The 1st XV just about did enough to defeat a committed Congleton 2s outfit last weekend in the last home game of the season. It was by no means one of Chapel’s best performances of the campaign, especially in the second half, but the lead they had built up was large enough to hold off the visitors’ comeback. Tryscorers were Jack Cottam, Bob Hamilton, Dom Moss and Luke Day, with Andy Davies converting all 4 scores. While always satisfying to win a local derby, the lads will know they can play better and need to step up the performance this coming weekend for the last game of the season.

Read the match report here or pick up a copy of the Crewe Chronicle or Knutsford Guardian.

Around the league, Linley were awarded a walkover against Trafford, Bowdon secured a much-needed win at Northwich, Crewe & Nantwich hammered Old Bedians away from home and Sandbach registered a shock victory at Oswestry.

This weekend, Chapel complete their 2015/16 fixtures with a trip to Crewe & Nantwich 3s. Crewe have been one of the title and promotion contenders all season, only falling away during the final run-in. They will no doubt want to finish their campaign in style so the Blue & Gold can expect an incredibly tough game before a well-earned summer break.

Kick-off is at 3pm, all spectators – as always – are welcome and we appreciate your support this season.

Vets XV aka The Ancients

What a day for The Ancients last weekend! Despite coming second best to a strong Purley John Fisher side, the old boys had a great time both on and off the field with our visitors from down south. Steve Hatton scooped the Man of the Match award for managing to run more than 15 metres without falling over and successfully completing a pass at the end of it.

Read the match report here.

Sadly, that’s it for The Ancients this season as we haven’t been able to schedule in any more matches. They will return next season and, in the meantime, all of our old boys are welcome to attend pre-season fitness and rugby training (stop sniggering at the back).

2016 AGM

In a few weeks’ time, Holmes Chapel RUFC will be holding our Annual General Meeting. This is open for all club members to attend and we encourage everyone to come along, whether you intend to take on a position for next season or not.

Individuals are nominated to perform roles within the club. In the event of more than one person standing for a role, a vote is cast with all decisions final. If you would like to step up and play a more active role in your local rugby club, then now is your opportunity to put your hand up.

Some of the positions that will be allocated are:

1st XV Captain
2nd XV Captain
Ancients Captain
Club Chairman
Club Secretary
Treasurer
Fixture Secretary
Social Secretary

The meeting is being held at The Vic Club on the evening of Friday 3 June (exact start time will be confirmed). We hope to see you all there.

Video of the Week

Apologies - no video this week

El Capitano Dominici

With the Championship clinched and only one more game to go before a long league campaign comes to an end, it seems the right time to acknowledge the sterling job carried out by our Captain, Dom Moss.

Dom took over the Captaincy when predecessor Tom Chambers embarked on his round-the-world trip last March. Although the team sat at the top of Division 5 South and were in the later stages of the cup, if anything this added to the pressure on Dom to continue the great job that Tom had already started. No-one needed to worry, as the league title was won with a few games to spare, followed by victory in the Lighting & Building Services Plate to seal an unbeaten, double-winning season.

Elected to continue the role at the AGM, Dom set about building for the new season at a higher level. This is a never an easy task, but a good pre-season combined with some new arrivals helped set the team up for the new campaign. 9 months later and Chapel are, again, league winners and can look forward to another huge challenge next season.

Of course, it is only right to mention a few of Dom’s finest moments and highlights of the season…

1. Giving a referee directions to the Vic Club “turn left out of the AP Club, then left at the traffic lights, then right when you see ‘the tree’”
2. Managing to be angry every Wednesday and Saturday for a whole year and breaking the world record for telling people to “shut the **** up”
3. Arranging meet times so early that we are usually at away games before the opposition have arrived
4. Having an awesome lid (OK, no-one said that really)

We also sent a text out to a few of the lads asking them to sum up Dom Moss this season in one word. With duplicates removed, the list is below:

Plumb
Superstar
Nosey
Angry
Hitler
Hormonal
Arsey
Hero
Hoover
Adolf
Leader
OK
Gobshite
Committed
Cunning (slightly edited – ask Dave Steer for the original)
Anti-K (as above – ask Jed for the original)
Grumpyarsehole
Nose
Fun-sponge
Legend
Ballbag

Banter aside, I know everyone really appreciates the job that Dom has done and how hard he has worked. 1st XV Captain is the toughest role in the club bar none, so he deserves everyone’s respect for the way he has carried out the task.

As well as the on and off the field captaincy he has also given up countless hours for pitch marking and other activities that allow us all to play rugby each week.

Whatever the result of our last game of the season, let’s make sure we put that extra effort in for the skipper on Saturday.

Ask El Tel

More expert advice from everyone's favourite Agony Uncle.

El Tel

Although I've really enjoyed being skipper of the Blue & Gold, I have occasionally received feedback that I can be a little on the moody side. I particularly like to shout at Michael McIntyre and my Owly Brother, even when they are playing well and scoring tries.

Lord nose I'm usually such a nice guy and I'm always the life and soul of the party on tour. Now we have achieved my goal of winning the league, how can I stop being so uptight and enjoy myself with the lads again?

Henry The Hoover, Holmes Chapel

Dear El Capitano

It can be tremendous pressure having to follow in the footsteps of great players especially when they are staggering between pubs on the 12 pubs of Christmas or sleeping in unusual places where you can’t find them. Many players find ways of coping such as sleeping through days on tour, going back to Australia, or coaching professional clubs. I know that you have tried hard to fit in by crashing and burning on dance floors, telling other players how much you love them (admittedly after a few sherberts), driving grass rollers and even emulating the Wing Commander by joining the RAF.

We are very proud of you for leading the boys to winning the league and indeed your moaning and whinging great enthusiasm has driven the boys along, even if it was just making them run faster to get away from another rollicking… However why not enjoy your reputation and build on it, make it your trade mark, after all we have grown use to it! You know like Deep Pockets has … well Deep Pockets, Network’s Rails finest has turned pacing up and down the sideline into an art form and the Blue & Gold Weeble has taken to falling off bar stools. Father Christmas has had many a young lady sit on his knee to tell him what she wants most for Christmas, and the Virgin Meister is renowned for frightening DSTVBs and young children having replaced the Boogey Man in Stoke as a parent’s threat to their kids if they don’t go to bed on time. What you need is a trade mark and being a miserable old bugger could be yours!!

Alternatively you could get yourself a rub down with chip fat in the Thai massage parlour in Hanley, allegedly. That could help you relax, I know it does wonders for …….

So as Owly would say, chill bro and get another drink in

Love and kisses for leading us to another porn motion promotion (sorry ~ bloody predictive text issue!)

El Tel

Odd Shaped Balls

Apologies, due to earlier than usual publication we can’t bring you the Odd Shaped Balls report this week. We will catch up with Dave Steer’s reports in future Weekly Roundups.

Makka’s Tour Sleep Counter (sponsored by Joe Maddock’s Fact of the Week)

42 Sleeps To Go!

Joe says:

“When a zebrafish gets heart disease, it simply discards it and grows a new one. I wish I could do that with my liver.”