There's only one game in town this weekend as Holmes Chapel finish their season with a Cup Final. It's already been a terrific campaign for the Blue & Gold but to sign off with a cup win would really be a dream come true, especially given the situation the club was in 18 months ago.

However, Linley & Kidsgrove 3rd XV will have a few things to say about that and despite a disappointing league position any team who makes it to a final is in it to win it. Linley as a club are in a very strong position and would surely love to take home the silverware themselves.

Dom Moss named the following squad for the ocaasion, with the following comments - "The focus is now on us playing as well as we know we can. We would like all playing club members to warm up with us. The reason we are in the final is because of the performances from all players throughout the year. Saturday is about our club, not the 20 players selected. See you there."

1. Will Mitchell
2. Neil Almond
3. Ian Lightfoot
4. Dan Martin (vc)
5. Mark Mcenaney
6. Dom Moss (c)
7. Calum Grant-Smith
8. Jon Griffin
9. Andy Davies
10. Mike Lightfoot
11. Angus Morison
12. Jim Moss
13. Jed Wragg
14. Joe Maddock
15. Jack Cottam

16. Dave Steer
17. Rob Moore
18. Mike Cottam
19. Alex Gormley
20. Gavin Paton

Whatever happens it's been a great season. but let's be honest, it will be even better if we win.

One person who can't wait for kick-off is Chapel loosehed prop Joe Maddock - "Oh absolutely, I've been dreaming about this weekend's game for a while now. Every night I score the winning try in the last minute. It all seems just like real life but I know I must be dreaming as I also manage to kick the conversion".

Re-live Chapel's Cup Run by looking through the match reports via the links below:

Round 1: Anselmians 3rd XV 24 - 37 Chapel (sorry - no report available!)
Round 2: Port Sunlight 2nd XV 0 - 63 Chapel
Round 3: Vale of Lune 4th XV 12 - 42 Chapel
Quarter Final: Chapel 27 - 19 New Brighton 3rd XV
Semi Final: Chapel 24 - 0 Prenton 2nd XV

Venue for the final is Eccles RUFC with a 12:00 kick-off. If you are on the bus then it leaves the AP Club at 09:00 so don't be late. For everyone else, the location / directions can be found here.

Champions Elect

A close second in the news this week (after Chapel's appearance in the final) is, of course, the General Election next Thursday.

But what would happen if Chapel were putting candidates up for election (and thank the lord we're not sir)? Who would be the most suitable club member for each political party? Read on to find out...

Conservatives = Ian Lightfoot - would keep any budget on a tight leash. Especially his own.

Labour = Biffa Watson - tells some of the most laboured jokes ever heard.

Liberal Democrats = Andy Partington - always liberal with the pies and ensures every key decision made on tour follows a fully democratic process.

Green Party = Jim Moss - turns green after about 30 seconds of every match.

SNP = Steve Hatton - a surprise choice ahead of Chapel's Caledonian contingent but regular speeches from this proud Englishman would lead to Scottish independence in no time.

Plaid Cymru = Geoff Butler (aka The Swan Choirmaster) - became a fully paid up member when he realised the party name is an anagram of A Lyric Dump.

UKIP = Mark Mcenaney - heard someone say this to him once on a night out and assumed it was an instruction. He's pretty much followed that guidance ever since.

Actually makes the real lot not seem so bad!

SOS Tour Update

1 week to go!

Regular readers of the Weekly Roundup will have noticed 1 or 2 reminders that we have a tour coming up. With only days remaining excitement is reaching fever pitch - and that's just the landlords of Southend! To make sure everyone is ready to go here are a few items ahead of the big departure.

Be Prepared

Courtesy of TOW Andy Partington, please see below the extensive list of things (as well as your rugby kit) that you need to remember to bring with you.

Miners fancy dress
Beer tokens
See numbers 1 & 2

Stopping Off

As any experienced tourist will tell you it's vital to have a good spot to get off the coach, stretch your legs and enjoy a beer or 2 both on the way to your destination and when coming home. This year, our Head of Research & Development has selected The Leicester Arms in Luton.

In order to make sure we blend in please acquaint yourself with these interesting facts about the home of The Hatters.

