Sadly, there is no rugby from last weekend to report on as all games in Freshlet Division 4 South fell victim to the weather. The fixture against Linley & Kidsgrove 2nd XV has been rescheduled for Saturday 27 February so make sure you cancel any plans you may have had for that day!

This Saturday sees a huge game at Station Road in a showdown of 1st vs. 2nd place in the league table as Chapel take on Whitchurch 3rd XV. Whitchurch are one of only 2 sides to record league victories over the Blue & Gold this season so it looks set to be a cracker. Whitchurch come into the game on the back of a 78-10 win over Linley and will no doubt be confident of completing the double over the league leaders so Chapel need to find their best performance of the season if they want to increase their lead at the top.

Kick-off this weekend is at 2.15pm and we would love to see our great support continue for such a big game.

Captain’s Log

Chapel Captain Dom Moss talks training, tomorrow’s big game and a night out.

Unfortunately, due to poor weather conditions last Saturday's game vs Linley was postponed.

This week however sees us welcome Whitchurch 3's to station Road. In the reverse fixture Whitchurch were the team to end our unbeaten run which spanned over 18 months. We will be looking for a different result this week but are expecting a tough game against a strong side also pushing for a promotion place.

Training was again very well attended with 20 lads making the effort on a cold Wednesday night. The effort and energy shown by the lads seems to get better every week which is making selection even more difficult.

The meet time for Saturday will be 13:00 at the Community Centre. Supporters are very welcome.

Make sure everyone attends the Vic Club afterwards as Michelle will be putting some food on for the players. A few of the lads are heading out for a few beers after with either Wilmslow or Sandbach the destinations. Feel free to join us.

See you on Saturday.

Dom.

Vets XV aka The Ancients

Exciting news from the Vets…thanks to a mate of Steve "The Hitman" Hatton, Holmes Chapel RUFC Ancients will be hosting Purley John Fisher RFC Vets on St. George's Day (that’s Saturday 23 April to us Welsh, Scots and Germans) for their annual serious rugby-playing trip!

The PJFRFC Vets will arrive on Friday 22 April and are staying in Middlewich so it would be great for those that are free to join them for a beer that evening. Then, on the Saturday we will be kicking off at 1pm as a curtain-raiser for the 1st XV’s game against Congleton (which will be a chance for the Ancients to bang on about how much better than today's crop they used to be). Saturday will also feature one of El Tel’s World Famous Pitchside BBQs and, of course, plenty of liquid refreshments. Hopefully the whole club will be out in force to welcome our friends from Surrey and make the Saturday a day and evening to remember. There are even rumours that this is the weekend Lighty buys his annual round (no promises on that one though).

Some info on our guests…

Purley John Fisher Rugby Club was established in 1997 with the merger of Purley RFC and John Fisher Old Boys RFC. PJF Rugby prides itself in being one of the most successful and sociable rugby clubs in Surrey. The club is based in Old Coulsdon. The club presently has three senior teams, plus Vets and Academy teams, all of which compete within their own respective leagues and competitions. The 1st XV plays in the English Clubs Championship – London 3 South West league. The club is predominately comprised of players from the local area, combined and supported by the club’s youth development efforts in conjunction with The John Fisher School in Purley and Coulsdon College.

We look forward to welcoming them in April.

The Ancients next fixture is away at Knutsford on Saturday 20 February, please let Andy P, Welsh Andy or Michelle C know if you are available.

Keep these dates in your diary for future matches:

20th February 2016
13th March 2016
16th April 2016

Odd Shaped Balls

No report – assuming we lost again

Wizards of Oswestry

On Saturday 13 February, the Blue & Gold will be following the Yellow Brick Road to play Oswestry 2nd XV in the league and our very own Wicked Witch of the West (aka Makka) has organised a bus trip for the occasion. Anyone who has been before knows what a great day out this is, it’s just a shame we have to postpone the drinking to play rugby first.

For all players and supporters planning on making the trip, the bus will leave Holmes Chapel Community Centre at 11:30am to reach Oswestry in plenty of time for the team to warm up and spectators to have some refreshments. After the game we plan on sticking around to watch Wales v Scotland in the 6 Nations over a few beers, before reboarding the coach and heading back to Cheshire. As an added bonus, Makka is going to magic up a stop-off at a mystery pub (in other words, one that hasn’t banned us yet) to break up the arduous journey home.

Seats on the bus are £5 a head – there are a few left available so speak to Makka asap to book your place!

Video of the Week

Jack Baskerville has again plundered Rugby League this week, although to be fair it’s another outrageous piece of skill. Quite possibly the most impressive pick-up since Rob Moore went on a night out with a dozen Cheshire Housewives.

Enjoy the video here.

