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2XV - Match centre

Sefton 2
Glossop 2
Sat 10 Feb 14:15 - Halbro North West Leagues - Division 2 South Full time

Getting the band back together

Sefton hosted Glossop this week, a team riding high at the top of the league, but they didn’t get it all their own way. Plus SMR is back.

It was the first game in four months for Gorgeous, coming back after another injury. Unfortunately, his gorgeousness must come at a price, offset by frailness. Questions were asked whether the original man of glass would survive.

Another return was the Gallear, Lancaster, and Mainwaring front row partnership, not seen together since last season. All we needed was Pistol Pete to arrive with his banjo, and the Caine tag team, and it would have been a real reunion.

------- Princess sHambling’s State of Mind ---------
Wailing Wall category 5. Who knows what he is thinking, one thing is for sure, he has broken Campo, who has had to find players for his own team as well as supplement shambling, perhaps he should borrow some of Princess’ antidepressants to numb the pain. Another disappointing cry-off for the thirds meant sHambling was able to field a side, plus subs, a feat that has probably only happened twice this season.

On arrival at the club Jack Beckwith treated us to his hour long, arm reattachment ritual, using five rolls of tape to secure his elbow to his upper arm, Sefton were ready to do battle.

There was questions as to who brought there twelve year old son down to warm up with us, until we realised it was Jay Evans, beardless and smooth skinned he looked unrecognisable. However, due to a serious case of man flue (or boy flue), he was put on the bench for the first half.

Glossop were expected to come out strong in the first twenty minutes, and they didn’t disappoint. However, if they thought they were going to have an easy day, Sefton hadn’t read the script. From the kick-off Sefton nearly registered the first points with an initial surge into Glossop’s half. This wasn’t capitalised on though, and Glossop escaped unharmed.

The first score came from a missed tackle in the middle of the pitch, which allowed the opposition to get behind Sefton’s defence, and over the try line before they could react.

However, Sefton hit back with a score of their own from a penalty. Jonny Orr kicked into the corner and from the lineout they got a push on. When the Glossop defence suddenly disintegrated a gap opened up in the middle of the maul for Luke Griffiths to go through, and over the try line.

You could tell that Gorgeous had been practising his kicking during his time off with some precise kicks put in, it was less evident with his passing, which often went astray leaving Jonny Orr at stand-off reaching for the ball.

Glossop regained their lead with a soft try from a scrum within Sefton’s twenty-two. The opposition took the ball blinds, and were able to outnumber Sefton to score on the wing.

Another switch off in defence cost us again. As Sefton went for a scrum, the ball shoots straight through the middle and out the other side, but instead of retaking the scrum the ref lets it play on. Glossop were the first to react, picking the ball up, and taking it blind to score another cheaply given away try. Campo must have been pleased with his protégé Josh Fowell at full back displaying natural talent in ‘air tackling’.

A series of penalties against Sefton hampered their progress, and for a bit they couldn’t gain ground. This lead to another try for Glossop, who probably thought they had the game in the bag. Matty Cunningham and Gez ‘anger management’ Thomas came on, and this seemed to bolster the side. Sefton started to dominate in the scrum, and began to gain yards. Camped in the oppositions half, Sefton were unlucky not to come away with a score. A penalty on Glossop’s five metre line should’ve seen captain Kiev Mainwaring go over the line, but the ball slipped from his grasp as he went full frontal at the defending line.

Sefton started the second half as they ended the first, pressing Glossop back into their own half. Craig Johnson made a couple of good breaks, but his speed has clearly slowed over the years and was unable to outrun the covering defence. Some sustained pressure though, with quick rucking gave Sefton space on the wing, and with quick hand the ball reached Paddy Walsh who was able to squeeze over to score in the corner.

Tom Montova’s day was over, when he went over on his ankle leaving him hobbling off. With his rock god locks gone, you wonder, if like Samson, it was the secret to his strength.

