ASPULL RFC

I have been sent this message by the FRU please read carfeully as we do not want to cross them not sure were it originated but i was told to publish it

Update from the FRU Happy New Year 2012
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the FRU we are a SECRET society (so secret that even some of our members don’t know they are members )made up of a band of men who have been outcast to the Front Row of Rugby by others who are too scared to venture there themselves.
Send in the Fat lads !!!
bit like the days of the trenches!!!!
It is a while since our last correspondence and lots of things have changed since we last notified our Bretheren .
But I believe Aspull vets still havn’t lost !!!!.
One of the most significant things to occur was the untimely loss of our most leather of leather necks -------------- those of you familiar with the FRU will know him as the man who taught all front row forwards everything they know and those who don’t know who I mean are obviously not worthy.

Many people ask what makes a member of the FRU how do I apply ??
The answer is you don’t apply you are Chosen by the secret society and those lucky enough will know who they are there are no badges no letters to say come and join us you just know if you have been selected.

Aspull has for many years been a heavy subscriber to the cause with several high ranking officers in our upper echelons of the society. They know who they are and they are proud to be associated with such a fine upstanding bunch of men.
The RFU (yes the RFU its not miss spelt) have on many occasions caused our brotherhood many problems

Calling for front rows to be fitter (tossers)

Crouch / touch / pause / engage (xxxxxxxs they should know that front rows can only concentrate on one thing at once !!!!!!

Despite the best efforts of the men from Twickers we have are own set of rules
Rule 5 subsection 6.2 paragraph 4 Ignore the arses at Twickers and just have a good old fashioned scrum.

We have noted several new potentials for our most secret of secret societies
We do not normally divulge names but these lot will never get in the society anyway !!!!!!


Adam Vaal
(ADJ) has many of the attributes associated with our members he drinks to excess he is always partying but unfortunately he does most of this in season which is highly frowned upon by the FRU unless it’s a tour of course or has been given special dispensation as yet I have not seen any Request ADJ !!!!

Andy Coop
Andy has many attributes required for inclusion in the FRU and for many years been knocking on the door of the FRU to try and gain membership but let me ask you all Would you answer the door to Coopy and if you did would you let him In. I rest my case !!!

Dave Joey Heaton
Joey has plied his trade in the front row for many years without really gaining the recognition he has deserved . It’s not an easy place to play rugby in the front row maybe some backs should try it. The reason Joey has not received the recognition is because people do not recognise his outstanding talent and if anyone can prove he has any talent please let me know (if you new who I was of course ). He was under serious consideration for inclusion until that incident at Chorley when he ran onto the pitch with his headguard back to front . he was just unlucky that one of our senior members was at the game and spotted it. Maybe next time Joey !!!

Ian ‘Scouse’ Robertson
A relative newcomer to the Aspull club I believe Scouse is seen as the old style front row loves to scrum and always involved in the rucks and mauls he also likes a drink or 2 after the game HIGHLY COMMENDED. He came highly recommended for a membership until we realised he RATINS I mean TAIRNS no NARTIS (never could spell that word) O you know what I mean Runs around on a Tuesday and Thursday and to make it worse he text fellow prospective members and tries to encourage them to join Him SHAME ON YOU !!!

Stu Rhino Alston
Stus name has been put up for nomination on several occasions over the years his attributes make him a strong contender. He loves Food he drinks he never goes near the club on Tuesday and Thursday despite Scouse’s text . but the FRU is such a difficult society to gain membership to and we have strict rules and whilst we do not condone Running around too much a little bit if effort is required . Man tired can be heard everytime Big Stu plays but never heard it said after tying his boot laces before the game !!! Big Stu Rhino Alston holds the distinction of being the only Man ever to be disregarded from possible inclusion in the FRU for being TOO LAZY !!!



Darren Boss Hogg Whitfield
A body made for Front row .Darren is highly commended for his rugby ability great hands good step but you would think at his age and after the years of playing rugby he would know what a Bloody Ruck Was. He avoids them like he avoids salad . In fact he would sooner stand near their Damien than join a ruck but it is a close call . and take some advice you are less likely to get punched in a ruck than stood next to Damien !! Try it you might enjoy it ! Maybe not

Christian Walsh
Had emerged as a serious contender for inclusion until his recent bad luck when he chipped a finger nail. Whilst claiming to be injured to miss running around on a Tuesday or Thursday could be acceptable doing it to avoid playing Saturday is not !! even if you do it so you can go on the piss ( we did consider this a reasonable excuse ). Another reason for Chrsitian’s failure to make the cut was his Dad now Jimmy himself was a front row forward alledgedly but then became A referee how funny is that Jimmy thought he was Ref !!! we just think he liked the Yellow Shirt .Keep working at it Christian you do have potential but word of advice ditch your dad.



Some people think that the FRU is a made up society but gentlemen be aware you never know who is watching. Spies on the Wutchy in the changing rooms and in the Bar of course. They may even turn up at RATINS I mean TAIRNS no NARTIS there I go again you know what I mean just to check who is there. The most secret of secret societies never rest in their quest for top quality highly qualified Front Row members who have given their lives to the cause and deserve some recognition for their efforts over many years .MI5 have taken lessons from the FRU selection process and commend us on our work and strict membership criteria taking many years to achieve membership through blood sweat but No tears . alternatively all applications written on the back of a used £20 note will be treated favourably send all £20 notes to PO box 123 FRU Walk FRU world

Thank you for your time gentlemen

FRU representative
I would sign it but the FRU are so secret I don’t even know who I am myself
all names and content of this article are purely fictitious and any resemblance to anyone you know is pure coincidence anyone wishing to complain can Get Lost !
or write on the back of a used £20 note and send to the above address

I'm so used to going backwards in the scrum that it felt more natural to wear the scrum cap back to front.

The reason i don't go into rucks i mean i cant, and stay on the fringe is so that if i need to attend any meetings nod nod wink wink.After the recent game against Eccles i could not resume my regular position for Roby I TOLD HIM I STOOD ERE,i may have to go and stand next to meadows 2 rugby league props together now thats a thought.

christian im not sure about that not being party to the working of the FRU i am merely a messenger (nudge nudge wink wink)
there does appear to be some movement within the affore mentioned personnel to make efforts towards gaining FRU status execept for Big Stu who hasnt moved anywhere again !!!

i did hear that Scouse was interested and even offered to hold the Tainring graitin that running around thing at the Balc i would pass on his attempts to redeem himself ,if of course i knew who to pass them onto !!!!

Whilst Danny may have slowed down from his prime I did not realise he wished to be considered for FRU.



[Post Edited Friday 10th of February 2012 04:29 PM]