Care in the Community

As you all know, the AP Club is being transformed into our new home, the Holmes Chapel Community Centre, and work continues apace to complete the renovations. One of the final areas to be launched will be the new bar as work on this is still in progress. This gave us an idea – why not go out to our membership and see what features they would like to see when the new space is unveiled? Here are some of the responses below*:

Keith – A lower bar or a higher floor
Gazza – A shopping centre
John Leary – A grotto and a workshop for his Elves
Dan Martin – Higher ceilings
Little Lighty – Stair rails
Callum – A map of Wilmslow
Joe Maddock – A barber
Tom Chambers – A bed
Big Lighty – An honesty bar
Jed – A boxing ring
Conor Gavin – A food hall
Harry Jeanes – A mud pit
Jack Baskerville – More showers
Ed Chappell & Joe Foulkes – An Xbox
Neil Almond – A Twister board
Makka – Comfy toilets
Mike Cottam – Silk curtains
Andy John – Welsh signage
Luke Day – A calendar
All Tourists – An isolation tank for Tour Virgins

*Responses may or may not be a total and utter fabrication. In the unlikely event that anyone from the team responsible for redesigning the HCCC bar area is reading this rubbish, please disregard all the above suggestions. Well, maybe stick with the isolation tank…

Ask El Tel

More expert advice from everyone's favourite Agony Uncle.

Dear El Tel,

I've played for the mighty Ancients whenever possible for several years and like to think I'm a flexible chap, as in I can play in several position and will always do my upmost to be available. Please tell me though, why-oh-why do the Vets keep arranging games a few hours after I've landed from my latest business trip? It's not easy in first class you know! I'm woken every couple of hours for champagne or a plate of finest fillet steak and last month the movies they showed were nearly 2 weeks out of date! Are they trying to test my endurance to see if I'm worthy of a spot on tour when I pluck up the courage to come along?

Help me El Tel!

Global Traveller (the posh kind, not the Mad Pup kind)

Was in Middlewich, now in Cranage

Dear GT

Those of us who have travelled the known universe will sympathise with you. It is a hard life having to slum it with the hoi polloi but sometimes it just has to be done. What I have learnt over the years is that it helps you to appreciate life’s little luxuries after having your face trod in the mud, ears chewed half off, ribs cracked and your arm pulled out of its socket and that’s just from your own team in the warm up! Your chums in the Ancients realise that it is their duty to keep your feet firmly on the ground knowing what an international jet setter you are. However, they would be a lot more accommodating if you shared those little bottles of toiletries you pick up in the hotel and used your duty free allowance to bring back some spirits to help the boys in the pre match warm up…

Now whilst we appreciate that you are very flexible and adaptable in your positions (i.e. happy to sit either side of the plane in Super Go Faster with GT Stripes Extra Special First Class or even sometimes having Dom Pérignon 2004 Champagne when the Krug Clos du Mesnil 2000 runs out (but I suppose we all have to make sacrifices)), believe it or not there is more to life than turning left on the plane! Oh yes and that’s why Stokie Roofer would be honoured if you could become his virgin join us on tour. It would be an amazing experience for you having to go through normal channels instead of express, giggling while I have my plastic squeaky truncheon removed (from my bag not my anatomy I hasten to add!) and Angry Dave is strip searched as they try to find his mallet. There’s also paying for unknown food substitutes on Sleazy Jet, seeing how many cans of Stella you can drink in a two-hour flight (purely for research purposes you understand) and even playing Hunt the Makka in the airport…

Yes, tour can be such fun, such Jolly Japes! See how the other 99% live ~ you won’t be sorry (well you will, but it will give us a laugh or two). Unfortunately, no one can tell you about it as ~ what goes on tour, stays on tour ~ and we promise not to tell Emirates that you travelled with us ~ for a price! So book your place on tour, order 2 litres of Absinthe for the next Ancients game for lubrication, and don’t forget to have BA drop you off at Arclid International Airport for the pre match charabanc.

Happy Travelling (the posh kind, not the Mad Pup kind)

El Tel

Don’t forget! If you are going on tour, make sure you ask El Tel a question on the forum! As the font of all knowledge he needs to keep his mind active so will now be offering a prize for ‘question of the week’ but to be eligible you must post on the forum. Winners will be announced in The Weekly Roundup and prized will be awarded either on Saturdays or on Tour.

And the first week’s winner is Harry “Come On!” Jeanes who wins a free raffle ticket on Find Dooga Day. Well done Harry.

So what are you waiting for? Visit the forum now and Ask El Tel!

Makka’s Tour Sleep Counter (sponsored by Joe Maddock’s Fact of the Week)

140 Sleeps To Go!

Joe says:

“In Ancient Greece, if a woman watched even one Olympic event, she was executed. To be fair, I tried watching the trampolining once and nearly died of boredom so I can sympathise with the poor girls.”