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Dartfordians Saints - Match centre

Charlton Park III
Dartfordians Saints
Sat 7 Oct 15:00 - Kent Metropolitan League - Spitfire Full time

Another great win for the Saints

Saturday saw us make the journey to Charlton Park

Saturday saw us make the journey to Charlton Park against a side with several players that had already played for the Charlton Park 4th team earlier in the day. An impressive effort to ensure all fixtures were played and everyone got a run out.

The game took an unexpected turn immediately. Indomitable Captain Staggy, looking like someone had thrown a maroon and gold sheet over a group hug, won the toss decided to play up hill, with CPRFC kicking to us. The Charlton Park fly half stepped up. He appeared unfamiliar both with the rugby ball he held in his hands and his own feet. The kick off was scuffed and sliced directly at the toes of Chris Roots, an area unfortunately out of his reach this early in the season. Chris proceeded to perform an accurate impression of Ricky Phillips trying to put on his shoes, gurning and gasping as he slowly bent to retrieve the ball, the more supple 45 year old Charlton Park prop was able to amble in and recovered the kick off, not a good start.

Fortunately elsewhere we started well, solid set piece play thanks to the efforts of Moon, Roots and Macca in the scrum and Edwards and Laces in the lineout, excellent work in the loose from the evergreen Backrow of Laces, Reed and Bucko and good defence from the backs meant we recovered the ball well and were able to set up a maul with Matt Edwards eventually worming his way over for an ugly try.

This meant the Charlton Park fly half was back. Again the ball was fired in a direction different from his body shape, and again we failed to respond. What had appeared to be one of the worst kickers was starting to seem like one of the best. After the fourth restart in a row was fumbled by Darts, following yet another ‘googly’ style kick by the Charlton Park version of Shane Warne, a torrent of lisped abuse was unleashed from the side line by an irate Laces with high pitched coaching comments about ‘ssstandardsss’.

When Laces returned to the field, he decided to demonstrate the skills that he had honed at his recent training session with the England head coach Eddie Jones, so with his cultured (yeast infection) right boot, he proceed to put in a kick that was so ugly it made his back row partner John ‘Susan Boyle’ Bucksey look beautiful. Fortunately for laces, an undulation in the pitch meant the horrendous kick, miraculously sat up for our you winger Jake to latch onto and score, saving laces blushes and much to Subo’s delight.

For the second half we had the slope and Tony’s Meads boot. One of Tony’s chips over the top lead to a 50/50 between Jake ‘Ginger Jesus’ O’Flynn and the sizable opposition centre .... they crashed together and Gesus was left in a crumpled heap. With both sides genuinely concerned he was checked over before being picked up to be carried off the pitch, luckily GJ's dad intervened and we got a small miracle, he put his feet down and then gazelle like, he bounded back to his wing completely fine, a miraculous recovery worthy of Easter Sunday.

Warney finally gave us a catchable restart soon after. Macca the tortoise, playing out of position at hooker, on a break from taking pictures of beer bottles and putting them on the internet, went one better than Rootys and caught the ball, he immediately and without being touched by an opposition player, collapsed to the floor and retreated into his shell, seemingly pulling his arms and head inside his shirt for protection, leaving the CP defenders to fly over the top of him, clasping at thin air.

Tony Mead, who took some criticism two weeks ago for his 1 conversion from 5 attempts, this week set the record straight and slotted 9 from 11, he also kept us in the opposition half with his kicking in open play, at one point he chipped a cross field kick to the strawberry blonde Jehovah, resulting in a try and when it was suggested that we should run it, he scored a length of the pitch try up the middle. All this impressive work was ruined at the end of the game, when he throw an interception pass that was returned the length of the pitch, very average. However Laces was grateful that Rootsy and Macca didn’t have to face a final table tennis style restart from Warney.

Overall an excellent team performances, as can be seen from the plethora of scorers. Standout displays from Dan Duggan in the centre, the previously mentioned back rowers and a brace of tries each for our two young wingers Josh Bowen and GJ O’Flynn. A solid performance from the pack, well marshalled by Luke Bacon at 9 and a Man of the Match performance from Tony Mead, leading to a good result against a spirited CP team.

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# Team Pl Pts
1. Old Alleynians IV 3 12
2. Beckenham IV 2 8
3. Old Dunstonians A 2 8
4. Dartfordians Saints 1 4
5. Old Colfeians III 2 4
6. Park House II 3 2
7. Shooters Hill 3 2

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