Articles - The Penallta Herald
The Penallta Herald
Veteran prop and 1970s dresser, Lee Acreman made a comeback last week against a formidable Tonmawr side. Acreman, who made his first Penallta appearance back in 1845, came on as prop early in the second half. At first, the fans were unsure who had taken the pitch, but realised after shouts "Is that a mummy?' that it was in fact Pen's oldest player Lee Acreman.
After the game the Herald caught up with the wing-flanker-turned prop to talk about the game. Acreman insisted the scrum had stayed steady because of "sheer strength' and that the sessions on his "garage gym' weights had paid off well. However, after talking to the opposite prop of Tonmawr, the youngster, some 56 years Acreman's junior, put it down to "shaving rash'. "I just couldn't scrummage against the man because his beard kept rubbing against my skin.'
Acreman denied this, stating it was "a load of rubbish' saying he'd shaved during the half-time speeches.
Luckily the Penallta Herald was able to catch up with another prop after the game. First, after hearing a conspiracy theory that he had to come off because he could smell the pasty and chip van by the clubhouse, Steven Cribb insisted that the reason he left the field was because of an acute bout of heartburn. Other theorists insist this is untrue, stating that "He was knackered and wanted a pint'.
Penallta's new signing has shown good potential so far in the warm-up games. The young outside-half, originally with Hafodrynys RFC, also made the Herald laugh when asked why he had been named Derry.
"It's a long story,' answered Derry, "but I think it was because my family lived in Bargoed.'
The herald, after this interview, wishes him all the success for the season and hopes that he will soon dye his hair to its natural colour.
Scrum-half and supposed Gavin Henson look-alike Andre Sirocco did his brother proud last week by being his best man. Insiders say that he did a great job and that his speech was the best of the lot.
"For a boy with an extremely long forehead and flat face, the speech was great. The audience couldn't help laughing, though I was unsure whether it was because of the speech or because his face is so funny to look at.'
Mr Sirocco, who was looking extremely smart on the day, said, "It was because of the speech and the fact I look like Henson that it went down well'.
The bride laughed at this, saying, "Yeah, Jim Henson. You know the one who did The Muppets.'
The Herald would like to congratulate Pouchy and Louise on getting married. The pictures were awesome and it looked like Pouchy had dieted for at least two hours for the special day. After a bit of research, we have also found out that the main reason for the posh car without the roof was that Pouch could easily fit in his ears.
Congratulations to the pair and we wish them a long and happy time together.
Talking about cars without roofs on, Richard Rowe was stuck in his Mazda MX5 the other day because he couldn't get his plasma-screen head out of the driver's seat. After four hours of incessant pulling, the fire service managed to open the soft top and pull Richard to safety.
No damage was done to the car during the rescue.
The Herald has to point out that, despite having the summer off because of a nasty infection in his foot, Rowe will be fighting fit again after a few weeks.
The scrum-half, who has had nearly as many clubs as Steve Barratt, told the Herald that even though he hasn't trained, he is still the quickest over 30 metres.
Full back Karl Rees laughed at this comment, and said, "Ai, if he's on a motorbike.'
The youth team have put in a pledge to the club asking if the new club house can be built in Llanbradach because they are banned from every tavern in Ystrad Mynach. Club chairman Craig Phillips was in diplomatic mood when he heard the pledge and told the youth team to p**s off.
Rhys Cleverly, the Graig-y-rhacca- born and raised-hard nut hooker, is looking forward to the Lucky Four competition today. He told the Herald that if he wins the £5,500 pot tonight then he can buy his dream house in the village, which has scenic views overlooking Trethomas.
Farmer Paul Price was displeased with ex-player and coal deliverer Leighton Lilwall in the week after Leighton seemed to question the farmer's prices on his new and improved venison meat.
Speaking from his farm in Gelligaer, and up to his eyes in horse shit, Paul explained to the Herald what had happened saying that he had offered Leighton 8 venison legs for fifty quid.
"He just walked off and didn't stay anything,' Paul stated.
Later on in the evening, Leighton, when asked why he hadn't purchased the meat, replied, "It was too dear' as he assiduously coloured in his colouring book.
After floods of contributions from the people of Penallta, the Herald has put the money to good use by buying a golden cushion, some tweezers and some savlon for Gazza as he makes his Cardiff debut today.
The Herald is sure that his backside will get better and that he'll be number 1 very soon.
Herald Rumours- are these true?
Penallta comedian Barry Philips has given up his daytime job and is now concentrating on his new taxi service which starts on Saturday night.
Steve Tucker is setting up his own lie detector tests business.
Phil Rowe is going to have hair strengtheners this Christmas, and Wayne Johnson is having a hair transplant.
Matthew Tucker has been offered the main role in the next Rocky movie.
Craig Phillips has thrown out all the Strongbow barrels and replaced them with Woodpecker.
Steven Cribb was seen going into Erhans and ordering a tray of salad.
The council are going to fix the showers immediately and give each player, firsts and seconds, 30k each.
The bar shutters in the clubhouse are going to come down at three o'clock tonight and Julie and Alison are going to be dressed as clowns doing a juggling act.
Graham Munkley will not go red today, and Bryn Powell will be silent during the match.
Steven Cribb will be on the field in the second half.
Mike Oliver has shaved his moustache.
The seconds are going to have a bus today.
The clubhouse has been voted Best Clubhouse in Britain, Trefil and Blaengarw won best fields, and Trinity Fields pitch won best drainage.
