The De la Salle season was brought to an abrupt end,with no chance of promotion and safe from relegation, this weather hit season was brought to a close by the league management.Congratulations to Bennies on the league championship and reaching Twickers,we never had the chance to test ourselves against them with both fixtures outstanding,this is a regret because you always want to test yourself against the best.We have performed very well for the most part this season ,but we have lost too many games by one point,victory in those games could have put us in line for promotion,so maybe game management is something we need to work on. We have as a club gone out to try to win over clubs with our new friendship and charm offensive,and for the most part its worked,we have made inroads into becoming part of the wider rugby community and to this aim we will pursue the same policy next season.
Now with the season over would like on behalf of the club to salute those unsung heroes who make the club tick,its a great big thank you from every one at Della to the coaches and team management Lee McCormick,Billy Gregg,Gareth Smyth,Pete Massey,Lee Halsall and Alan Graham, behind the scenes nothing would have happened with out the work of Steve Parrott,Rob Watson,Paul Worthington ,Alan Berry,Eric Clarke and the ladies who do the food Julia Worthington,Julie Gregg and Karen Watson and if iv`e missed any out my sincere apology.
I must also thank every one i have lampooned in the match reports,all the various races,colours,creeds, the people of Salford and Wigan ok maybe not Wigan,and most of all the members of the IRB,RFU and the Lancs RFU thank you for taking it all in good fun ,but alas there is still today?
The Della`s new taxidermist has just taken up residence,so we are taking the old saying (get stuffed) to a new level.Once our licence from the coroners office is granted we are planning a human branch of the operation.The plan is to preserve all the top officials and RFU representatives that have graced Della with their unbiased officiating,and in some cases we aim to get started before the subjects are deceased?
Buckingham palace were disappointed last week when the Queen tried to book the Della function room to celebrate her 90th birthday.The personally hygenically challenged steward Mr Clint Oy Vey Bird even comtemplated using deodourant? but alas the room was double booked.Lizzie as we know her was forced to find an alternative venue, luckily we were able to put her in touch with the local UCP who had a room available over the shop.Ones gutted she exclaimed in a press conference. The committee subsequently banned her for allegedly using foul and abusive language to the trustworthy steward who then set about the task of rendering himself into a state of inebriation without paying for anything!The club chairman was contacted at his private villa and he issued a statement via his solicitor saying he`s not had any money and has no recollection of where its gone. But added we back Clint all the way despite his problems with alcohol and denied his involvement hi in the club was purely for selfish gains to propel himself up the FA hierarchy, and added private helicopters aren`t that dear to run?
The phamaceutical arm of Della have been awarded a licence by NICE to mass produce our new drug that cures everything , its tradename is Dellazepan , this comes as good news for all our smack heads,bag heads,pill poppers dragon chasers,boofs and coke whores,and will go on sale along with all the other aerosols,banshee dust,ganja and glues behind the bar ,this move is to spearhead our recruitment drive for next season in Duchy and the precinct?
Delight for our top bar woman Sue ? she recently disclosed the pain in both her knees as finally eased,the bruising ,chaffing stopped after she was fitted with an industrial strength mammary support which lightened the load bearing down on her knees?
With the labour party wracked by claims of racism and anti semitism ,Jeremy Corbyn has turned to Della to discover how the club became a leading light in the fight against racism.Della spokesman on all things racist Clinton Oy Vey Bird said and i quote ( all races,creeds,colours are welcome in the Della ,except of course Paddies and Wiganers)? With the Della AGM looming US president Barack Obama has issued a video warning voters on which way to vote .Della replied that it is a matter for the individual on which way to vote ,and warned Obama that as a club we decided not to invade Russia?but if the USA keep meddling in Della politIcs the invasion of the USA is not out of the question?Sir Phillip Green has put his name forward for election at the AGM as treasurer, he has been seconded and proposed by David Cameron and George Osborne.As news leaked out BHS workers formed a picket line at the club gates?
Just an observation ,i passed a Jacamo delivery lorry on the motorway this morning ,it was smaller than i imagined?
In a gesture of conciliation Della has pulled back its forces from Chad and the frontier with Cumbria and its submarine fleet has returned to base on Salford Quays ,however its surveilance dept will continue to keep tabs on the leading officials of the Lancs RFU with satelites and drones being used?And as more personell are demobbed the Della whaling fleet had more man power to call on and put to sea with a full ships compliment, and as the flagship Slayer of The Seas sailed under Trafford bridge Swampy and a number of Green peace threatened to throw them selves off?
The IRB are still considering Della becoming its own constituent body after the club became a full member of the EU, after becoming a principality . Della now has two euro mps and the Della flag flies proudly with its two golden fingers on a red field outside the euro parliament?
Due to the scandals at the BBC ,Della has unveiled plans for its own kiddies program to be named Della tubbies,with the characters of Winky Wonky aka Alan Berry,Tipsy aka Pat Tyson,Bla Bla aka Shane Richardson and Dough aka Rob Watson.The show will be filmed in the local chippy Captain Cod?
The last humanitarian act of the season saw the Della helicopters ferry staff from Medecins de Frontieres to the Brookhouse and Winton estates,to fight an out break of Impetigo and Scabies so bad is the infection that new residents have asked to be repatriated to Aleppo?
The last of the worlds leaders to visit Della this season was life long Della fan Fidella Castro,he was in Salford to sign a trade agreement with soft drinks company Vimto and Fidella put a clause in the contract that Vimto must supply Della with water bottles with the company logo.So due to the intervention of the worlds longest serving communist leader the water bottle crisis is over,Thank you comrade
It would be remiss of me not to mention my co conspirator in compiling these weekly ramblings, he has given me many challenges but many more laughs. Thank you Pete Massey and if i`m going to prison Guantanmo or hell your coming with me?