Horsham 1-1 Saxons
Could have had a sleepover
A fresh 10am meet time left a lot of the boys confused as to what Strawberry Sergeant Mikey Campbell was thinking for a 13.30 away game is Hastings. Most trips to the shore are at midday, or the in the summer and never usually Hastings. The meet time was so early that local do-gooder, Grout had decided to abandon his car in the middle of the car park, rather than bother to stick to the usual methods of parking.
A secondary team meeting in Burgess Hill's world famous Burger King saw half the team line their stomachs with some meats of questionable origin, whilst a travel sick captain decided the best stomach settler would be a pastry and some fizzy coke. 2 bad decisions so far did not bode well for the D of the Day lead runner. Edwin Graham making his long awaited return to the 3s after a hand based incident behind closed doors, was extremely worried for the upholstery of his car with the veggie veteran feeling queasy, however helped in the dietary decision for Campbell.
The team arrived in Hastings with a solid hour and a half to spare, and sat listening to some of the newest and freshest tracks, courtesy of the two really annoying teenagers playing them on their phones in the corner of the clubhouse, yet had not discovered earphones yet. David Perrie, Andy Fordster and Sam Tash Mason arrived after having some debatable sausage sandwiches on the seafront, looking worse off for it.
Smithy, the goal scoring machine of late, still managed to arrive 5 minutes after the the pitch side meeting, showing his amazing ability to defy the captains obvious joke of a meet time, which the rest of us had fallen victim to.
A solid warm up lead by Philly Daddy Butcher, saw Sam Kimbo strutting his stuff in a leather jacket, winning the price for most fashionable warm up, until his fresh title was ripped away by a Saxon player who decided a fur lined hood was the only appropriate attire.
A quick warm up on pitch saw Horsham turn the pressure on instantly, with a constant stream of attacking runs, and pressure on their keeper. a pass across the D from Kimbo to Spiers saw a flick at goal get caught in the kneepads of the keeper, earning the boys their first short of the day. A ball top D to Kimbo for what would be a Smithy strike was dragged across the goal to Spiers who managed to play it straight to a defender, in a very Charitable shot.
The pressure was maintained with Horsham showing what they had trained for and stretched in the car for. Eventually, a ball in from Grout, found the keeper, with the deflection falling to Beard Crawley, who turned and went to put the ball in, for it to land infront of The Butcher, but behind the keeper to slice it hard across the line on the reverse. It was there. first goal, but my god did we deserve it.
Hastings were quick to try and counter attack, yet every attempt they made was met by the Solid as a Rock star, Andy Ford, batting every attack away with a level of confidence which left others in awe.
Half time came and the word "lads" was used multiple times. We had to keep strong and keep our heads up. We knew it was going to be a rough game the second we smelt that fresh salty sea air.
The second half started and Hasting showed their true colours....pale blue. As the game progressed, the desperation from the home team left a few marks on Horsham sticks and shin pads alike. Accusations were flying everywhere, "he stole my comb, he flicked my nipple". The umpires had a real game on their hands.
A number of attacks from Horsham on the counter somehow left the half still goal-less until the 68th minute of the game, where an unfortunate short corner was awarded to Hastings for a foot in the D. The ball was injected, and Kimbo was hot on the striker, who panicked and shot like Uncle Bens' killer in Spiderman, ball going "on target" with the padded beast Tom Surridge in line, the ball hit Drill Sergeant Beanys' foot for another Short to be called. One whistle bearer tried to claim it should be a P-flick but was told to wind his neck in and get back in his box. The Short would happen.
Hasting lined up for the exact same routine again, and with a shot, assualted the foot of Beany again, who had had enough and decided to gloriously flick the ball up off of his foot, and slam a bicycle kick in to the goal. Ronaldo stood and watched as he felt his place in the real Madrid team slip. Seriously, it was an unfortunate goal, however, Horsham kept their heads in the game for the final series of passes, but Hastings had battened down the hatches and weren't prepared to let their draw slip. they were looking for just the point. The final whistle came and the boys were straight in the showers to hide the tears. However, all was made better with a pint, and some sausage and chips, much to Perries despair.
Man of the Match went to Andrew Ford for being just that damn good.
D of the day went to Mikey Campbell for an absurd meet time, almost ruining Edwins' car, and again, the absurd meet time.
Goal Scorers - Phil Butcher
Assist - Nick Crawley
Attendence - All of Hastings as there is nothing else to do there.