Revenge of the Kiwis
Like A Truck Running Over A Puppy
Following on from the 69-0 drubbing of the greedy, bankers of Herts/Middlesex 1s Bank of England, the mighty Fins set out on yet another mission to correct society’s ills as they headed to take-on the elitists of U.C.S Old Boys.
Having been instructed by captain Evan Gwilliam
to arrive no later than 1:45pm, this reporter made his first mistake of the day… catching a lift with Morgan Carter-Tocny. It has long been wondered how Morgan consistently turns up late to every match, but his pre-match ritual of picking up his dry-cleaning and stopping for pre-match nutrition (a bag of Wotsits) probably has something to do with it. Despite suggestions we find somewhere for a spot of lunch ‘so we don’t have to warm up’ we eventually arrived at Mill Hill Rugby Club (which was a lot flatter than the name suggested), FPRFC’s home away from home – as our illustrious captain kept reassuring us (I’m not convinced we have a home ground having never played there).
Looking out onto the pitch pre-match, I couldn’t help but feel Storm Florence battering away at the east coast of America had stolen media focus away from the near typhoon in north London.
Claims of a ‘sprained toenail’ forced Morgan to withdraw from the starting team and subsequently the Fins had some last-minute reshuffling in the backline. Undeterred by the weather and changes, the team went out for a suitably lacklustre warm-up.
A flip of the coin and the match was underway.
The Fins were looking to apply pressure early, however the game quickly became scrappy with few phases being strung together, largely due to the ball hitting the ground as frequently as a bar of soap in a prison shower room. However, not a team to let a bit of rain stop them, the Fins hone in on their physicality, taking an aggressive defence to the opposition and nullifying their attack.
Heavy running from the pack battered away at the opposition, and 15 minutes into the first half, the Fins broke through. Fly-half Frazer Findlater
getting onto the end of the pass and galloping his way to the line like a Grand National contender, dotting down in the corner. The euphoria of the first try was unfortunately punctuated by some gentle pushing and shoving as one the opposition took a bit of a shine to the Fins fly-half and decided he wanted to give him a cuddle.
Despite the ever-present issue of ill-discipline continuing to plague Finsbury Park, allowing the opposition to cling on, the team were starting to find some rhythm. The travelling fans did not have to wait long for another score. A show and go from Frazer, a line-break and some decent hands saw openside flanker (and resident northerner) Patrick Joyce
[Paddy] go over. Another try followed swiftly, a kick through, forwards applying pressure, eventually the rampaging rhino prop Izzy Turner-Flavius (I think he only has a double barrelled name to make himself sound posher) on to the end of it and rolling his way over the line for the first try of his rugby career – a moment of shock joy for the whole team.
U.C.S were clearly coming frustrated by FP’s superior game play and as half time approached, FP were applying pressure yet again, battering away at the opposition line. A beautifully worked and the captain burst through the defensive line, dotting down for Park’s bonus point.
The second half began slowly with the game becoming increasingly confrontational. FP’s Kiwi contingent – who were obviously still aggrieved that the All Blacks lost to a team with Elton Jantjies in it – were putting themselves around with vicious physicality. Leading from the front, Chaz Dempsey
took exception to a man a third of his size and hit him like a truck running over a puppy.
Some good game management from the FP halfbacks kept U.C.S. pinned back in their half. With a line-out near the opposition 22, FP won clean ball and broke through the line. Hands through the backs and a thoroughly unselfish pass from the handsome inside centre (his name escapes me) saw Ed Morden
go in for the fifth try of the match.
The latter stages of the game – and on came the super subs. Whilst Chaz took it upon himself to end the match for another opposition player, the debutant subs – Graham Rutherford
and Jack Henderson
– put in shifts to remember (and Morgan was there too).
In a desperate attempt to find a way through the rock-solid defence, the opposition tried to spin the ball wide and a hard FP hit dislodged the ball. Morgan got on the end of it hacking up field (‘Go on Morgan!’), he hacked it again (‘Where are you going Morgan?!’), and again (‘STOP KICKING IT SIDEWAYS MORGAN!’), eventually collecting and being dragged down in the 22. FP kept the pressure on and eventually Frazer went over for his second try in the final play of the game.
The full-time whistle went and another win for FP in the bag. Whilst there is plenty to improve on in the coming weeks, this was nevertheless a good result away from home.
MOTM deservedly went to Chaz Dempsey
for his attempts to kill the opposition players, and DOTD deservedly went to Morgan for thinking he was playing football and dribbling the ball sideways across the pitch.
Next week FP travel to the home of Ali G to take on the West Side Massive – Staines RFC. Fingers crossed for another bone rattling performance.