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De la Salle 12 Aspatria 19
patrick tyson18 Sep 2016 - 06:58
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Della just come up short
Aspatria were the latest visitors to Lancaster Road in what would be a hard fought encounter, with Della fielding the strongest team possible, confidence was high in the Salford camp however it would be the Cumbrian outfit who would edge this enthralling game .The opening exchanges were as you would expect fierce with both sets of forwards trying to put down a marker, but there was no indication as to the outcome of this game with both defences solid in the opening quarter. Aspatria were attempting to get the ball into the corners to get their catch and drive game going, Della were defending well and trying to keep the ball alive when they had possession. The early scrums were just being edged by the visitors, but Della were still winning their own ball and with the home line out working well the Della half backs were getting plenty of possession . But both defences were cancelling each other out, so not being able to break the Aspatria line Della opted to go for goal to open the scoring from the trusty boot of Chris Petrou 3-0.At this stage there was still no indication of how the game would pan out, but both teams were throwing the kitchen sink at each other in an attempt to make the breakthrough but a combination of solid defending and forced errors were thwarting both teams , it was a testament to both sides that the sole penalty was the only score of the first half. And how the second half would pan out was anyones guess.
The opening exchanges were much as the first half with both sides showing plenty of invention but being stalled by superb defence, so when Della were awarded a penalty they gladly took the opportunity to extend the lead from the boot of Petrou 6-0. but Aspatria were still creating problems for the home defence and trying to keep them out of the twenty two was becoming a futile task. And when the visitors were awarded a five metre scrum on the Della line they got a great shove on the Della pack, and when Della tried to wheel and get the penalty the Aspatria number eight took the opportunity to touch down for the first try of the game and give Aspatria a welcome boost, the conversion however was missed so Della still held a slender lead at this point 6-5. Della responded with more effort to force their way back up field but they still couldn't find a way of breaking down the visitors defence and had to settle for another penalty to extend the lead 9-5. Della at this stage were having something of a purple patch and it looked as though the breakthrough was inevitable, but such is the quality of Aspatria the Salford lads just kept coming up short and as tantalising as it was the score was just out of reach. And it would be Aspatria who would make the breakthrough with Della pressing they left the back door open and the visitors took full advantage to run in a second try to give them back the lead, although again they could not add the extras 9-13.And now with the game into its final stages Della threw everything at the visitors in an attempt to get back into this game, but yet again it would be the visitors who struck again with a penalty to extend the lead 9-16. Now with the clock running down Della had the chance to put themselves into the corner from a penalty but the chance was fluffed with the ball going dead. And back came Aspatria to claim a penalty to extend the lead beyond capture 9-19 and all that Della could do with the final kick of the game from Petrou was to close up the score to get a losing bonus point 12-19.
This was a superb game well refereed with open running rugby, great tactics , supreme effort from both teams and on merit the better team won, although I think they will not have many tougher games than this during this season. If we are to be brutally honest fitness played a part in the closing stages with Della putting in tremendous effort but too many times players were isolated to give the visitors the opportunity to snuff out the Della momentum, and although Della lost this game how important that losing bonus point will be come the end of the season will be interesting, Aspatria were worthy winners and will definitely be in the mix come the end of the season we can only hope that Della will be in it also, on this performance you would definatey think so . The Della man of the match was full back Sean Watson and for Aspatria their impressive stand off stood out . and as always the glitterratii of Aspatria were great company pre and post match.
Now onto much more important matters, assistant club manager Sue ( The Ewok ) Yendall was spotted recently spotted leaving the Ann Summers sex shop with a rather large bag of goodies, she then went directly to B&Q and purchased an industrial extension lead ?
While on the subject of the Ewok, Eric ( The Grunt ) Clarke has been diagnosed as Lactose intolerant so no more suckling on the Ewok for him ?
The Della porn industry ( Deeper , Harder, Dryer. ) has just released its annual accounts and the sad news is that we will have to look at the overall structure, and in a bid to survive we will have to change the company name and the services we offer. The proposal would be to have a shift of focus and rebranding , we would no longer use animals or corpses in our product range and the new company name would be Cracked Pelvis, we will also release two films in time for Christmas, one is the urban tale of forbidden love Throat Damage and the other is a timeless musical The Jizz Singer ?
