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Gnomes Finest XI - Match centre

Broadbottom
Gnomads Cricket Club
Tue 8 May TBC - Friendly Start time TBC

Gnomads Blow Winning Streak and Go Hungry

The first match of the 2012 season. Kit dusted off/sterilised/fumigated.

Gnomads,

The first match of the 2012 season. Kit dusted off/sterilised/fumigated. A strong Gnomad team assembled at Broadbottom, though the pink and green display was a little lacking. Weather was fair to cool. Wicket looked good, but a soggy, slow outfield promised a low-scoring match. Gnomads lost the toss and were put in to bat, which was just as well as McGloves had got confused with the bank holiday Monday, had thought it was a Sunday, and was looking to turn up for the match on the Wednesday. A phone call to him wrenched him away from his work desk in Bredbury, and had him weaving his way through the rush hour traffic towards Broadbottom, to arrive just in time for our fielding effort.

Four gnew players were in evidence, in response to M’Lud’s appeal for recruits :- Jez (The Undertaker) Unsworth, Jeremy (The Trucker) Stobart, Chris (B &Q) Gill, and Patrick (Uncle Arthur – at least to Pikey) Serjeant. Gnames required for these, but that’s the best I can do for now.

A thorough search of the kits bags failed to produce a score book, so no records of runs, wickets, fielding heroics etc. available, so apologies to anyone who thinks they have been short-changed, slandered, or worse – it’s solely due to my limited memory.

Sluice and The Undertaker opened the batting and got off to a steady start – a little under skipper Seg (ret)’s requested 7-an-over target, but a sound base for the innings was established. Royal Albert and Wossy (a fine innings on his return to Gnomad cricket) carried on the good work after the demise of the openers, followed by Uncle Arthur who got off to a promising start, only to fall foul of the famous Gnomads run-out strategy. The Trucker carried the fight to the opposition with some excellent stroke play, before a trickler displaced his bails. Earp then got stuck in and was, probably, top-scorer with quite a few runs. Mutton followed, then B&Q and finally Seg (ret), taking the final score to 101 for 8, achieving the revised Gnomad target of three figures. It must be said that some accurate bowling of wides by the Broady team enhanced our total to a good degree. McGloves did not bat; he didn’t have to, but he would have been up the order somewhere if he had been there, - arriving just as we concluded the innings.

101 – not a great total to defend for our bowlers (aka our batsmen) but with a soggy outfield, boundaries had been hard to find for the Gnomads – would they now be for the Broady batsmen?

Albert and The Undertaker opened the bowling to stunning effect – few runs scored and a wicket or two (maybe three – I can’t remember, no doubt they will correct me). Someone (Albert? The Trucker?) took a very fine catch at mid-wicket, I remember. The Trucker continued the fine bowling effort, taking a wicket, bowled, with his first ball in first-class cricket (some mistake, surely?) for several decades. Wickets continued to fall, Uncle Arthur being devastating when he came around the wicket in his second over. B&Q, Wossy, and Earp displayed unerring accuracy. McGloves was in fine form behind the stumps, throwing himself around in the cause, saving many a bye. At some point, Broady were 67 with around 5 overs to go, with er , um, maybe three or four wickets left. Around 7-an-over to win, surely a tough task for them now we were down to their tail end, and with the light failing. Problem was they had saved a couple of their biggest hitters until their tail end, we were at the tail end of our bowling, and the failing light is notorious at Broady for hindering the bowling side more than the batting. A fatal tactical mistake by skipper Seg (ret) was exposed as fours and sixes, almost unseen by the fielders, rained down on all corners of the ground off the bowling of the (hapless) Mutton and (hopeless) Seg (ret), and Broady reached the required total in the gathering gloom with an over and a few balls to spare.

However, the Gnomads did win, hands down, the batsman throwing-their-self-on-the-ground award after a. attempting a big hoick and missing (the ‘rotational inertia dive’), and b. rushing out of their ground, missing the ball and diving back to avoid being stumped (the ‘backward flip’). Possibly an unmatched performance in this department (outside of the Premier League, of course) - positively balletic. It’s a shame it’s not an Olympic event.

Broady then displayed their tactical nous to more devastating effect in the tea room – by batting last they were first into the tucker and had demolished much of it by the time the Gnomads had got changed. Rice with no chilli was most Gnomads’ fare, though supplemented with pizza, sandwiches and choccy cake, so not too bad. A stuffed-looking Broady team promised enhanced quantities of grub for the revenge match on the 22nd May (away game yet again). Unmissable!

Seg (skip. - ret)

PS All Gnomads invited to beer festival at Broady CC in early June (date??).

PPS if you know the email address of B&Q or the two Jeremys, then please forward on to them.

-CORRECTIONS-
Gnomads,

I’ve had several corrections in to my ill-remembered match report:-

Albert and Earp opened the bowling, and Earp took the fine catch at mid-on (maybe closing in on mid-wicket) off Albert’s bowling.

