Holmes Chapel 1st XV increased their lead at the summit of Freshlet Division 4 South last Saturday with a terrific 23-8 win over Trafford Metrovicks 3rd XV at station Road. Trafford were able to bring a strong squad and had been picking up wins in the weeks before Christmas so a close game was expected. The visitors certainly didn’t disappoint, storming into an 8-0 lead which Chapel could only peg back through a couple of Andy Davies penalties to trail 8-6 at the half. However, after the break the Blue & Gold found an extra gear with ferocious tackling from Tom Chambers putting the opposition on the back foot. Eventually, tries from Jack Cottam and Callum Grant-Smith helped Chapel pull away and secure the win.

Read the full match report by Tom Chambers here or pick up a copy of the Crewe Chronicle or Knutsford Guardian.

Around the league, several games were postponed last weekend but 3 other matches did go ahead. Macclesfield kept up their promotion challenge with a good win over Congleton, Sandbach sneaked an away win over Northwich and Whitchurch comfortably beat Linley at home.

This weekend we travel to Linley & Kidsgrove 2nd XV for the latest league fixture. Linley are in 10th place and have lost their last couple of games, however 3 straight wins in November show they are capable of springing a surprise if Chapel aren’t on top of their game.

Kick-off this weekend is at 2.15pm – Linley’s ground is not far away and they always serve good beer in the clubhouse so all spectators are encouraged to attend!

Captain’s Log

Chapel Captain Dom Moss on a good win over Trafford and looking ahead to this weekend's game.

Saturday saw us notch up the first win of 2016 after a well-adapted squad performance against a strong Trafford MV's team.

All 24 players used were excellent and despite the poor conditions there were relatively few handling errors. It was excellent to see such commitment from the players. We again apologise to Harry and Conor for failing to get them on.

I thought we did the basics very well both in attack and defence. MOM Jack Cottam controlled the game well from 10 and the backs made good distance with the ball in hand. The pack looked in control of set pieces with the front row applying constant pressure in the scrum. Very few tackles were missed which meant Trafford's strong running never really got converted into points.

At training on Wednesday we will look to prepare for Saturday's away game vs Linley. The excellent session last week obviously stood us in good stead for the game on Saturday, so hopefully we have the same turnout this week. 7:40 at Middlewich 3G.

Meet time for Saturday will be 12:30 at the Community Centre or 13:00 at Linley.

See you there.

Dom.

Vets XV aka The Ancients

And the news hot of the press is…The Ancients have a new kit! Featuring sizes ranging from “XXL” to “Seriously, can you be this fat and still play?”, the old boys will soon be sporting some new threads as they show off their skills (so at least the new kit will provide a distraction). The purchase has been made possible through a mixture of RFU funding and very kind sponsorship from Bulcon Ltd, Phil “Plastered” Davies and Matt “Louie” Griffiths. Many thanks to everyone involved.

Louie was also available for the following comment “It’s great to have the vets up and running again and even better now we have managed to purchase our new kit. With a bit of luck, it may help us attract a few of our more fashion-conscious ex-players…the problem is no-one can think of any. As for the sponsorship, well we wanted to make sure we could afford something that would stand out and we could be proud of, as obviously the rugby we play fails miserably on both counts!”.

Keep these dates in your diary for future matches:

20th February 2016
13th March 2016
16th April 2016

Odd Shaped Balls

Unfortunately, we are unable to bring the usual Match Report from Dave Steer. I have been advised that this is due to a blend of technical difficulties and Dave’s perfectionist nature causing a severe case of writer’s block. On the other hand, it could just be because the team keeps getting stuffed. I don’t know, bloody footballers…

Social Services

As the new year gathers pace we bring you news of social events planned for 2016 so far. These are listed every week at the end of The Weekly Roundup but get them booked into your diaries as soon as possible to avoid missing out!

First up, a reminder (as if you need one) that the 6 Nations is around the corner. Games will be screened at The Vic Club so it’s a great opportunity to get together with your mates after the game or on a “free” weekend. There will be another HCRUFC Predictions League with the pressure on some of our younger members after the last 2 were won by Steve “Old Git” Hatton and El Tel “Even Older Git” Emerson respectively. If you are going to a match let Andy Partington know and make sure you send him some photos!

On Saturday 13 February – which just happens to be the date of Wales v Scotland – Makka is organising a bus trip for the match at Oswestry. This is always a brilliant day out at a great club so make sure you book your place on the coach.

The last game of the season will be played in late April and, as usual, the dress code will be decided by our Captain nearer the time. Recent years have included Best Vests, Short Shorts, Silky, Prats in Hats and Bad Shirts so over to Dom to come up with something even worse this year.

May will see us hold our Annual End of Season Party (exact date and venue to be confirmed) and this is also another great day in the social calendar. The last couple of years have moved away from formal dinners to family-orientated events and have been really successful. More details will be provided in due course.

After it was so successful last year, there will be another Big HCRUFC Summer Campout in July. Last years was held at The Bickerton Poacher but, again, dates and venue will be confirmed shortly. This was a really good event last year – don’t forget that WAGs and kids are more than welcome to join us!

Finally, as mentioned last week, we have the Big HCRUFC Bike Ride to Twickenham in November! 10-15 people have already registered their interest and if you’d like to join in please speak to Andy P or Big Jase Whitehead. The club are hoping to raise a combined target of £5,000 so the sooner participants are able to start fund-raising the better. Dates for this will be Wednesday 23 November to Saturday 26 November.

