Flat Eric Fails to Score
Southwark RFC Tourists win Without Niall
It all started the Night before, a Whatsapp group hopping like a Hulla calling a fella out for
insulting his Ma. Niall "Analogue Signal" Flannery throwing shapes about how he was gonna be
smashing feens up fuelled by the smallest bottles of beer known to man and a living room that
looked like a halting site. Little did he know that his night of of Yoga and BBC would lead
to such a disastrous outcome.
Meanwhile, David "Wasteman" Parkin was ak'sing bare questions about tings which Blud should
have known well already such as location of Yard. Max was vexed so asked the wasteman to check
the website innit.
Gameday arrives, timings as usual an issue, some people arrive early, the two Irish legends
rocking up at the allotted meet-up time(a first for Southwark Rugby), the greatest Irish
combo since McGuinness and Adams. Some useless fecking eejits forget their Boots and declare
"Allow going back home to get me boots, yeah. That's a long ting" Fortunately, we were able to
source a pair of Sideshow Bob hand-me-downs much to the chagrin of everyone. Me Mandems were
As the warmups commenced, there was still feck all sight of Niall "I drink loads of 2.5% French
beer cause im a fecking legend" Flannery which meant we were teethering on the brink with 15.
In the warm up after absolutely rinsing everyone on the team for pace(twice) I felt a tingling
sensation in my groin but being the absolute hard bastard that I am, I had Thumbs rub it
down for a while, some may say sixteen minutes for a Groin rub is excessive but Mr Fenton
was not to be dissuaded, ever the professional.
After the ball was kicked off, the Southwark 3rds defied all expectation and logic by actually
playing some cohesive Rugby, the forwards were podding up under the direction of Charlie Withers
and the sheer lunacy of PingPong to present clean go forward ball which Phil "I'm a backpacker
lend me some money" distributed with aplomb. Southwark were clinical with James "Unattended
Baggage" Shanamanashan and Al Fresco crossing the Charlton line with ease. The Charlton team
were no pushovers but could scarcely contain the intensity which underpinned the first half.
Gustavo was a fine example of a forward with an existential crisis making a phantom like break
down the middle which sliced the Charlton defence open. Cum Dancer, when not looking at himself
in his pocket mirror was causing all sorts of problems and popped up with a try to put clear
daylight between the teams.
Despite my team mates best efforts to deny me any scoring opportunities on the wing I managed to
carve out a nice run for myself only to be denied inches from the line, I was tackled by at
least 10 men but still managed to get the ball back with impeccable presentation. Half Time
whistle blew, at this stage the score was probably about 24-0 but, the Wasteman ploughing head
was the cause of keeping the opposition in the game.
Early into the second half, we lost our Second Row Gareth down to a boo boo on his knee, (he
was too tall anyway but not tall enough to get his gangly arms over the line), and with it some of the
intensity of our play, Ed and Ping crossed for a few tries of their own, whilst anytime Charlton
threatened to come back into it, we duly replied with tries of our own down the sheer
pace, power and effortless charm(Eric) of our backline. Charlton never looked fit to compete
with us but made a last ditch surge to score in the dying embers of the game, despite tackling
and defending for our lives, they managed to cross the whitewash and actually kick an oval
shaped ball between a set of posts, the Southwark team sat in awe of what it must be like to
posses such a skill.
Nobody else attempted conversions on the Southwark team other than our resident Road/Wasteman.
Niall did eventually show up to buy everyone drinks and chat some shit about some mythical
House Party which kept him in bed just long enough to miss the game, nobody believed him but
at that stage with the amount of Drink being consumed nobody really cared anymore.
Final Score - Southwark 49 - Charlton 12
Scorers - Try's - Russell Grant - 3 - Gerry Adams - 2 - Ping Pong - 1
Ed Richardson - 2, Al Fresco - 1
Conversions - David Parkin - 2
MOM - James ShanShan
DOD - Niall Flannery(we might as well just keep this here for the year)
Writeup courtesy of Eric Clarke (if you couldn't guess)