Samoan Steve/ S*** Steve/Average Steve depending on how the game went
Which position(s) do you play?
Lock and occasionally flanker/ hooker
Which team do you play for?
Twos or threes
How old were you when you started playing?
What do you like to do outside of rugby?
I enjoy medieval sword fighting, spinning a good yarn and running up and down steep hills in order to admire the view.
What's your favourite drink?
Gwynt Y Ddraig Cider - which is Welsh for The Breath Of A Dragon
What's your favourite food?
Favourite moment in your rugby career to date?
Being awarded Spirit of Bede's Award in 2010. I'm up there with all the greats now: Catman, Rick McEwen, Lloyd, Paul, Foxy er I mean Ben.
Who is the longest in the shower?
Gasman. That's why he hasn't been seen since last year. He has been showering for twelve months solid after someone revenge vommitted into his hair. I wonder who?
Who is the most skilful?
Who is the hardest trainer?
Who is the worst dressed?
Well it certainly can't be me. My wardrobe looks like an explosion between a fancy dress shop and the BBC costume department.
Who is the best boozer?
Pat Doherty is the booze equivalent of a kamikaze pilot.
Who is the biggest moaner?
Who is the hardest person?
Phil Parker: The Terminator
Who is the biggest joker?
Stevie Cook always a laugh a minute, although Catman is giving him a run for his money.
Who is the most brainy?
Martin Coupe - I always enjoy some good banter with him.
Who is the best tackler?
Bannell pound for pound gives some solid hits.
Who is the best tourist?
Who is the best player you have ever played with?
I did kick about with Dafyd Hewitt at school. He went on to play rugby sevens for Wales and captain the Welsh U21s to a Grand Slam. I bet people don't call him: "S*** Dafyd."
Who is the hardest to tackle?
Gasman - you have to catch him first.
Who is the most committed to the club?
Chrissy Hetherington. I think he lives in the lock up. Or at least will haunt it one day.
Old Bedians RUFC, Millgate Lane, Didsbury, Manchester, M20 5QX