after a few beers but the next morning it’s all forgotten, if remembered at all. There is no need to wang on about it on facebook to anyone and everyone- ironic coming from me as I am now doing just that. Anyway, nobody took sides and both lads were just as pathetic as one another. End of it. Move on.

It is possibly just coincidental but Chip Shop was recently listed as “single,” but a few hours ago this changed to “in a relationship.” Perhaps this was a sign that the boys have fought through their lovers tiff. Or perhaps Andrew Lamb has provided a better, certainly more humorous explanation- questioning whether Chip Shops relationship change was as a result of his hand being fully functional again. A stolen joke I know but too good not to include.

Fall out 3: When most of us were oblivious to the spat, this was brought to my attention by upstanding gentlemen of the club, Duncan and Hilly.

It is well documented that Gippa has spent the last year slowly morphing into his idol, Cooper. Wearing matching clothes, shoes and hairstyles, Gippa’s infatuation has been branded cute by some, disturbing by others. However, I can now officially reveal that Gippa’s crush has ended, or at least switched the focus of his desire.

It was apparent for all to see on Thursday night. Growing his hair on the sides whilst retaining an air of shiny grace on top has left Cooper all alone as Gippa now resembles his new fixation far closer- Stuart “Gwylngoch Twyllchogogh Ystywthconll” Rosser. Rumours are rife that Gippa is taking welsh lessons from Harry to further his likeness to our new coach and according to Duncan, Gippa was seen siging up to the Post Code Lottery to strengthen his Welsh links.

Will Cooper cope without his not so mini me? Will Gippa wear a wooly fleece to the next training session? Will someone break Denty’s other leg so we have something else to talk about? All will be revealed…

Farewell

Beer Tin