The Della gender reassignment clinic have admitted they got Steve ( The body of a middle aged woman ) Parrot totally wrong . Chief surgeon and registrar Pete ( These are wands not fingers) Massey said in a statement we gave him the wrong body the fact he looks like a fat Mrs Doubtfire is down to an administrative error ?
The BBC have come under fire from the HSE due to producers putting Iggle Piggle alone in an open boat on the wild and wide ocean, without any safety equipment, no life vest , flares or emergency supplies, while his long time girl friend Uppsy Daisy sleeps soundly in her bed thinking the love of her life is safe and well? The HSE also brought the corporation to task over Postman Pat having an unrestrained animal in his van, namely Jess the black and white cat, The BBC safety spokesman Fireman Sam said the BBC is giving out the wrong message to the under fives and this is one of the reasons the Tonypandy fire brigade is so busy , that and that irritating ginger kid from the corner shop ?
Della on a Saturday afternoon when the referee and the opposition have left the club those lecherous, sorry I mean knowledgeable gents at the putting the world to rights end of the bar, tiring of the nuclear weapons crisis in Korea, the USA elections, their thoughts turn to anatomy , mainly of the new intake of female barstaff. And the age old questions, a badly filled kebab or a neatly packed pencil case, rose bud pink or nut brown ? Many of this much vaunted group of luminaries are in need of elbow replacement due to the many hours they spend leaning on the bar , in this world renowned think tank ?
Della have come up with a way to endear themselves to the Rfu , its a novel idea that most governments use, we are putting a spin on any bad news, and turning any bad situations and publicity into good news. So Della get three reds and a yellow in one second team game last year becomes, Della provoked but remain calm to leep eleven players on the field. And record breaking Della only get docked ten points during talks with the Rfu. And Della top the charts as rugbys most punished club with yet more honours as the most indiciplined club to top the Rfu chart ?
With the Della whaling fleet still at sea , thoughts start to turn to the winter months and that can only mean one thing, the seal clubbing season . When the sea freezes over at the mouth at that holiest of rivers the mighty Irwell, fur seals in their thousands come onto the ice to give birth to their pups, and then begins the annual slaughter . This year the Della master of hounds and super star seal clubber Lee ( Rip em to pieces ) Halsall will be missing from the ice, Rip em has been diagnosed with seal clubbers elbow by the Della orthopeadic surgeon Dr Setem Wright and has been ruled out of action for the season. Its not all bad news for Rip em though , Sky sports have decided to showcase the clubbing this year and Rip em has been appointed as a pundit Rip em has also signed a sponsorship deal with Nike who will be producing replica kits with realistic blood stains and a replica of Rip ems favourite club the lengedary Halsalls hammer, four foot of seasoned hickory perfectly balanced to deliver the killing blow. Sky are exited about the new show and the fact that winter occurs in both hemispheres at different times makes the sport more appealing . A Sky spokesman said Rip em can become to seal clubbing what Barry and Terry have become to Rugby League and what Gary is to football, and they think clubbing can become a major spectator sport with clubbers from around the world competing for major prizes, a kids league is also planned with sponsorship from fashion hose Furs r Us ?
The Della ancient history and relics dept are to advertise for a senior field archaeologist preferably female, whem asked why female the Della resident Egypyologist Alan ( Loneliness is an emotional state and I fund it hard to any meaningful human contact anymore after all that rejection ) Graham, said women make the best archaeologists because they love digging up the past ?
Club Mong Scott ( I cant help dragging my knuckles on the floor ) Hornby has at last managed to string a full sentence together using recognisable words . Scott rushed to tell his parents but was held back by a police cordon while fire and rescue cut them both out of the wreckage ?
Due to the totally unsatisfactory conditions in the Della workhouse the death rate is well above the national average, Della however have come up with a novel idea to solve the problem, they have linked the club crematorium to the club heating system , so as the recently departed during their sad existence contributed little, they can go to meet their maker safe in the knowledge that they are providing heat and hot water for a thriving club. The workhouse can provide a steady stream of fuel, sorry deceased human beings , but during the winter months this may not be sufficient so the club could do with an outbreak of Cholera or Typhus on the Duchy and Westwood estates to top up the winter fuel supply, storage won`t be a problem with the new Della cold storage facility coming on stream ?
