With more first team wickets than anyone over the past few years to go with a fair smattering of runs and catches plucked with his bucket hands at gully, you would think this would make him the happiest man at the club. Wrong. With a demeanor that makes Gus Fraser look like H from Steps, the only time you tend to see Beaker smile is at someone else’s misfortune. Often found sulking crammed behind the door of the changing room. Owner of a cover drive that would make Ian Bell blush, his right arm seam is a cunning variety of slow half volleys mixed with even slower half volleys. This tends to translate into a load of dots, a few wickets and an extraordinary percentage of runs scored off him in 6s.

Describe yourself in one word.
Average

How long have you played for Bentley CC?
About 20 years, as of 2016.

Fantasy tea (2 x sandwiches, 1 x savoury, 1 x cake, 1 x wildcard)
Ham and cheese, coronation chicken, scotch egg, scones, fruit. Sandwiches got to be thick cut and at least 50/50, if not brown.

If you could share a century partnership with any cricketer from history, who would it be?
Probably KP. Even though I’d end up 0* it would be pretty incredible to watch from the other end.

What’s the best thing about playing for Bentley CC?
We got a free cap one year

Who would play you in a film of your life?
Hugh Jackman (obviously)

Whats your earliest memory of Bentley CC?
Vaguely remember playing in an U7 match v Shenfield on the artificial and contributing a run out.

Whats the best shot you ever played? What’s the best ball you’ve bowled?
Best shot – any that end up in/over the road. Not a massive hit but always satisfying and I know quite well how it feels for the bowler.

Best ball – one that comes to mind, last game of 2013 a ball to a certain ex-opener of High Roding that cut back through the gate and he made a sort of ‘ooooff’ sound as he realised it was cleaning him up. That’s how I remember it anyway, my memory of that day may be somewhat hazy.

The best thing I can cook is… Chocolate cake

Who do you travel to away games with and why?
Helen because for some reason she likes watching us play cricket.

What is your dream house?
5 bed detached in the Essex countryside, with a massive garden that someone else looks after and a good pub down the road.

Any superstitions?
I’m not superstitious but I have routines that I keep to, because that makes sense. Superstitions are tosh.

Which Bentley CC player do you hate facing in the nets and why?
Any wicket-keeper – never know where it’s going.

If you could go back and give an 18-year-old you some advice, what would it be?
Don’t play football during the cricket season….

What is the most romantic thing you have ever done?
I once took 4 wickets on Helen’s birthday to help us win a league game. It’s a shame Valentine’s Day isn’t in the summer really.

Who wouldn’t Bentley CC be the same without, and why?
Del Boy, Mitchy and Tanker for their ‘characters’ and Nick H for the work he does for the club.

Which Bentley CC player would you want to bat for your life?
To win a game – Phil. To save a game – Strawbs.

How do you see the rest of your cricket career going?
Pretty much the same as it has before. Would be nice to have a good cup run again. You never know.

Whats was your biggest cricketing disappointment?
Though I/we look back at the 2010 Village Cup run with much fondness, to put in such a poor performance in the QF was disappointing. The other team were better for sure, but we made them look like pros. Probably equalled by the first 4 games of the 2014 league season.

Sachin, Ponting, Lara or Kallis - who is the greatest?
Kallis. Runs, wickets, catches. Bet he does a good tea as well.