Luton is home to the Head Office of Vauxhall Motors so we may lose Jonno for a little while as he goes off to seal some wheels and deals.
The town is home to The University of Bedfordshire, but fortunately for the tour party there is no entrance exam just to gain access to the pubs.
Luton has a historic association with the RAF so we will have to hope that Dom Moss isn't called up for any active duties although, in all honesty, they probably already have someone to make the tea.
Football fan Little Dooga Who Is Actually Big Dooga (this could get confusing) may be interested in visiting Kenilworth Road, Luton Town FC's ground. To be fair they'll probably win their next trophy before Liverpool do.
And finally, a certain Bavarian Welshman will be delighted to learn that Luton is twinned with 3 different towns in Germany.

DSTVBs - make sure you retain this knowledge as well as the facts about Southend and Chelmsford as you may be tested at any point during tour!

Court in the Act

Don't forget - turn up on time for all court sessions. Start times will be printed in your tour programme.

This year the Front Bench welcomes Garry "Gazza" Cottam into the fold so don't expect to receive an easy ride!

Tour Tweets

Tour Twitter Feed

Official HCRUFC Tour Twitterrer for 2015 to be confirmed shortly...

Ask El Tel

More expert tour-related advice from everyone’s favourite Agony Uncle

Dear El Tel

Like the other 37 guys heading to Southend-On-Sea next week I can’t wait to embark on the annual serious rugby playing trip. It’s additionally exciting for me as it’s my first time but I’m sure everyone will make me feel very welcome.

I need some advice though on what to pack? My Dad and Grandad have insisted that I bring their silk pyjamas and false teeth in my suitcase but that won’t leave room for my bucket and spade. Also, the Young Farmer from the Cow Estate (formerly of Byley) has assured me that I’ll need my passport (he’s taking his anyway) as we have to cross a natural border which is marked by a large ravine known as The Watford Gap.

I really don’t want to mess up on my first annual serious rugby playing trip so would greatly appreciate the benefits of your experience and wisdom.

The Littlest Coco, Sandbach

Dearest LC

The gentlemen of tour are naturally excited that you are joining us and making it such a family occasion. The Virgin Meister, that nice man you call Uncle Biffa, has plenty of activities lined up to make you feel at home, to make sure you have a good time and ensure that you feel the warmth and friendliness of this your extra special first tour. You will even have your own name to share with your fellow first timers ~ you are a DSTVB!

We are sure that Daddy and Pops will have talked about the exciting time you will have. You will feel the love when you arrive at the start of your sunshine tour holiday with a lemonade at the local hostelry The Swan at 5 past 7. The TOW (Uncle Andy ~ the man with the pie in one hand and your luxury tour garments in the other) will outline some of the jolly japes you can expect with his essential tour guide. You will become acquainted with two handsome gentlemen called the Prosecution (Uncle German and Uncle El Tel), be nice to them and they will enhance the holiday experience at Court where you will be such a lucky chappy and meet Santa, Happy and Rambo (Great Uncle John, Great Uncle Keith and Great Uncle Charlie).

If you are a very good boy on tour Uncle Biffa may ask you to look after his favourite friend Cousin Little Dai, who will be your lovely furry cuddly chum and companion. This will help stop you missing your bunnykins and cuddlies from home. You will have such fun with him but mind you don’t lose him or Uncle Biffa may have to tell you off for being naughty (don’t worry he has a lovely snuggly way of doing this!!)…

Of course like all first time travellers you will want to be involved in the fun packed activities that Uncle Biffa invites you to join. This can be very tiring for one so young as your good self but try to keep smiling and laughing as Uncle Biffa can become so upset if you look as if you want to cry, suck your thumb, have a temper tantrum or run to Daddy and Pops… Don’t worry if they pretend to not know you, this is all part of the fun and games.

We are all looking forward to welcoming you on tour, don’t forget your passport, get your Klonkers (local currency) from the Post Office, ask Uncle Tiny for some phrases to get on with the locals (All Rite Geezer, Bowl of Jellied Eels my fine fellow, etc etc) and prepare yourself for a fun filled ride…

Love & kisses

Uncle El Tel

PS when Pops says not to tell anyone what happens on tour please be warned as if you do tell your chums he will beat you into a bleeding, palpitating mass of nothingness (all in good fun of course).

2014 / 15 Social Calendar

This weekend! Bus Trip to the Final, Venue is Eccles RUFC, Saturday 2 May

Coming Soon! Tour to Southend-on-Sea, Thursday 8 – Sunday 11 May

Get these dates in your diary and come join us:

Bus Trip to the Final, Venue is Eccles RUFC, Saturday 2 May
Tour to Southend-on-Sea, Thursday 8 – Sunday 11 May
End of Season Party, The Vic Club, Holmes Chapel, Sunday 24 May
Sandbach Festival of Rugby, Saturday 30 May

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