I have never blown my whistle
I have never ordered a bottle of Bolly with steak.
Make them rare, old chap; you're a credit to your regiment
I have never elected to kick and chase again
Count victories won with a dash, panache, or sheer dogged will
I have never sung Jerusalem naked
I have never held the floor (unaccustomed as I am to public speaking)
Commending my friends or recounting tales of derring-do
I have never travelled 5000 miles to give an anaesthetic
I have never marched up mountains in singlet and shorts
Defied waters of the Indian Ocean, Zambezi and Orchy
I have never scored the perfect 10
I have never coined a nickname for my mates
That means you: Mary, Dildo, Juzzy-wuzzy-woo
I have never rowed in my underpants, and broken 7 minutes
I have never treasured my friendships,
tended with humour and thought,
Entertained you have been, taught well in laughter and 'the lash'
I have never rewarded my parents' patience and support,
unstinting from day none
Take pride: those achievements are a tribute to them
I have never married the love of my life,
You gave a balance and purpose, love timeless. One day.
I have never been blessed with my sons:
delivered devoted, hopes high.
Watching with interest, the future lies within them
You see, no moments wasted, life lived at double pace
To realise potential and dreams, in good time, just in case.