Horsham 3-2 Worthing
The Ones cheat in a Boat race.
It was the most anticipated game of the season so far. Press conferences had been held with the Australian Prime Minister on the topic of Global Warming and how the 3s can calm it down for them. We explained that global warming was a myth, as it was still cold in England. With a similar logic, I had a meal so that cured world hunger.
There were a few sore heads on Saturday morning as some of the lads had been celebrating being top of the league for a week already. Late comer Stephen gazza Grout along with his driver the Beard Nick Crawley managed to sneak in unnoticed after the warm up, whilst Spiers decided that 5 minutes before push back was an appropriate time to re-grip his soaked stick. There was heartache on the sideline as Philly Cheese Steak Butcher had injured himself in a bizarre sleeping incident, leaving him with a dodgey ankle, and several distressed fans.
The match started with a nervous pushback, with Horsham cracking straight in to the game. 100% effort from the start was required, after a recent study showed that it is impossible to give more than 100%. A string of solid runs and blinding defense saw Horsham force their way up to a short corner relatively early in the game. The ball injected by Billy the bull Billington to the ginger duo at top castle, Kimbo and Smithy, Smithy took it strong and pushed it straight past the keeper in the goal to get the rollercoaster started.
This little victory was short lived as Worthing came back hard on the counter attack and took a goal for themselves. However, noone at Horsham can recall how it happened, so lets assume it didn't. All that was certain was that local traveller Liam Smith was in the midst of it all, still sleepy from his Newcastle journey the previous week. Little sleep was had on his trip... based on the fact it was Newcastle and he was scared that something sinister would happen.
Half time came along, and after an exchange between Goalkeeper Tom and Worthings top goal scorer "aggressive bald shouty man" as I have named him, which left a sour taste in the keepers mouth. The team talk consisted of the word "lads" being said over a dozen times by Linda Mcartney enthusiast, Mikey Campbell.
The Second half started and Worthing started the push. A lot of loose exchanges of the ball, saw their "aggressive bald shouty man" find his way in front of goal, after a fumble, and put the ball over the line. His celebration was pretty dramatic, screaming "how do you like me now" and "I'll be back", shortly before being subbed for being creepy.
Horsham bit back softly with some beautiful runs and well timed passes to find Law "double birthday like the Queen" Mcgrahan at the top of the D, with a strike as soft as a boiled egg finding its way over the line for a Munchkin sized celebration with high fives and low twos.
With the game resting level at 2-2, Horsham looked dangerous, they could taste the top of the league. They could taste victory. They could taste a lot of beverages both past and future.
The end of the game drawing nearer, Horsham managed to pick up a short corner. This was it, time to make dookie or get off the pot. The ball was injected at pace from Billy, to Spiers who took it top, slipped it right to grouty who took it towards goal with a shot, it hit the pads and found its way to the Furious Frenchman, Jean Marshall. With the composure of an eagle swooping in for the kill with a concussion, He picked it up and threw it past the keeper, finding it over the line and Horsham 3-2 up with minutes to spare.
Horsham carried on fighting the good fight up until the bitter end. The final whistle blew. "we are the champions" by Queen playing in all of our minds. People were calling loved ones and telling them how they were coming home soon. It was then reminded that we are only 8 games in to the season, and still unbeaten.
Teas were Chilli and beer, and then a mass curry and beer. This weeks "shower with the team" competition winner went to Stephen Grout, for managing to show up.
Man of the match went to David Perrie for being a boss and having an all around no nonsense attitude. D of the day was a toss up between Tom and Liam for also turning up.
Goals - Smithy (the good one)
Attendence (approx) 19,000