A penalty in the middle of the pitch was kicked into the corner giving Sefton the lineout, which was caught cleanly by Jack Beckwith, and sent out to the backs. Glossop just managed to keep their defensive line and hold off the attack from one side of the pitch to the other, but when the ball went the other way Craig Johnson was able to spin out of the tackle and go over the line for a try. Jay Evan’s converted.

Now just five points behind, Sefton looked the more confident to go on, and win the game. Another penalty within Glossop’s half gave them options, and they kicked to the corner only to realise both Beckwith and Griffiths were off the pitch. With no height in the lineout, and a confused positional change, Sefton revived ‘spot the ball’ with their own ‘spot the jumper’ competition (see picture). The ball was lost, and Glossop were able to make a break. Though the attack was stopped in its tracks, Sefton had lost considerable ground, and when Glossop get a penalty close to the posts, they kick for the three points.

Sefton did have a chance to recover those points with a kickable chance themselves, but opted for the corner again and go for the try, but it didn’t come to fruition. Further penalties against Sefton ended in frustration as Glossop again get a kickable one, and increased their lead further.

A final push takes the ball deep inside Glossop’s half, as Sefton finally get some momentum. A penalty ten metres out was quickly taken by Gorgeous who manages to avoid all contact and go over under the posts for a try. Converted by Jay Evans. Unfortunately, that was the last play, and with no time for a restart Glossop scrape the win.

One of Sefton’s best performances this season, but the penalty count against them was too high in the latter part of the game. Man of the match went to Craig Johnson who proved his versatility by playing in the centres.

Jay Evans younger look didn’t help him at the bar after, with him been refused service, he may have to bring some id. next week.

Next week Sefton will be playing their away team, as they go away to Whitchurch, with the thirds also away, there is going to be a lot of homies going to Ikea this Saturday.


He has been silent for a bit, but the Sefton Mystery Reporter has returned. This week talking to he who is Gorgeous, Dave Almond.

SMR: So, why are you so Gorgeous?

DA: Haha, I don’t know why people say that, ok I have lovely blond hair and my skin is flawless, but beauty is only skin deep, what about my other talents?

SMR: Oh but look at you, I would.
Talk us through the man bun, was that a fashion mistake?

DA: They were all the rage, it kept my hair out of my eyes, it was a useful fashion accessory.

SMR: Do you not think that made you a target for some big horrible number eight.

DA: I’m a scrum half, back row players don’t need an excuses to hate me.

SMR: So true. You’ve been injured quite a lot in your rugby career, how come you are so breakable?

DA: I guess I have been very unlucky, I’m really quite tough.

SMR: Is that really true? They say you’re the original man of glass, rumour has it, at the end of the season, they cover you in bubble wrap, and box you up till the start of the next season.

DA: That not true, I have a family to look after, I couldn’t spend four months in a box.

SMR: That’s right you’re a young father, is it a problem for your partner and child, that you are so gorgeous?

DA: Does everything have to come down to how gorgeous I am?

SMR: Erm, yes.

DA: Ok, it was a problem at first, Gemma was quite annoyed that I was getting all the attention down at the club, but she has accepted it now.

SMR: How are you going to cope when you get older, do you think you will keep your looks, or are you going to grow old gracefully.

DA: Is this all you’re going to talk about, what about my rugby skill on the pitch?

SMR: What do you mean?

DA: My positional awareness, my tackling, my kicking percentages?

SMR: ……………………….What conditioner do you use on your hair, do you dye it?

DA: I’m off, I’ve had enough of this!

SMR: Can I just have a selfie with………… no then. Damn I didn’t ask him what moisturiser he used.

Dave Almond is currently uninjured and playing, after a lengthy time off. He is still gorgeous.

Team selection

Team selection has not been published for this fixture yet.

League round up

Other Division 2 South results

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League table

# Team Pl Pts
7. Whitchurch 2 24 61
8. Didsbury Toc H 2 24 60
9. Widnes 2 24 59
10. Winnington Park 2 24 45
11. New Brighton 2 24 40
12. Sefton 2 24 40
13. Capenhurst 1 24 31

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