I'b sick. I god a code. I'b achy, cougheeg ab bunged ub, all I do ib blow my doze. I should try to get sub rest, bud I'b too bored of stareeg ad the ceileeg. Hang on... Sorry I sneedze. That's a bid bedder. So while I lie on the couch holdink my heb, here's a scientific question to ponder. If I taped over my nose and mouth, completely sealing them shut - would my sneeze come out through my ears or would my head explode?
I think I've got Influenzotestostero to give it it's full latin name. I really don't know how much of the game I saw and how much was an allergy induced hallucination but here goes... Macclesfield started well, running straight at our defence and passing the ball well and opened the scoring with a finely worked try. This seemed to wake us up and after some great pressure from our pack Manchester scrambled the ball over the line to tie the quarter. The stats didn't make for very inspiring reading at this stage. We had been forced to kick it once to alleviate the pressure (but what a glorious kick it was). Macclesfield won both of our lineouts and their own one. We even lost a scrum, which has been a rarity this season - though to our credit our pack seemed stung by this and didn't let it happen again!
First Quarter: Manchester 1 - Macclesfield 1
If it's coming out green Will
I need antibiotics? The second period was a much better showing for Manchester. We took the lead from a well executed passing move across the pitch for an on-rushing Manchester forward to force himself over the line in the right hand corner. Then we switched off! From the resulting kick off a Macclesfield player was allowed to run through the Manchester lines to score a great solo try. Macc scored a late, late try in this quarter that looked (at least to my delirious fevered mind anyway) a mile offside, BUT we've benefited from these sorts of decisions in the past, so no complaints there from me. The stats (unlike me) were starting to look a bit better by this stage - we'd forced Macc to kick the ball four times, we'd won two out of three of our own lineouts though Macclesfield had won their one, there'd been no scrums (or I'd missed them whilst in the midst of a sneezing fit) and we'd given away a single penalty.
Second Quarter: Manchester 1 - Macclesfield 2
Eeeeuuugggghhhhh!!! Disgusting! Better out than in I suppose, but did anyone see where it landed? Macclesfield put some early pressure on Manchester in the third quarter and scored to take the lead. Manchester turned the ball over at a ruck and managed to scramble an equalising try, only to see Macclesfield score first from a break away at their own scrum and then grab the final try of the half. The stat action of the last quarter seemed now to be on the wane again with Manchester kicking the ball once, lineouts had died a death, we won both our scrums and managed to win one of Maccs two and Manchester also had a penalty awarded.
Third Quarter: Manchester 1 - Macclesfield 3
Hang on a second while I tinkle my special Influenzotestostero bell to alert Mrs Statto that I need a medicinal cheese toastie. In the meantime on with the match report. The fourth quarter was far more nip and tuck than the previous one but was eventually won by a solitary Macclesfield try. The stats were even more waner than before: we kicked the ball once, Macc twice. We won our solitary lineout whereas Macc didn't have one. The same goes for our one scrum and Macclesfield were awarded two penalties. Turnovers in the match were in our favour with 10 to Manchester and 7 to Macclesfield.
Fourth Quarter: Manchester 0 - Macclesfield 1
We were well beaten today by a strong Macc outfit and there is no shame in that. They are well organised, support each other well and tackle hard. They also have a huge squad compared to ours which is something to be very envious about, but if we cut out the simple mistakes from our game we Will
Many apologies for the lack of detail in this weeks match report but this debilitating and highly potent viral infection, a particularly deadly mutation of the more commonly known influenza virus, or even the common cold which women get, has left me bed-ridden for much of the week. I've only managed to raise myself Lazarus-like on Friday to suppress my gag reflex and down a few beers in the desperate hope that the yeast Will
create the antibodies I need to save my life.