Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

No one knew she had a dental implant until it came out in a conversation.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.

A new type of broom has come out, it is sweeping the nation.

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

5000 hares have escaped from the zoo. The police are combing the area.

When the TV repairman got married the reception was excellent.

I met a girl at an internet cafe, but we didn't click.

If towels could tell jokes, they would probably have a dry sense of humour.

Police were called to a nursery where a three year old was resisting a rest.

I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

If you asked a plastic surgeon to make you look like a pelican, would you get a massive bill?

Someone left a piece of Plasticine in my house. I didn’t know what to make of it.

I’ve spilt glue all over my autobiography. At least that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

I’ve just eaten a very hard biscuit; that was one tough cookie.

There are a few grave diggers wandering around the local graveyard; I think they’ve lost the plot.

When I found out my toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked.

I have an irrational fear of speed bumps; but I’m slowly getting over it.

I worked in a paperless office once; everyone avoided the toilets.

The invention of the pickaxe was ground breaking.

I have a very successful business building yachts in the attic; sails are going through the roof.