"one thing that gets my goat is the practice of track suited acolytes parading the touch line shouting random and inane comments; “defend the red zone, guys!”, “great D guys!” What? It’s like some sporting version of Sesame street. There was a guy at Portway doing it and it’s annoying, unnecessary and distracting.
Who would ever suggest this was our very own touchline terrier?
I can assure everyone, including Andy, that it definitely wasn't him.
There's no expletives for a start.

A secretly filmed Buccs training session has fallen into my hands, these lads practice any time,any place,anywhere. Very impressive it is too. View it under videos on the home page.It's passed through censorship!

Hull Ionians Hawks 62 Driffield 0
New team manager Linus Penna must think that his job is a piece of cake after the Hawks ran in 62 points for the second week running. I suspect he was just as pleased with the clean sheet as the determined Ionians defence held firm even when they were down to 13 men at one point.
The Hawks were keen to take on Driffield as they suffered two league defeats to them last season which ultimately cost them the league title .However it was soon apparent that this was a much different Driffield pack to the one that shunted Ionians backwards last season. In fact the boot was very much on the other foot as the front row of John Clarke, John Franks and Ally Forth had a field day, taking not just all their own ball but also most of Driffields.The front row were backed up by a very solid second row of Rob Kench and Andy Gleadow who both ruled the line out. The rampaging back row of Lucas Birch, Chris Donks and Danny Zgoda carried the ball up incessantly. In the backs the Hawks were disrupted by a lack of centres and solved the issue by pairing hooker Pat Carty and winger Josh Peterson and drafting in Ben Bainbridge and Boss Kelly on the wings.
The Hawks took the lead from their first real attack as they pushed Driff back from a 5m scrum and scrum half Callum Arro got the touchdown. Stand-off Andy Barrass hit the post with the touchline conversion but went on to kick a penalty and six conversions. Andy also added the second try when he spotted a gap in the Driff defence to speed through untouched. Fullback Ben Rawson scored the third try when he was put clear and won the race to touchdown his own kick ahead. The first half scoring was concluded when prop Johnny Clarke was driven over the line by his fellow forwards to leave the half time score of 25-0.
The second half started with uncontested scrums as one of the Driffield props went down injured. The front row then used their surplus energy as prop John Franks drove to the line and hooker Ally Forth picked up the recycled ball to force his way over. Driffield then raised their game helped by Ionians been reduced to 13 by 2 yellow cards for innocuous offences. With Driffield bearing down on the line a try seemed inevitable, but Ben Rawson plucked a pass out of the air to run the full length of the pitch to score his second try. The forwards took control again and the referee had no option than to award a penalty try as an Ionians driving maul was illegally stopped as it relentlessly drove to the line. Centre Josh Peterson then had a clear run to the line after a determined run and a well-timed offload by flanker Lucas Birch to take the score over the 50 mark. The ninth and final try of the game was scored by Johnny Clarke who showed his deceptive strength to fend off 2 tacklers before running round behind the posts.
After a series of friendly games the Hawks are back in league action week as they travel to take on new opponents West Park Leeds.

Despite overcoming personal problems on Saturday morning, such as realising that the pack of smoked back bacon purchased the previous evening, contained only 7 rashers (yes, 7!!) and being stuck on Hessle Rd with a blown tyre, 30 minutes before the scheduled meet time, Duerden once again arranged a flock of young talent to meet at Ionians before departing down the M180 to Castle Park. 22 able bodied trojans were available this week, as well as captain Will Gaunt to take on the league leaders Doncaster Phoenix.

Upon arrival it was noted that there had been some confusion, Sam Wilson was wearing a Doncaster Knights kit, when clearly it was Reg Port who they wanted as a loanee from our first XV. Nevertheless well done Sam on a well taken try in front of the big crowd.

The warm up was full of energy, class and spear tackles from Steve Bass, which set the lads up perfectly for a top of the league clash. In the first 5 minutes, the Buccs were flying, huge hits from Raymond Coates and Rhys Duerden enabled turnover ball and led to a sustained period of pressure in the home sides 22.

It wasn't long though before the experienced pack from Donny, enabled a clever 10 to start controlling the game territorially and the Buccs were back in their own half. This was the time when the fearless leader William Gaunt had had enough and decided to hurt his achilles, leaving the battering ram Duerden to once again lead his troops.

Soon after, Phoenix took the lead with a well taken try before scoring again quickly after the restart. Following this were further injuries to James 'I can't find my kneecap' Mabbett and flanker Dan Cassen.

This was before Duerden was sin binned for 'being too hard', which noone can argue with closely followed by Steve 'Mad Dog' Bass for looking too much like Charlie Allenby.

The 13 man Buccs did admirably in this period, taking the game into the second half 22-0 down but feeling that if we could re-organise, it would be possible to get back into the game.

Strong carries from front row partners Dan Dennis and Ryan Platten made sure that Buccs never gave up, fighting until the end. After losing prop Rhys Kissack in the warm up and then captain Gaunt, with the scrum under immense pressure on the 5 metre line, tight head Ian Irvin rolled his ankle and had to go off. At this point there were no props left but the attitude of the Buccs skipper, wearing the Ionains crest proudly on his heart, stepped up to the plate admirably… and got his head shoved so far up his backside, he could taste the remainder of the previous nights delights from a lovely meal at 1884.

This example set from the skipper (not Gaunt) carried through the team, and in the dying 5 minutes, phase after phase of forward power enabled Reg 'The Bouncer' Port to dive on a loose ball to get the Buccs on the scoreboard (apparently anyway, you'll have to confirm with Charlie), Duerden wide with the conversion.

Full time and the boys had been in a real battle, special mention goes to 'ard as nails, Harry Platten, The Davey brothers who fought to the end, Flanker Jacob Grantham, who put everything on the line at the breakdown and impressive centres Sam Burnett and Charlie Allenby.

MOM went to the little titan that is Dan Dennis (not because I feel sorry for him, no!) D**k of the day, was intended for Reg Port for stealing a try but was rudely overruled and given to Rhys Duerden, for a) being sent off, b) his propping capabilities and c) his clearance kick that failed to knock some sense into Josh Willinghams head.

Messers Bloomfield and Mabbett proved later in the night how practise makes perfect, defeating almost everyone in the Beer Pong tournament in the Polar Bear.

West Park Leeds away next week, apparently Stuart Lancaster is coming down to do some scouting, so everyone is praying that for a change, Reg has an off day.

*Reg Ports Thoughts*

"I am not going out this Friday, If I can play that well on a hangover, imagine how good I could be with a clear head"

"The speculated fight between Tommy Coyle and Luke Campbell looks a tasty bout, but the real event will be when I take on Chairman Pat at the AGM, I just hope Pat makes Weight."

"Another fine display from the St Johns Ambulance team, who thought that applying ice to young Gaunt's shin, would be the perfect solution to his Achilles injury"