So as always, there is loads going on without even mentioning Vets fixtures, random sessions and – let’s face it – most Saturday evenings after a game!

And no, I haven’t forgotten about tour – more on that later!

Video of the Week

Pleased to announce that Jack Baskerville gave himself detention, lines and the cane for his poor performance recently, which seems to have done the trick. We have 2 videos this week, not rugby-related but topical nonetheless. In honour of the 2 legends of music and film who passed away this week, we have David Bowie performing Starman (complete with more dodgy haircuts than you’d see at Station Road on a Saturday afternoon) and an Alan Rickman as The Sherriff of Nottingham mash-up.

Enjoy the video here.

And here.

Tour 2016 – Back to Barca!

Gentlemen and tour virgins – our annual serious rugby playing trip is less than 5 months away so it must be time for an update. Firstly, the important, boring stuff – you need to have paid another £50 into the tour account by the end of February as there are a few things to be paid for (airport transfers, accommodation, a new vest for Mike Lightfoot etc.).

Regular readers of The Weekly Roundup (and there must be at least a couple of you) will have already seen the Room Draw and know who you will be sharing with. The much more prestigious Find Dooga Teams Draw will be held in the not too distant future with results being announced at some point when the TOW and ATOW can be bothered.

The infamous Tour Programme is now under way (well, TOW has created a blank Word document on his work computer) and rumour has it that a guest writer is being brought in this year, mainly because the regular writers aren’t funny. A Tour Meeting will also be arranged at some point to discuss and agree crucial details such as T-Shirt colours, fancy dress theme and rota for looking after Tommy 2 Shandies from 11am onwards.

Reminder that dates are 10-13 June and we are staying near Barcelona in the quiet fishing village of Lloret de Mar…

Ask El Tel

More expert advice from everyone's favourite Agony Uncle.

El Tel

I'm a relative newcomer to the club but everyone has made me feel so welcome it's like I've played here my whole life. As soon as I stepped into The Vic Club after my first game, there was Deep Pockets kindly letting me buy him a beer, the TOW signing me up for my first tour (can't wait - he says everyone's going to be so nice to me!), and Network Rail's Finest giving me advice on how to improve my all-round game at second row (he told me to punch people more).

So really I haven't got any major problems and my life with the Blue & Gold couldn't be happier. The only thing I need your help with is that I can never decide which takeaway to eat as my pre-match meal. What do you think? Are you an El Fourno kinda guy or more of a Fish Bar man? Or do you like the more exotic options such as Sun Kong or Spice Junction?

Yours ravenously

CG4, Holmes Chapel Precinct

P.S. Are you aware of any plans to open up a McDonalds in the village?

Dear CG4

We are so glad that you are settling into the Blue & Gold way of life and joining us on tour. As you can see there are many delightful things to do and join in with. We are sure that as time goes by you will harden up to the greater challenges such as “necking lemonade and lager” with Tommy Two Shandies, getting lost on tour and falling off stools with the Tumbling Weeble, and Uncle Stokie (alias the Virgin Master) will have lots of silly games for you to play while being joyfully ribbed by your fellow tourists…

The subject of food is one close to my heart, or is that stomach? Now there are some who would tell you that fitness is key but as Captain Suck Thumb would say (what does he know?) for the second row bulk is importanter!! Lining the stomach for the game and afterwards is also important if not the importantest… For the true rugby player at our level it is essential to practice drinking on a Friday night as you never know if you will be “Dick of the Day” and celebrate by necking a shandy. It is also a good idea to line the stomach in case it is necessary to be sick on the field of play through your hangover getting the better of you. To ensure a smooth delivery at the quickest rate go for a runny curry such as a Korma or even a Jalfrezi as this will wash away from the pitch quickly. It is neither big nor clever to go for a Vindaloo, Madras or Phar as this can give you a stiff neck and ring of fire. Plus it can become unpleasant for the back row boys. After Friday night’s ruby murray a Saturday layby special of Tracey’s finest breakfast barm will set you up nicely for a pre-match brew.

Of course now that Swan Lager and a packet of out of date pork scratchings are off the agenda to set you up for Saturday nights, it can be a bit daunting without some decent stomach lining especially if it’s a choice between waiting on Deep Pockets to buy a drink while TOWIE regales you with tales of “clubs what I have played for and against” or venturing on Uncle Makka’s gentle tour of Middlewich’s finest beer emporiums. So before you set off after the game, sneak to El Fourno for an American Hot with extra jalapenos and chillies or London Bar (tour sponsors exceptionelle!) for the 3 Meats Mixed kebab with as much hot chilli and garlic mayo as you can squeeze in. Guaranteed that if you make it through the night your breath will ward off anyone bothering you in the morning if you don’t feel too good… As for McDonalds go and wash your mouth out with soapy water you naughty boy!!

So to conclude I have had a word with Uncle Stokie and I am sure he will arrange a lovely mild meal while you are on tour when you become a DSTVB (the meaning of which will be revealed by TOWIE).

Best wishes as always

Uncle El Tel

Makka’s Tour Sleep Counter (sponsored by Joe Maddock’s Fact of the Week)

148 Sleeps To Go!

Joe says:

“If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. Sorry, but that just doesn’t seem worth it. And what if you prefer tea? They really haven’t thought this through.”