And blow my barnacle if we didn't have a few virgins amongst us anarl. Firstly new central defender and beanpole David Scorer donned his curry night bib for the first time, and also troll like Jeff wright came along for the first time.

Firstly, we decided to meet in the marine. To be fair I thought that the brasserie was closer to the top end than it was.... Turns out it's right next door to the pier (almost) But when ya choice of pre curry night boozer is the pier or the marine, you know ya gonna be disappointed.

Anyways there we are in the marine, and in comes Stuey. Without batting an eyelid he looks at tronny and says "alright Frank" in the way that only he can. Then he said "Sorry Quinny" to Ropa and went to the bar.

We all laughed like fuk. chuckling away at Stuey's antics were curry night legends and 100% attendees Smudge and Cat, regulars Spoon, Ropa, Tronny, putting in his first appearance of the new year Adam 'new car' Henson, handsome lads Mikey Parkin and Deano and not forgetting virgins Jeff and Scorer, and of course the ever present Stuey.

There was a lot of mumbling in the bar about the possible cheapness of the night with macca and his penchant for the decadent being absent, but that sharp bit the dust when Jeff jumped on the bottles of cobra with Smudger. Most the lads went for the cobra on draught, and much tontronnysndleightbthey had worthy on tap anarl. As we insist for all curry nights, the popadoms were gratis for wu, and when they were fetching them out I jokingly suggested that if anyone wanted anything not on the special that they would let us have it for the discount price...... And he did! Which was just as well as Shrek was going to town Macca style.

Anyways, get this. The pickle trays were extra special. The was the usual, onion salad, mango chutney, chilli pickle and lime pickle and that white sauce stuff. But the has only been a state of the art breakthrough in popadom accompaniments. This like fluffy orange magical dry powder stuff that is a total break from the norm. We had no idea what it was. Whey it was lush. Finally gets it out of the waiter that's it's, get this, coconut and saffron! Coconut and Fukin saffron? What? Eh? Unbelievable Jeff! That's an extra mark for the bait start away.

In no time the popadoms were gone and to be fair, we waited fukin ages for wu starters. Like a bet it was over a hour. And when they did come, for me, they were alreet. I went back to form and got a stuffed pepper. Like eye, it had the lid on and it was nice, but summit just didn't excite me. I wasn't excited when I saw it, or when I was eating it. It was alreet though. Mikey got summit called hot meat which peaked tronnys interest when he ordered it! Was some kind of lamb thingy and he said it was proppa proppa lush. Stuey got his chicken tikka starter off the Waiter and said "thank you john!" Get this man, Deano only got duck tikka for his starter?! Like who dreamt that up? He said it was phenomenal..... Thanks the exact word he used to describe it!

The mains eventually arrived, like was it still Thursday night? Must of been eleven like. Have to say it was worth the wait. Mine was lush... Really lush. Thing is I can't remember what I had! Sorry. Was supposedly as hot as a vindaloo, but that's what tronny said about his prawn madras!

Scorer got summit that was orange, he said it was spicy as fuk but I somehow doubt it. Mikey got chicken tikka jal frazy and it was delicious to the max. Deano's chicken tikka madras was second to none, meaning that he personally gave the bait a ten out of ten. All in all I think the mains were top notch.nand you know what, the naans were cany anarl. They were light an fluffy on the inside, but had a slight crunch to the outer. I think I got a chilli naan so I'd recommend that if ya fancy summit to spice up ya next Indian.

So as per usual, any curry night virgins have to have a chilli. But I ordered us one each just for the crack. So the waiter fetches out 11 small spicy green bird eye chilliest everyone had one, even Stuey apart from Fukin spooner. Ya'd think with his black belt in jujitsu and mind control he would of just took it like Hong Kong fuey. But na, he wasn't having any of it. So there was one left. They were a bit hot, but not geet hot, despite the vein bein out and sweat dripping off me forehead. Anyways, pops was feeling brave so he had half of the extra one, and scorer chomped the other half. Pops felt the second half like! Hoh.

To be fair, the guys working there were good crack all night. The soon fetched out the ice creams with monkey's blood on. Then comes the bill hand the real after eights. It was a bit pricy, but bearing in mind that we all had an extra drink than normal (as we waited for ages and we were the only fukas in there) so the £230 bill was probably to be expected. The slurps will of been at least £4 each so ya can't really argue that there was nothing left for the kitty.

So the all important scores. For me, the bait was lush, really lush. A can't give it ten out of ten for bait. Like yeah it was lush, not even a thought of a grumble about anything. So thats a nine from me. Service was decent, whey the popadoms were free and daint forget the saffron and coconut! But they had us waiting for what seemed like Fukin ages. Like it took bastad ages for the starters to come, so we gotta mark them doon for that. Not too low though, as the were good crack and that. So 5 out of ten on that.. Value for money.... Eye the was nowt left frontage kitty, but that's Coz we had a few extra beers, so am gonna go with a 7.......But had on, they did also let us have anything on the menu and get it on the special, so am gonna bump it up to a 8 for that giving it a cat total of 22 which is a shame coz the bait was really good. So maybe if ya going out for a curry with ya family, and someone else is paying, this is the place to come! Hoh!

The lads scored it an average of 23 which puts it in joint sixth alongside Radhuni, and it's so long since we were the I can't really remember it!

VETS CURRY NIGHT LEAGUE TABLE
1. International Tandoori - 27.5 Pts
2. Mumbai Central - 27pts
= The Royal (jan 14) - 27 Pts.
= Cafe India (oct 13) - 27 Pts
3. Café India (dec 13) – 25 Pts
4. The Royal – 25 Pts
5. Indigo – 24 pts
6. India brasserie 23pts
=Radhuni – 23 pts
7. Lasun – 22 pts
8. Nan – 20 pts
= Monsoon 20 pts
10. The Raj – 19 pts
= Spice One 20 Pts
12. Ignite – 17 pts

So usually, after a curry night it's best to have a lie in before ya go to work as ya'v gotta get ya craps oot the way or yall be bad all day. But a had to drop my lass off early doors Friday so had had a quick one before we left, at 7:30. My first appointment was in cramlington and a got there for about 8:30, still feeling quite secure in my own bowels. The owld couple were just having a cuppa so I had one too. I should of known better, soon as the tea hit me curry and naan bread it started churning.

Now it's alreet having a piss In people's houses, and I'm sure they'd not mind a regular shite, but a full curry night vindaloo evacuation? Na! They'd be on the phone to my boss, complaining so I just thought (hoped) I could hold it for a bit.

Me next appointment was in Blyth so I'm nearly there and all of a sudden I realised a wasn't gonna make it. A sees a signpost for "sports centre" so a went towards that, with the cramps in me belly gettin worse with every second that passed. 3 or 4 roundabouts later and thes still no sign of the sports centre, and my lower intestine was tying itself in knots. By now I'm actually considering shittin me pants and throwing me kegs away. But av got another 3 appointments to do, and I'm thinkin al probably be smelling of shit and curry.

Then a spots the worlds smallest public toilet. Parked on the double yellows outside of it and ran in. A actually started shitting before me strides were doon and hadn't even noticed there was no bog seat but I was in no mood to hover and just went straight on the porcelain. Now I know ya's are thinking that the is no bog roll, whey the was. But it was soaking wet. I hope it wasn't piss but at the time a didn't care. Eye, whatever it was made me starfish sting, but i just told me sell that it was the chilli from the night before.

Happy days.........