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2XV - Match centre

Sefton 2nd XV
Knutsford
Sat 5 Jan 14:15 - Halbro North West Leagues - Division 3 South Full time

The Nutcracker

The seconds continue to improve with an entertaining performance, but yet again struggling numbers could still hinder their game.

-------- The Crying Game -------
What a week, total silence from the back line when asked for their availability. The Fonze has actually got himself a job, and was unable to commit this week. How selfish, these Spaniards coming here, getting a job, then working on a Saturday!

Carruthers also had a lame excuse, off to Lanzarote for a holiday on Sunday. Obviously he must have been having his legs waxed Saturday in preparation for his trip. The up side was that Precious was back on the scene, after his three week epic house move.

By Saturday morning we had fourteen, having to shame Carruthers from his pre-holiday pampering was a desperate attempt, but it worked. Promising him he could wear the number ten jersey was the deal breaker, which give us fifteen.

It was even worse for Aaron, the hapless third team captain, leaving a flood of tears on the Sefton Wailing Wall as he left for Widnes with just twelve.

------- The Game ------
On pitch captain Mainwaring inspired us all again with his pre-match team talk. His logic this week was that if we wanted to win this match, we had to cheat. Cheat? Who could we turn to in order to achieve this goal? What we needed is someone with a total disregard, and a lack of knowledge of the laws of rugby. Grant Leary was already preparing for his ten minute rest in the sin bin.

Heavily over-laden with forwards, this would dictate the match, with Sefton preferring a forwards game. Sefton started well, and immediately took full advantage of their dominance in the forwards. Pushing Knutsford back in the scrums, and picking and driving at the rucks. A lineout ten metres out gave Sefton the field position, and from there it was inevitable, with JP Ellis eventually crashing over the try line. Precious converted.

Sefton’s second try was just as clinical, with their forwards drawing the defence in, they were able to pass the ball wide. A break by Sexy Matt Simpson almost saw him through to the line, though tackled short, he was able to off-load to Michael Carruthers, who ran round and scored by the posts. Precious converted.

From the re-start Sefton switched off, allowing the ball to bounce whilst everyone stared at it. Knutsford forwards were first to react scooping the ball up, and passing their way through the flaying defence to score an unconverted try.

With their tails up, Knutsford felt confident enough to fling the ball around, and this kept Sefton pinned back in their own half. Some vital tackles by Princess at full back was all that stopped them adding to their score.

The highlight of the match was seeing Princess getting tackled in the ‘tackle’. This must be seen as the world re-balancing itself, ensuring that Princess can’t procreate, thus preventing him from passing his faulty genes onto any unfortunate off-spring. Kalma has returned.

Eventually Sefton fight their way out of their half and into the oppositions. A number of scrums helped them trudge up the pitch before creating a handful of rucks close to their line. Precious takes a gamble and tries to slip through a gap, only to be held up short. With a little push from his forwards, he was able to slip out of the tackle to go over for a try.

The unexpected arrival of Paul Walker gives Brian Gardner a rest, giving the opposition more headaches dealing with our back row, but despite this the score remains three tries to one at the half time break.

Sefton half expected Knutsford to come out all guns blazing at the start of the second half, but it was Sefton who took the initiative. Another break by Sexy Matt* allows him to go on a solo run from inside Sefton’s half. Stepping past the full back, whilst ignoring the support at his side, he is able to run between the posts for a try. Converted by Precious.
*Though Matt is gorgeous, we thought it would confuse people if we called him the ‘new’ Gorgeous, due to the previous Gorgeous, who is now called Precious. Now I’m confused.

Knutsford hit back with a try from a scrum. This time able to get the ball away cleanly and into their centres, where they go through for a try under the posts. Their conversion goes wide though, to give Sefton a comfortable three score lead.

When Precious broke from the back of a ruck, it seemed to sum Knutsford’s day up really. The covering defence moves across the pitch and Precious stops dead as he considers his options. The defence however carry on, leaving a large gap on the inside for him to run in under the posts for a converted try.

Princess goes down again, as it seems someone has had a second go at his Brazil nuts. It was unsure whether it was one of his own players.

Surprisingly Grant Leary leaves the pitch without being sent off, despite his efforts. He is replaced by Carl Ross for the last twenty minutes, who proceeds to search out every Knutsford player so he can run into them. In this I think he failed, as the left winger managed to avoid him.

Jay Dempsey’s attempt at getting a try (second in his career), must be applauded, despite his effort, the try line still eludes him. Instead, a final rampaging try from Sefton came when JP Ellis gets the ball ten metres out. The elusive flanker had no right to score as several defenders pounce on him as he twisted and turned to avoid the arms grabbing him, whilst charging for the line. A final pivot allows him to free his hands, and ground the ball over the try line. Precious converts.

With Princess now off, clearly struggling with his delicate injury, Knutsford earn a conciliation try at the end through some quick passing skills. The conversion kick again goes wide.

A fine team performance, where Sefton kept Knutsford’s dangerous backs quite for most of the game. Despite Grant Leary’s efforts, the ref didn’t allow him to cheat too much, though how he didn’t get a card is pretty astounding.

Some top performances today, with Kiev Mainwaring and JP Ellis doing some solid running, and I am strained to say it, but Michael Carruthers actually did quite well at stand-off, maybe we have eventually found a replacement ten, though he is now selfishly taking a week’s holiday.

Princess (still counting his balls), and Jay Dempsey performed an epic defensive role to prevent the opposition getting any foot hold in the game. However, Precious got Man of the Match, his quick reactions at penalties always putting Knutsford on the back foot, plus two tries, and a handful of conversions. After Blandie’s perfect ball, with a two-step shuffle, it made attacking a lot easier. Let’s hope he doesn’t move house again for a long time.

-------- Who is Sean Muirhead? -------
I’m constantly trying to understand this strange enigma. The birthday boy turned 25 on Saturday, though that surly can’t be his real age, maybe add at least five years on top of that. He did enjoy the full works back rub in the shower after the game though, probably not to Dev and Russ’ valet standard, but he was still squeaky clean. I can’t believe that was the first time a man has lathered him up.

We have now invented a new game in the clubhouse called ‘Is it close up Brian, or far away Brian?’ As the years go by, with him getting louder, and his waist line increases, it is getting harder to decide. Wherever Brian Gardner stands, it is always too close.

Next week the seconds are away at Old Bedians, off now to fulfil my other promise to Carruthers for playing. Just how do you do a speedo wax?

Quilter Kids First Skills Series: 1x1 rip

Team selection

Team selection has not been published for this fixture yet.

League round up

Other Division 3 South results

Glossop 3rd XV
19
44
Lymm Eagles (3rd XV)
65
21
17
34
Moore

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League table

# Team Pl Pts
1. Anselmians 2nd XV 16 62
2. Manchester 2nd XV 16 54
3. Moore 16 53
4. Lymm Eagles (3rd XV) 16 46
5. Sefton 2nd XV 16 44
6. Prenton 2nd XV 15 43
7. Old Bedians 2nd XV 16 39

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