After a ‘challenging’ last season, the 2s started their campaign with an away visit to Battersea to play newly promoted side London media. While a few of the older campaigners could remember playing them many years ago, they were largely unfamiliar, with the memory of their strong performance in the Surrey 10s still fresh in the minds of most. After a little struggle the pitch (tiny) and changing rooms (unheated) were located, and the warm up commenced with all the squad assembling virtually on time, looking resplendent in their glorious new kit.
Despite the pre-game showers, the game kicked off at a frenetic pace. With probably the weightiest back five ever assembled in the 2s, Tiffs were not short of willing carriers. Phase after phase of attacks followed, and the men in purple trundled towards the tryline with young Powell marshalling the pack well. The greasy conditions eventually told however, and the ball squirted loose to give the home side the put in at the first scrum. What followed was glorious; Banjo – the thorn between the roses of Layth and Oscar – won the strike, and the Tiffs pack proceeded to shunt the home side back what felt like 20 metres (it was probably more but I couldn’t see), the ball was spun wide, and Tiffs opened the scoring under the sticks. Conversion made by the reliable boot of Watto, and Tiffs were off to a bright start.

More of the same followed with Tiffs keeping the pace high and remaining permanently camped in the Media half. The beefy backrow of Staples, Radley and Cass were consistently bouncing the first tackler, and the girthy centre partnership of Doug and Beels were essentially doing the same. The scrum continued to be a thing of beauty (if you like that thing), and apart from a penalty conceded for allegedly driving upwards the Tiffs scrum didn’t lose a single put in for the fist half. The pressure eventually told with Tiffs going through for another score (possibly Greenfield, maybe Doug, but I can’t be sure). Conversion missed.

Predictably Tiffs could not keep the pace up. Perhaps made overconfident by the lack of attacking threat from Media, Tiffs dropped the pace, got unsettled in defence, and started to fall off tackles. A beautiful attacking move from Media took them from well within their own half up to the Tiffs 22 where the ball was popped to their rampaging prop (I think) who flattened Bardwell on his way to the tryline – score 7 – 12.

Stung into action Tiffs upped their game again. With Media being forced to play from deep the perpetual harrying action from the pack told with the home side shovelling the ball backwards until one of their forwards eventually dropped it behind the tryline and yours truly was on hand to pounce on it and claim his first try in years (with a total of -1 metres to score it). Conversion made and some order was restored. Not long after the whistle went on 90 minutes, a and the first half came to an end.
The second half brought multiple changes. New boy Phil slipped into the row, little Staples took over at 9, and speedsters Littlejohns and Dmitri completed a new look back three. With the rain coming down in force, the game never really developed into the free flowing display it could have been in drier conditions. However, Tiffs were content to live off scraps with the backrow continuing to cause a mess at the breakdown. The Tiffs scrum continued to be a thing of beauty and gave big Staples two easy run ins off the back of it. It can also be reported that happy hooker Banjo broke one of his long running dry spells by getting on the end of a maul to score for the first time in years. Sadly, his other dry spell shows no sign of coming to an end.
With the game having been played for approximately 140 minutes, overgrown toddler Fawcett turned up, changed on the sidelines, and immediately subbed himself on in the backs. Not long after, but probably connected, Old Tiffs stuffed up a restart and Media were able to flop over in the corner for their second score.

With 270 minutes on the clock, exhaustion began to set in (from all those lovely scrums), and my recollection is probably not entirely reliable. I do remember little Staples dropped the ball over the line after an attempted try appropriation from a far more deserving forward. Littlejohns also managed to dot down in the corner after four years away from the game, despite appearing to knock the ball on at least three time. By this point, and despite the best efforts of Big Staples, Fawcett had made his way into the pack, meaning we all had to listen to his relentlessly upbeat chat, and worry every time he flopped into a ruck. There was just enough time for him to be involved in a lovely no 8 move (off the back of an uncontested scrum) to allow Doug to crash over on the 310 minute mark.

Thankfully the whistle went a little after that, and the men in purple could troop off for a bracing cold shower and a refreshing pint at the Media pub where, because of some confusion in the kitchen, Fawcett had to wait 30 minutes for his feed, a burden he carried with stoic good grace and didn’t mention once.

IFLOT x

Honourable mentions

The tight five – By my count the Old Tiffs scrum only lost three put ins (from either side) the entire game before they became uncontested. Sucked the life out of the Media pack.
Watkins – Was targeted with some ‘robust’ shots early on, but wore it like a champ, and gave a masterclass with the boot.
Doug – In what will probably be his only game of the season before he injures something, the chunky centre combined well with Beels (also good), displaying good hands, good lines, and a good boot.

Mom – Layth – the new boy had great fun in the scrum mincing his opposite number, but also turned up in the loose with some telling rumbles and crunching hits. Great nickname as well – fluffy.
DoD – Fawcett – in fairness he had a very good reason for turning up with only 20 minutes left to play. However if there is ever a chance to give the Enfawcer DoD it will be taken. Saw off the filthiest of dirty of pints with disturbing ease.

Tries – W Staples (2), Doug (2), Greenfield, Bannel, Littlejohns, Sedgwick
Conversions – Watkins (5)

by Richard Sedgewick