North Korea have offered to sponsor the club this season in exchange for Della allowing them to test their nuclear weapons on Wigan. The Della always a caring club refused the offer stating that there was little of Wigan left to test weapons on, following the Della onslaught. The club however offered an alternative in exchange for new post protectors and flags bearing the image of Kim Jong -un Della will allow them to run their tests on Carlisle ?
The opening exchanges were much as the first half with both sides showing plenty of invention but being stalled by superb defence, so when Della were awarded a penalty they gladly took the opportunity to extend the lead from the boot of Petrou 6-0. but Aspatria were still creating problems for the home defence and trying to keep them out of the twenty two was becoming a futile task. And when the visitors were awarded a five metre scrum on the Della line they got a great shove on the Della pack, and when Della tried to wheel and get the penalty the Aspatria number eight took the opportunity to touch down for the first try of the game and give Aspatria a welcome boost, the conversion however was missed so Della still held a slender lead at this point 6-5. Della responded with more effort to force their way back up field but they still couldn't find a way of breaking down the visitors defence and had to settle for another penalty to extend the lead 9-5. Della at this stage were having something of a purple patch and it looked as though the breakthrough was inevitable, but such is the quality of Aspatria the Salford lads just kept coming up short and as tantalising as it was the score was just out of reach. And it would be Aspatria who would make the breakthrough with Della pressing they left the back door open and the visitors took full advantage to run in a second try to give them back the lead, although again they could not add the extras 9-13.And now with the game into its final stages Della threw everything at the visitors in an attempt to get back into this game, but yet again it would be the visitors who struck again with a penalty to extend the lead 9-16. Now with the clock running down Della had the chance to put themselves into the corner from a penalty but the chance was fluffed with the ball going dead. And back came Aspatria to claim a penalty to extend the lead beyond capture 9-19 and all that Della could do with the final kick of the game from Petrou was to close up the score to get a losing bonus point 12-19.
This was a superb game well refereed with open running rugby, great tactics , supreme effort from both teams and on merit the better team won, although I think they will not have many tougher games than this during this season. If we are to be brutally honest fitness played a part in the closing stages with Della putting in tremendous effort but too many times players were isolated to give the visitors the opportunity to snuff out the Della momentum, and although Della lost this game how important that losing bonus point will be come the end of the season will be interesting, Aspatria were worthy winners and will definitely be in the mix come the end of the season we can only hope that Della will be in it also, on this performance you would definatey think so . The Della man of the match was full back Sean Watson and for Aspatria their impressive stand off stood out . and as always the glitterratii of Aspatria were great company pre and post match.
Now onto much more important matters, assistant club manager Sue ( The Ewok ) Yendall was spotted recently spotted leaving the Ann Summers sex shop with a rather large bag of goodies, she then went directly to B&Q and purchased an industrial extension lead ?
While on the subject of the Ewok, Eric ( The Grunt ) Clarke has been diagnosed as Lactose intolerant so no more suckling on the Ewok for him ?
The Della porn industry ( Deeper , Harder, Dryer. ) has just released its annual accounts and the sad news is that we will have to look at the overall structure, and in a bid to survive we will have to change the company name and the services we offer. The proposal would be to have a shift of focus and rebranding , we would no longer use animals or corpses in our product range and the new company name would be Cracked Pelvis, we will also release two films in time for Christmas, one is the urban tale of forbidden love Throat Damage and the other is a timeless musical The Jizz Singer ?
The Della gender reassignment clinic have admitted they got Steve ( The body of a middle aged woman ) Parrot totally wrong . Chief surgeon and registrar Pete ( These are wands not fingers) Massey said in a statement we gave him the wrong body the fact he looks like a fat Mrs Doubtfire is down to an administrative error ?
