The last time Feltham played host to Haringey met it ended early with the opposition skipper hospitalised. Treading toe-toe in a tête-à-tête, Feltham’s own captain and part-time super hero had smashed they’re skipper so hard his foot almost fell off. The ‘Rhinos’ were replaced by the ‘Badgers’ but Haringey were to be traumatised again, in an equally brutal encounter but for very different reasons.

Bravely making their way across from north London, the Badgers were falling like flies and on arrival, the cull had left only 11. Brian May would not have been happy as another one bit the dust. Feltham, however, were more than able to help them field reinforcements and from our plump squad we picked as couple of prize plums to send over (enter Del and Dave).

The men of Feltham that day were: Sam Turner, Mark Branstable, Zedd, Savill & Son of Savill Row, Jimmy and Johnny (the Brothers Denton), Danny and Joe of the Devereux Bros, Ricky Ward, Fat Darren, Mr Baker, Dodge, Reece, Ben M, Joe Hales, Mirvin, Harry, Frankie, Dangerous Del & Deadly Dave, Coach Crump, and The Albert Helg.

When a team arrives with just 11, it’s very rare for that to include a front row. Those potbellied beasts are a rare sight and few people have the mental strength and technical skills (although plenty have the physique). Going uncontested suited us though, and our fleet footed backs could enjoy the support of free running forwards. It also gave Sam another dry run at prop without the pressure of a gnarly, head-case introducing him to the front row nibbling his ear (the absent Ben Kidby). Team selection also became slightly easier, knowing four of our team would be helping the oppo rather than running water on the touchline.

As we prepared on our newly refurnished pitch, complete with 4 posts, we dared not tell our squad at the time, but in arriving so short of players Haringey had incurred a 14 point deficit. Wisely, we kept that shtum to make sure our players played hard. And it worked immediately.

From a scrum we picked up and attacked the blind, a lovely 1-2 between John and Ben M saw scrum half John go over in the corner. Great hands, quick feet and strong support running got us the points.

Then, for this scribe at least, it gets a little hazy. A few things are certain. Their order, their making and people’s involvement is less clear. A couple of things we know, the seven people scored, and Feltham conceded one also.

Using the ball well and keeping possession Feltham worked the ball from right to left just inside their half. Mirvin displayed good movement and pace to burn up the wing and touch down.

Carrying the ball back from kick off Feltham attacked down the left. After the first breakdown, there were a couple of forward drives before Joe Hales takes picked a wide line. With Dodge next to him and Joe Devereux on the wing, Jo drew the extra man outwards creating space through the middle for Dodge to run in and score.

Coming in off the wing at speed, Joe D cleaned up a loose ball in the middle of the park. He gathered and charged on the diagonal, shrugging off defenders and blazing a trail to score under the posts.

Harry, who actually scored two, grabbed a peach. Feltham played the best rugby of the
game with an excellent move across the park with forwards and backs involved. Any contact made saw the ball swiftly recycled and shipped through the hands. Mirvin and Harry break down the right exchanging passes and stepping men before scoring beneath the posts for the pick of the tries. It was excellent team play, especially the interplay between Harry and Mirvin.

Where to begin with Reece? He showed good pace, great hands, a good step and picked good lines. His tries became so normal that they merged into each other. It really does him no justice but to cut a long story short he scored five times.
Was sublime or was it terrible, the debate rages on about Jimmy’s score. In what looked like a ridiculous move straight off the training ground, John feints to kick over the top, but purposefully/accidently shanks it to the right and backwards but straight into his on rushing brothers’ arms. Barely breaking stride Jimmy pelted it up field and burst clean through showing afterburners few knew he had.

Frankie is quite unlucky, really. He scored and he deserves his due. But his try was an embarrassment. Reece was clean through and should have scored, but he called Frankie across from the wing to do a poorly executed, switch move that saw Reece snagged by a defender and the pass almost dropped. Never again.

There was another occurrence that needs to be mentioned. Something so heinous and unbelievable that it will shock our regular readers and worldwide fanbase to their very souls. It is a shame that shall forever sully and besmirch the names of all those on the pitch at the time. When Haringey did have a short spell of possession their runners were enthusiastic and committed, and a couple of them pretty solid lumps too. Retaining the ball after a breakdown in our 22’, they picked and played down the blindside, with one more little pass they had exposed Feltham and created an overload. All Del, yes Del, had to do was to catch the ball, fall over and not drop it and he would score. He managed all three of those things but a very generous ref let the try stand. That Del scored his maiden try against his own club is a fitting as it is embarrassing, there is definitely something unique and special about him and he’s nothing if not memorable. But of course it doesn’t count – tries have to be for Feltham before they mean anything.

Man of the Match
There were some top performances and great competition for the prize. Scott Savill had a storming effort, his stealing of the lineout and his industry stood out. Matt Irvin had a dominant first half, laying down an early marker against his opposite man; he played at full back and inside and outside centre and did a great job at each. Even in such a high scoring game it’s hard to criticise someone who scores 5 tries as Reece did. Hard but not impossible. Any fly half who’s scoring so many more than his outside men can’t be passing the ball. Surely the ‘playmaker’ should be calling moves and setting things-up rather than catching and running the ball or just kicking. But Reece did score 5. For the second time this season, however, the honour went to Ricky who did everything but score. Playing in the number 8 role and with uncontested scrums, Ricky demonstrated his ball playing ability with a string of picks combining well with scrum half John to boss the park. Top bombing.

Dick of the day
Whilst watching Feltham canter to a lead, what seemed like it would be a hard choice became extraordinarily simple. When we’re winning by lots and lots to very little, its poor form to showboat and take the piss. When that ‘showboating’ is a poorly finished and completely unnecessary scissor -move that only jeopardised Feltham’s chances of scoring, and after Haringey have travelled across London with just 11men knowing they’re going to lose, then that scissor move becomes a dick move. Congratulations Reece, who was ably assisted by Frankie, dick move!

Where next?
Cup game away to London Welsh Occies, meeting at the club for 12.30. Get involved!