Wickersley Old Village Cricket Club

The photo cleary shows what khurram attempted to hit first ball...plane 1-0 khurram




Team news: speaking with mush on Saturday we only had 9 players with
Minxy out due to work commitments shaaiq priming himself for county action and Reece beefy Shutt pulling out due to falling in love with some random bird off @bobsparracuda.




As I turned up in the car park on sunday getting my gear out of the car all I can see is Micheal bottom lip Donson looking at me an smiling like a Cheshire cat jumping up and down. Asking Mr Donson what is up in his giddy an excited voice replies "I've just been pulled up by the police twice for my lights it's right funny he asked if they were legal so I told them yeah there legal i have a certificate to prove it!!!!!!
Well that set the tone for the next hour as Donson was telling anyone and everyone that he was pulled over.
On to the warm and as we had lost warm up time due to the junior game finishing late we entered the field as always in drips and drabs as usual. Once everyone had come out mush (bottler) decided to get everyone together and asked what we thought we should do If we win the toss against a very youthful Barnsley side. The bottler said he wanted to bat first on a very wet pitch in perfect swing bowling conditions. After everyone agreeing we started with what could only be classed as a short but sweet warm up oh JY trying to hit the ball out of the ground for high catches. So the bottler marched towards the middle to toss u well I say tossed up demanding to bat first or else an the Barnsley skipper back down and bowed down to CPT mushes demands (the start of a bad day for mr Clayton) with a big grin on the bottles face as he walked back into the changing room giving his inspiring team talk telling everybody to bat sensible and there normal game oh apart from you khurram u go out there and play and smash the ball put it out the ground!! Well great words of wisdom there were as the new opening partnership is rich Harrison and khurram walked out to the middle. Where mush you may ask well after getting inside information that his son young Ali would be opening the bowling he said he is not facing him an letting Ali get the bragging writes.
Well the opening partnership went well as khurram arrived back in the changing room before anybody else had left asking uncle bob what had happened he reply was he was reading the underneath of a plane an was caught behind first up for a golden duck. That dismissal brought in shi-dog who has been in decent nick of late after consolidating for a while took the score to 21-1 but then young Ali stuck cleaning Richard up who tried to hit out. In came the inform J sicknote Younis who the week before struck an unbeaten ton. And he do not fail to deliver once again as sicknote an the dog took the score past 100 with a glorious array of shots through the covers from sicknote and shi pulling off all lengths. While this was going out our skipper the bottler went and decided to get everyone out of the masons on the corner an asked them all to pad up!!! With about 7 players padded up both JY an shi went on an past fifty each but shi-dog fell caught behind off barnsleys 4th reserve stumper who was turning his arm over the score was 132-3. So who was going to enter next? After a game of rock paper scissors between the rest of the side the victorious Andy Harrison strode to the crease looking out of soughts Andy decided to pad up to the occasional off spinner Clayton 135-4. In walked dazzler who started off slowly knocking ones an twos around with a partnership forming JY tried smashing the ball out of the ground only to be caught by young Jahangir at long off with the score at 163-5 it looked like the innings was going to Peter out and a score of less then 200 was going to be set. But in walked Donson with his bottom lip following him on the floor. Pugh had a few words with Donson first an foremost telling him to pick that lip up!!! Dazzler had told Donson to play straight and hot through the lip so Donson took this onboard and looked to play horrible village shots after Donson missed his first 5 he blamed his bat and called for another this seemed to work and Donson finally hit one straight over cover for six. Not to be out done dazzler then took on the task of destroying young malkins left arm spin taking him for 21 off his next over but Pugh was soon out after for 43 stuck infront. With still no mush coming in next was stumper Andy Baker who again repeated dazzlers words of playing through the line but Donson dint not take heed an gave himself out lbw off young gough who finished with 3-40 off 7 overs. Finally in at 9 is the bottler who made sure Ali has no overs left. After both Baker an mush got off the mark quickly but mush was left rolling around on the floor with laughter after Baker was struck on the pads well outside the line of off stump and the lads who were having a BBQ 3 gardens down decided to appeal the umpire had his finger up quicker than usain bolt out of the blocks. In came Danny Harrison for his first team bow and the innings closed at 217-8 with young dan with 2 from 2 and mush 3 not out.


Teas were as expected up at wick good but to Andy Harrison's opinion not as good as elsecars the day before as show by only having one plate as to his 4 he had on Saturday.




Barnsley innings got off to a slow start as downing an Donson opened up with the ball. After a couple of big appeals which were not given we had to change something. However we did no want to make the move Donson decided to bring Baker upto the stumps as he was going to slow his pace down and bowl in the same spot each deliver well mush had seen enough after just one ball as Donson looped a tasty half volley down whih was driven comprehensively away for four. Walters and walton looked very comfortable at the crease but once they had brought a century stand up shi-dog hit the pads and with help from the lads in the garden got his man Walton trapped infront.
In came barnsleys overseas kunal who walked in with a purpose. With Donson saying let's have some fun now an start sledging young Baker decided to take up the challenge noticing what was written on the back of kunals bat on his 6 main steps on how to bat Baker decided he would coach him through his innings. This did not seem to work however as kunal could not hit a thing until he did step 2 and waited for the ball and dispatched shi-dog into the garden. However after more tight bowling from shi-dog an mush the game suddenly halted for 5 minutes with kunal refusing to take guard complaining to the umpire big dunc that the keeper keeps talking and is reading everything on the back of his bat and telling him to hit every ball for 6 big Duncs reply was "what do you want me to do get on with it" after another 5 minute wait as kunal read the back of his bat he finally took guard only for mush to clean him up and to get a big send from the wick lads. In came Malkin next looking to rotate the stoke with Walters who was moving closer to his half century. Danny Harrison then was introduced with a bang as Donson decided to catch the ball and then throw it over the boundary for 6 all in the same movement and this was done twice in the day however the second time Donson caught it threw it over the fence behind him and shout at the top of his voice ohhhhhhh maybe young Donson in future concentrate on catching the ball!!!!!!. Khurram was reintroduced Into the attack from the club house end and firstly cleaning up Malkin with ease to reduce the visitors to 156-3 and with the run rate declining all the time barnsley were odds on favourites to win. That is where khurram came into his own he then remove walters for a very well played 63 and then skipper Clayton first up so khurram was on for a hat-trick however the ball hit young jahangirs pad infront of the stumps and nobody appealed khurram robbed himself of his first hat trick of his career as he did not appeal. So it was left to young Ali and Tom starkes to knock of the remaining runs. With Starkes and Jahangir Playing well and Starkes taking most of the strike and playing well he briught it down to needing 8 to win off the last over with Donson to bowl it Who decided he has a plan to bowl a very slow short ball to stakes with a short leg side and only one man on it he hit it straight down khurrams throat. Ben whitehouse was next man in and he got off the mark straight away but was run out by uncle bob running his second. With 7 needed off 4 Emmanuel Petitt walked to the crease and took a run so we were down to 6 from 3 with Ali having to take responsibility to hot the winning runs however only one was managed from the last 3 deliveries.




Wickersley finally got a well earned victory in the whitworth well done lads lets take this performance into next weeks match against Darfield and let's get another 7 points on the board.


There are still some unswered questions from Sunday though:
Are donsons lights really legal? Will beefy play next week or is he still in love? Can kunal really read? as he did not take note of his instructions on the back of his bat. And why did mush really bottle it?????


please note this is comical and not intended to offend anyone...if this does let me know and i will have a word with the truth