Are these really true?
Veteran prop and 1970s dresser, Lee Acreman made a comeback last week against a formidable Tonmawr side. Acreman, who made his first Penallta appearance back in 1845, came on as prop early in the second half. At first, the fans were unsure who had taken the pitch, but realised after shouts "Is that a mummy?' that it was in fact Pen's oldest player Lee Acreman.
After the game the Herald caught up with the wing-flanker-turned prop to talk about the game. Acreman insisted the scrum had stayed steady because of "sheer strength' and that the sessions on his "garage gym' weights had paid off well. However, after talking to the opposite prop of Tonmawr, the youngster, some 56 years Acreman's junior, put it down to "shaving rash'. "I just couldn't scrummage against the man because his beard kept rubbing against my skin.'
Acreman denied this, stating it was "a load of rubbish' saying he'd shaved during the half-time speeches.
Luckily the Penallta Herald was able to catch up with another prop after the game. First, after hearing a conspiracy theory that he had to come off because he could smell the pasty and chip van by the clubhouse, Steven Cribb insisted that the reason he left the field was because of an acute bout of heartburn. Other theorists insist this is untrue, stating that "He was knackered and wanted a pint'.
Penallta's new signing has shown good potential so far in the warm-up games. The young outside-half, originally with Hafodrynys RFC, also made the Herald laugh when asked why he had been named Derry.
"It's a long story,' answered Derry, "but I think it was because my family lived in Bargoed.'
The herald, after this interview, wishes him all the success for the season and hopes that he will soon dye his hair to its natural colour.
Scrum-half and supposed Gavin Henson look-alike Andre Sirocco did his brother proud last week by being his best man. Insiders say that he did a great job and that his speech was the best of the lot.
"For a boy with an extremely long forehead and flat face, the speech was great. The audience couldn't help laughing, though I was unsure whether it was because of the speech or because his face is so funny to look at.'
Mr Sirocco, who was looking extremely smart on the day, said, "It was because of the speech and the fact I look like Henson that it went down well'.
The bride laughed at this, saying, "Yeah, Jim Henson. You know the one who did The Muppets.'
The Herald would like to congratulate Pouchy and Louise on getting married. The pictures were awesome and it looked like Pouchy had dieted for at least two hours for the special day. After a bit of research, we have also found out that the main reason for the posh car without the roof was that Pouch could easily fit in his ears.
Congratulations to the pair and we wish them a long and happy time together.
Talking about cars without roofs on, Richard Rowe was stuck in his Mazda MX5 the other day because he couldn't get his plasma-screen head out of the driver's seat. After four hours of incessant pulling, the fire service managed to open the soft top and pull Richard to safety.
No damage was done to the car during the rescue.
The Herald has to point out that, despite having the summer off because of a nasty infection in his foot, Rowe will be fighting fit again after a few weeks.
The scrum-half, who has had nearly as many clubs as Steve Barratt, told the Herald that even though he hasn't trained, he is still the quickest over 30 metres.
Full back Karl Rees laughed at this comment, and said, "Ai, if he's on a motorbike.'
The youth team have put in a pledge to the club asking if the new club house can be built in Llanbradach because they are banned from every tavern in Ystrad Mynach. Club chairman Craig Phillips was in diplomatic mood when he heard the pledge and told the youth team to p**s off.
Rhys Cleverly, the Graig-y-rhacca- born and raised-hard nut hooker, is looking forward to the Lucky Four competition today. He told the Herald that if he wins the £5,500 pot tonight then he can buy his dream house in the village, which has scenic views overlooking Trethomas.
Farmer Paul Price was displeased with ex-player and coal deliverer Leighton Lilwall in the week after Leighton seemed to question the farmer's prices on his new and improved venison meat.
Speaking from his farm in Gelligaer, and up to his eyes in horse shit, Paul explained to the Herald what had happened saying that he had offered Leighton 8 venison legs for fifty quid.
"He just walked off and didn't stay anything,' Paul stated.
Later on in the evening, Leighton, when asked why he hadn't purchased the meat, replied, "It was too dear' as he assiduously coloured in his colouring book.
After floods of contributions from the people of Penallta, the Herald has put the money to good use by buying a golden cushion, some tweezers and some savlon for Gazza as he makes his Cardiff debut today.
The Herald is sure that his backside will get better and that he'll be number 1 very soon.
Herald Rumours- are these true?
Penallta comedian Barry Philips has given up his daytime job and is now concentrating on his new taxi service which starts on Saturday night.
Steve Tucker is setting up his own lie detector tests business.
Phil Rowe is going to have hair strengtheners this Christmas, and Wayne Johnson is having a hair transplant.
Matthew Tucker has been offered the main role in the next Rocky movie.
Craig Phillips has thrown out all the Strongbow barrels and replaced them with Woodpecker.
Steven Cribb was seen going into Erhans and ordering a tray of salad.
The council are going to fix the showers immediately and give each player, firsts and seconds, 30k each.
The bar shutters in the clubhouse are going to come down at three o'clock tonight and Julie and Alison are going to be dressed as clowns doing a juggling act.
Graham Munkley will not go red today, and Bryn Powell will be silent during the match.
Steven Cribb will be on the field in the second half.
Mike Oliver has shaved his moustache.
The seconds are going to have a bus today.
The clubhouse has been voted Best Clubhouse in Britain, Trefil and Blaengarw won best fields, and Trinity Fields pitch won best drainage.
Are these really true?
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