Articles - The Penallta Herald - by Richard Rowe
The Penallta Herald - by Richard Rowe
Committed club captain Matthew Tucker is taking the American trip very seriously, and is thinking about changing his daytime job to "Chief Ticket Seller'.
Speaking from the security room of his house, which was once his front living room, Matthew, busily counting his money bags, told The Herald that he has never made so much money.
"I've even got contacts in North America,' he told The Herald. "
Even Matthew's secretary, Richard Silver, has benefited from the success. Mr Silver, who is being paid three flagons a week, said, "Tucker's a good boss. He certainly looks after me; he even bought me a new pair of banana trainers last week.'
Meanwhile, outside-half Gazza Davies, who has a degree in sand and cement, is slightly mystified about the whole selling thing. A secret reporter from The Herald overheard the erudite fly-half asking his boss, Curley, how many numbers people had to put down for the "Lucky 4' competition. Curley, who was unsure about the answer, quickly telephoned his trowel partner, Andre Powell, who was in Manchester at the time, in a Janice Battersby Look-a-like Competition. However, Pouchy didn't know.
Nevertheless, the enigma was solved the following day, when old youth player, Glyn Osbourne, told the three brickies that people would need to put four numbers down.
Club Adonis Mark Cooke was over the moon last week after being told he'd won an entry into a modelling competition. Cookie, who was recently sacked as guard dog on Abertridwr common for sleeping on the job, had entered the competition with little confidence of winning.
Speaking between shoots today, Churchill Car Insurance stand-in, Cooke, told The Herald, "The extra money will be great- and the work is easy. The only downfall is that I get a rash from the balaclavas.'
The recent snowy weather went down a treat in Cascade as school kids, whom had the day off, played on the local snowy hills and mountains. Scrum-half Andre Sirocco, who also had the day off, joined in the fun and laughter by letting the kids use his head as a sleigh.
"The kids absolutely loved it,' an onlooker said. "His head was the quickest out of the lot. It must be because it is so flat.'
Local chefs and cooks need not worry, though, because Andre's head can still be used as a frying pan.
Due to appearing in both the Rhymney Valley Express and Western Mail, and having a mention on the radio for writing a book, other scrum half Richard Rowe has put an advert in The Herald, saying that his head can be loaned out to clubs to use his head as a juke box.
It will only cost fifty pounds a night, but people must respect the fact that some of the songs might not work properly due to technical problems.
There were worrying times in Ystrad Mynach Surgery last week, as prop Steven Cribb collapsed on the floor complaining about excruciating pains in his stomach. Doctors, who were initially excited at the prospect of delivering their first baby borne of a man, soon found out the cause, however. After quite a detailed scan, two large, whole kebabs were found in the prop's lower abdomen.
An embarrassed Mr Cribb, who should be sticking to his slimming world diet, was slightly hesitant about answering our reporter's questions yesterday, and simply said, "No comment', when asked how they got there.
A postcard was received from past player Stuart Locke, who, at the moment, is teaching in Sydney, Australia on a teaching exchange.
The postcard highlighted that the ginger teacher, purported cousin of Paul Scholes, was enjoying life down under, but was complaining about the stifling weather. Locke, who is used to wearing vests and cardies which would put Lee Acreman"s to shame, is getting to used to wearing next to nothing almost all of the time.
Speaking from his fridge in Sydney, the boy with the rusty head, said, "I love it here but the weather is awfully hot. The doctor has even prescribed me factor 240 sun-block.'
The Herald had a phone call off a member of the club asking if the tourists will need passports to go to America. He also asked will they be flying, or taking the car.
Well, we can actually inform Leighton Lillwall that they will need passports, and yes, they will be flying- unless, of course, they borrow James Bond's car.
Committed club captain Matthew Tucker is taking the American trip very seriously, and is thinking about changing his daytime job to "Chief Ticket Seller'.
Speaking from the security room of his house, which was once his front living room, Matthew, busily counting his money bags, told The Herald that he has never made so much money.
"I've even got contacts in North America,' he told The Herald. "
Even Matthew's secretary, Richard Silver, has benefited from the success. Mr Silver, who is being paid three flagons a week, said, "Tucker's a good boss. He certainly looks after me; he even bought me a new pair of banana trainers last week.'
Meanwhile, outside-half Gazza Davies, who has a degree in sand and cement, is slightly mystified about the whole selling thing. A secret reporter from The Herald overheard the erudite fly-half asking his boss, Curley, how many numbers people had to put down for the "Lucky 4' competition. Curley, who was unsure about the answer, quickly telephoned his trowel partner, Andre Powell, who was in Manchester at the time, in a Janice Battersby Look-a-like Competition. However, Pouchy didn't know.
Nevertheless, the enigma was solved the following day, when old youth player, Glyn Osbourne, told the three brickies that people would need to put four numbers down.
Club Adonis Mark Cooke was over the moon last week after being told he'd won an entry into a modelling competition. Cookie, who was recently sacked as guard dog on Abertridwr common for sleeping on the job, had entered the competition with little confidence of winning.
Speaking between shoots today, Churchill Car Insurance stand-in, Cooke, told The Herald, "The extra money will be great- and the work is easy. The only downfall is that I get a rash from the balaclavas.'
The recent snowy weather went down a treat in Cascade as school kids, whom had the day off, played on the local snowy hills and mountains. Scrum-half Andre Sirocco, who also had the day off, joined in the fun and laughter by letting the kids use his head as a sleigh.
"The kids absolutely loved it,' an onlooker said. "His head was the quickest out of the lot. It must be because it is so flat.'
Local chefs and cooks need not worry, though, because Andre's head can still be used as a frying pan.
Due to appearing in both the Rhymney Valley Express and Western Mail, and having a mention on the radio for writing a book, other scrum half Richard Rowe has put an advert in The Herald, saying that his head can be loaned out to clubs to use his head as a juke box.
It will only cost fifty pounds a night, but people must respect the fact that some of the songs might not work properly due to technical problems.
There were worrying times in Ystrad Mynach Surgery last week, as prop Steven Cribb collapsed on the floor complaining about excruciating pains in his stomach. Doctors, who were initially excited at the prospect of delivering their first baby borne of a man, soon found out the cause, however. After quite a detailed scan, two large, whole kebabs were found in the prop's lower abdomen.
An embarrassed Mr Cribb, who should be sticking to his slimming world diet, was slightly hesitant about answering our reporter's questions yesterday, and simply said, "No comment', when asked how they got there.
A postcard was received from past player Stuart Locke, who, at the moment, is teaching in Sydney, Australia on a teaching exchange.
The postcard highlighted that the ginger teacher, purported cousin of Paul Scholes, was enjoying life down under, but was complaining about the stifling weather. Locke, who is used to wearing vests and cardies which would put Lee Acreman"s to shame, is getting to used to wearing next to nothing almost all of the time.
Speaking from his fridge in Sydney, the boy with the rusty head, said, "I love it here but the weather is awfully hot. The doctor has even prescribed me factor 240 sun-block.'
The Herald had a phone call off a member of the club asking if the tourists will need passports to go to America. He also asked will they be flying, or taking the car.
Well, we can actually inform Leighton Lillwall that they will need passports, and yes, they will be flying- unless, of course, they borrow James Bond's car.
RSS Feeds