St Marys Old Boys RFC

We made the scenic journey to Sodbury in torrential rain, which did little to brighten our mood. Upon arrival, we encountered a packed car park due to the early arrival of association footballers, all hair styling product and hot hatches. No-one had a key to the changing room, and for a brief moment there was a suspicion that we may have had to start with uncontested scrums. A disgruntled air hung over the team, it reminded me of the moody, atmospheric opening scene from Blade Runner....

In truth, the first 20 minutes were pretty scrappy. The ball was wet, the surface greasy but we made a good start in the set piece. Having got into their 22, skipper Sean 'Gary' Rhodes orchestrated a great line out drive, the ball went wide and Clive 'Rocky' Blackwell ran a tremendous line to crash over from close range. Harry converted.

Shortly afterwards it was a dominant scrum that again provided the backs with a try, this time Harry breezed through and coverted his own score.

We were playing some really good stuff at this point, but silly errors cost us further scores. We kicked the ball dead, attempted outrageous long passes and tried to barge our way over when soft hands taking the ball wide would have done nicely. It took another break from Clive, like a hot knife through butter,to split the defence, before Rhodesy picked up and drove over. Harry converted.

The final passage of play before the break was our best. Simon Gait, following a Hesketh-style rant at scrum-time, made a break (with his tongue out), he fed inside to the rampaging Matt G who in turn fed Rhodesy for another score. Harry hit the post with the conversion and we turned around with a 26-0 lead.

We were now playing up the slope so wanted to keep ball in hand. Rhodes caught the kick off, and appeared to brush off 8 defenders single handedly before finding the beautiful blonde in support. Sustained pressure had to result in a try, and it was Rhodesy who deservedly crossed for his hat-trick, the misery of getting smashed in the Crown Jewels in the process tempered at his personal joy in getting a jug in after the game (which, to be fair, he did). We led 31-0.

We then had ten minutes of madness. We had a clearance kick charged down and Sodbury hacked through for a converted score under the post. No more than they deserved, they were totally committed throughout. We then tried to repeat the exercise but managed to scramble to safety, our young back three of Bull, Sheppard and Williams looking assured.

Normal service was resumed shortly thereafter, the brilliant Chilcott carrying the ball into the heart of their defence, and great rucking allowed Harry to waltz over for another score that he converted. 38-7.

My favourite score came as time ran out, an exemplary Rhodesy catch and drive, Bob Mac and Gaitsy wrestling each other at the back of a driving mall before Beresford, who ran the game like clockwork throughout, squirted over from close range. Final score 43-7.

The afternoon's major highlights were the debut of teenage wing sensation Miles Hatfield, who came on as a replacement and scorched his way up the right wing, and the return of spectator Rich Bashford, who appeared poker faced when quizzed about the possibility of a playing return.

Clive got man of the match, Harry didn't, and Rhodesey got a drink for his hat-trick, completing a great day for the Winterbourne Down Triumverate.

Next week we have Old B's at home. We face a monumental task as a big slug of our players have decided to go to Twickenham, despite this important game. Those of us left behind will do what we can.