The Undertaker (replacing Albert at the first bowling change) took the wicket off his first ball (but I think there was also a wicket off the first ball for The Trucker).

I also took a fine catch (not so fine as Earp’s, methinks – but any Gnomad catch is by definition fine), which I on reflection I should have dropped (as it dismissed Eric, and heralded the entrance of the big hitters, and hence probably lost the match for us).

Beer Festival at Broady is on Saturday 2nd June – all Gnomads are invited.

Corrected report is below.

Seg (ret)

Gnomads,
The first match of the 2012 season. Kit dusted off/sterilised/fumigated. A strong Gnomad team assembled at Broadbottom, though the pink and green display was a little lacking. Weather was fair to cool. Wicket looked good, but a soggy, slow outfield promised a low-scoring match. Gnomads lost the toss and were put in to bat, which was just as well as McGloves had got confused with the bank holiday Monday, had thought it was a Sunday, and was looking to turn up for the match on the Wednesday. A phone call to him wrenched him away from his work desk in Bredbury, and had him weaving his way through the rush hour traffic towards Broadbottom, to arrive just in time for our fielding effort.

Four gnew players were in evidence, in response to M’Lud’s appeal for recruits :- Jez (The Undertaker) Unsworth, Jeremy (The Trucker) Stobart, Chris (B &Q) Gill, and Patrick (Uncle Arthur – at least to Pikey) Serjeant. Gnames required for these, but that’s the best I can do for now.

A thorough search of the kits bags failed to produce a score book, so no records of runs, wickets, fielding heroics etc. available, so apologies to anyone who thinks they have been short-changed, slandered, or worse – it’s solely due to my limited memory.

Sluice and The Undertaker opened the batting and got off to a steady start – a little under skipper Seg (ret)’s requested 7-an-over target, but a sound base for the innings was established. Royal Albert and Wossy (a fine innings on his return to Gnomad cricket) carried on the good work after the demise of the openers, followed by Uncle Arthur who got off to a promising start, only to fall foul of the famous Gnomads run-out strategy. The Trucker carried the fight to the opposition with some excellent stroke play, before a trickler displaced his bails. Earp then got stuck in and was, probably, top-scorer with quite a few runs. Mutton followed, then B&Q and finally Seg (ret), taking the final score to 101 for 8, achieving the revised Gnomad target of three figures. It must be said that some accurate bowling of wides by the Broady team enhanced our total to a good degree. McGloves did not bat; he didn’t have to, but he would have been up the order somewhere if he had been there, - arriving just as we concluded the innings.

101 – not a great total to defend for our bowlers (aka our batsmen) but with a soggy outfield, boundaries had been hard to find for the Gnomads – would they now be for the Broady batsmen?

Albert and Earp opened the bowling to stunning effect – few runs scored and a wicket or two (maybe three – I can’t remember, no doubt they will correct me). Earp took a very fine catch at mid-on off Albert’s bowling, the ball fairly fizzing into his hands. The Trucker continued the fine bowling effort, taking a wicket, bowled, with his first ball in first-class cricket (some mistake, surely?) for several decades, and The Undertaker followed suit with a first-ball wicket. Wickets continued to fall, Uncle Arthur being devastating when he came around the wicket in his second over. B&Q, Wossy, and Earp displayed unerring accuracy. McGloves was in fine form behind the stumps, throwing himself around in the cause, saving many a bye, and Wossy did some excellent fielding in the covers. At some point, Broady were 67 with around 5 overs to go, with er , um, maybe three or four wickets left. Around 7-an-over to win, surely a tough task for them now we were down to their tail end, and with the light failing. Problem was, Seg (ret), having accepted a catch to dismiss Eric, who we could probably have contained, found out that they had saved a couple of their biggest hitters until their tail end, and the failing light is notorious at Broady for hindering the bowling side more than the batting. This fatal tactical mistake by skipper Seg (ret) was exposed as fours and sixes, almost unseen by the fielders, rained down on all corners of the ground off the bowling of the (hapless) Mutton and (hopeless) Seg (ret), and Broady reached the required total in the gathering gloom with an over and a few balls to spare.

However, the Gnomads did win, hands down, the batsman throwing-their-self-on-the-ground award after a. attempting a big hoick and missing (the ‘rotational inertia dive’), and b. rushing out of their ground, missing the ball and diving back to avoid being stumped (the ‘backward flip’). Possibly an unmatched performance in this department (outside of the Premier League, of course) - positively balletic. It’s a shame it’s not an Olympic event.

Broady then displayed their tactical nous to more devastating effect in the tea room – by batting last they were first into the tucker and had demolished much of it by the time the Gnomads had got changed. Rice with no chilli was most Gnomads’ fare, though supplemented with pizza, sandwiches and choccy cake, so not too bad. A stuffed-looking Broady team promised enhanced quantities of grub for the revenge match on the 22nd May (away game yet again). Unmissable!

Seg (skip. - ret)

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