The BBC have come under fire from the HSE due to producers putting Iggle Piggle alone in an open boat on the wild and wide ocean, without any safety equipment, no life vest , flares or emergency supplies, while his long time girl friend Uppsy Daisy sleeps soundly in her bed thinking the love of her life is safe and well? The HSE also brought the corporation to task over Postman Pat having an unrestrained animal in his van, namely Jess the black and white cat, The BBC safety spokesman Fireman Sam said the BBC is giving out the wrong message to the under fives and this is one of the reasons the Tonypandy fire brigade is so busy , that and that irritating ginger kid from the corner shop ?
Della on a Saturday afternoon when the referee and the opposition have left the club those lecherous, sorry I mean knowledgeable gents at the putting the world to rights end of the bar, tiring of the nuclear weapons crisis in Korea, the USA elections, their thoughts turn to anatomy , mainly of the new intake of female barstaff. And the age old questions, a badly filled kebab or a neatly packed pencil case, rose bud pink or nut brown ? Many of this much vaunted group of luminaries are in need of elbow replacement due to the many hours they spend leaning on the bar , in this world renowned think tank ?
Della have come up with a way to endear themselves to the Rfu , its a novel idea that most governments use, we are putting a spin on any bad news, and turning any bad situations and publicity into good news. So Della get three reds and a yellow in one second team game last year becomes, Della provoked but remain calm to leep eleven players on the field. And record breaking Della only get docked ten points during talks with the Rfu. And Della top the charts as rugbys most punished club with yet more honours as the most indiciplined club to top the Rfu chart ?
With the Della whaling fleet still at sea , thoughts start to turn to the winter months and that can only mean one thing, the seal clubbing season . When the sea freezes over at the mouth at that holiest of rivers the mighty Irwell, fur seals in their thousands come onto the ice to give birth to their pups, and then begins the annual slaughter . This year the Della master of hounds and super star seal clubber Lee ( Rip em to pieces ) Halsall will be missing from the ice, Rip em has been diagnosed with seal clubbers elbow by the Della orthopeadic surgeon Dr Setem Wright and has been ruled out of action for the season. Its not all bad news for Rip em though , Sky sports have decided to showcase the clubbing this year and Rip em has been appointed as a pundit Rip em has also signed a sponsorship deal with Nike who will be producing replica kits with realistic blood stains and a replica of Rip ems favourite club the lengedary Halsalls hammer, four foot of seasoned hickory perfectly balanced to deliver the killing blow. Sky are exited about the new show and the fact that winter occurs in both hemispheres at different times makes the sport more appealing . A Sky spokesman said Rip em can become to seal clubbing what Barry and Terry have become to Rugby League and what Gary is to football, and they think clubbing can become a major spectator sport with clubbers from around the world competing for major prizes, a kids league is also planned with sponsorship from fashion hose Furs r Us ?
The Della ancient history and relics dept are to advertise for a senior field archaeologist preferably female, whem asked why female the Della resident Egypyologist Alan ( Loneliness is an emotional state and I fund it hard to any meaningful human contact anymore after all that rejection ) Graham, said women make the best archaeologists because they love digging up the past ?
Club Mong Scott ( I cant help dragging my knuckles on the floor ) Hornby has at last managed to string a full sentence together using recognisable words . Scott rushed to tell his parents but was held back by a police cordon while fire and rescue cut them both out of the wreckage ?
Due to the totally unsatisfactory conditions in the Della workhouse the death rate is well above the national average, Della however have come up with a novel idea to solve the problem, they have linked the club crematorium to the club heating system , so as the recently departed during their sad existence contributed little, they can go to meet their maker safe in the knowledge that they are providing heat and hot water for a thriving club. The workhouse can provide a steady stream of fuel, sorry deceased human beings , but during the winter months this may not be sufficient so the club could do with an outbreak of Cholera or Typhus on the Duchy and Westwood estates to top up the winter fuel supply, storage won`t be a problem with the new Della cold storage facility coming on stream ?
North Korea have offered to sponsor the club this season in exchange for Della allowing them to test their nuclear weapons on Wigan. The Della always a caring club refused the offer stating that there was little of Wigan left to test weapons on, following the Della onslaught. The club however offered an alternative in exchange for new post protectors and flags bearing the image of Kim Jong -un Della will allow them to run their tests on Carlisle ?
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