Twas a warm summers night and the season had just finished (we’re back in 2011 now) and after using all of his credit on his mobile, Dicky decided the only way to get a coaching team for the coming season was to go and camp in the front garden of his #1 choice. So here we are in Dicky’s makeshift tent outside a posh house just off Wigan Lane, with his occupy chip demonstration. Dicky could be heard cat calling late into the night and after 3 long weeks Chip Senior finally emerged from said property and agreed to take over the reins of the mighty 2’s for the 2011/2012 season. Just as Dicky was about to move his camp round to Gregsons he was reliably informed that Chip had already spoken to him and Nick had agreed to make up the other 50% as long as gypsy buckley didn’t turn up on his front lawn. Dicky had finally achieved his life-long ambition of being a team manager alongside 2 legends of the game.
Pre-season came and went, as did many of the lads love handles and muffin tops and the season started with great ambition and hope.
In September, 3 of the first 4 games were at DV and hopes were high for a flying start. The Grasshoppers of Preston were the first visitors and they were sent back up the M6 with a comfortable victory going the way of the home side. ‘Still things to work on’ came the cry from the coaches, and right they were. Young Wincott took this a little too literally and went off to put another 3 stone on (in a week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Littleborough were dispatched with relative ease and Blackburn also. The game of the month was seen down t’road at our neighbours in Tyldesley. A pulsating battle ensued as both sides took the game to each other and with a combination of big hits, flowing rugby and the odd disagreement, Tyldesley scored just wide of the sticks in the final minute. Their young kicker (who had pinged Wigan all over the park up to this point) somehow missed his easiest kick of the day to allow the visiting pie eaters to take a 1 point victory back to home soil along with local bragging rights.
Optimism was carried into October where results became a little mixed, with 2 wins, 2 losses and a draw from the 5 games. Perhaps the most disappointing was the performance against Vale of Lune, where we came away with a 28-3 defeat. On a brighter note Wigan continued to maintain bragging rights with a good win away at Bolton on what could be described as a leveller of a pitch. With 6 wins and a draw, with only 2 defeats Wigan were riding high in the table chasing the eventual promoted sides Rochdale and Fleetwood.
November started with the visit of Sedgley Park 2’s, sorry 3’s, where Wigan were beaten on home soil for the first time in a year. The Wigan side could be quite proud of their efforts as they lost narrowly to a SP side that had started with 1 sub and then produced 5 more, just as the SP 2nd team game against Lymm had been called off – just a coincidence??? I’ll let the spectators of the day decide! The first of 3 games against Fleetwood saw Wigan visit the coldest place on earth where there were more worries that Frank, Cyril and Ronnie might actually catch hypothermia. Wigan pushed the eventual league champions (elect) all the way before losing out narrowly.
We wont talk about December as there were only 2 games and people were more interested in Xmas. Just for note though, we lost them both, against Fleetwood and Rochdale.
The end of 2011 had seen the mighty 2’s have a slightly mixed start to the season, but with 7 wins, 2 draws and 5 defeats all was not lost and there was still a strong league position to play for.
January was a good start. Smurf was a very happy bunny as he had received the best present a son could wish for - a brand new wardrobe and back strap. He had inherited Steve Kelly’s but he kept dropping it and it was a bit damaged, so when Daddy Smurf presented him with his new IKEA double door, he couldn’t stop grinning ear to ear. Wincott was now 125 stone and looking more and more like Johnny Bravo as the days went by. Cally had decided that the tramp/Russell brand look was old hat and decided that a good hair cut was the order of the day. Worked a treat – got himself a girlfriend!! Tops returned alive, which was a bonus considering the exhaustive festive season and the many occasions made available to impress the chaps with a wide variety of personal stunts. Gregson and Chip had swooped to make a surprise signing over the break as Wigan unveiled Keith Lemon to dislodge Higham in the number 9 berth. In all honesty, we didn’t see Zac again after Lemon turned up – wonder what happened to him. Tim started playing a new instrument but somehow damaged it, well I think that’s what he meant when he tried to explain he broken his banjo. I told him the guitar was much easier to learn anyway!!!

Anyhow, back to rugby matters………

February was just December in disguise without the fat bloke with a beard coming down your chimney….. with losses against Fleetwood (again!) and Vale of Lune (again!).
As the daffodils started to grow so the results continued in erratic fashion with 2 wins and 2 losses in March. Although a defeat at Kirby Lonsdale, the annual coach trip provided the lads with enough ammo to keep the bar room laughs coming. Mr Gregson reverted to type by doing the old party trick of falling asleep standing up, whilst Dicky was again found in the back room of the Bowling Green trying to hump anything that stopped moving for more than 3 seconds……thankfully Chip Junior woke up just before Dicky managed to undo his belt.
As the season came to a close and with the 2’s seeing the chasing pack close in around them, April saw a win, draw and defeat and a heavy one at that with Rochdale scoring over 50 points at DV – the heaviest home defeat since Frank Morgan was a lad.
So, the season ended with Wigan finishing 6th in the league. A return of 13 wins, 3 draws and 10 losses is really positive given the average age of the side being around 12, although raised to 156 when Smith, Topping and Lucas start in the front 3. There have been many highlights of the season with a raft of young lads coming through to make competition for places really tough. The coaching team have had to make some tough selection decisions this season, which is a real step forward in developing the future of the Wigan RUFC.

Young Michael Cox has arrived on the scene, although his progress has been hampered by forgetting his scrum cap and not being allowed to play by his Mum. Timmy Grundy has been a real go forward player and he hasn’t been tempted to follow in his Dads footsteps and wear shorts that are 3 sizes too small, although yellow boots for a back row forward are open to debate. Topping has continued to terrorise the opposition with his unreal knack of stealing ball from seemingly impossible situations, whilst continuing to have what are arguably the longest toe nails in the world. We have adopted ourselves a pet ginger scouser in Fozzie and taken in the worlds maddest soldier in Woodsy (who was seen doing a 3000 mile run the day after a game last week – the next Mick Singer????).
We have seen the re-emergence of Smurf, who has not stopped smiling since Xmas, who managed to put his wardrobe down and smash the DLS centre a couple of weeks ago. Young Wardy has returned to the fold and the old stager Steve Kelly managed to lace up his boots without putting his back out. Nurse Gregory has shed around 15 stone and is now an established back row player instead of a fat hooker – he clearly doesn’t get the theory that the older you are the more likely you are to move up to the front row – not move away from it.
The next challenge is to keep the squad together over the summer break and continue to build fitness levels with achievable aims of a good cup run and stronger league position. Perhaps the biggest challenge will be to rebuild Gregson, whose arms and legs fell off after his 2 min season debut at Grasshoppers, although Chip Junior has offered his Mr Potato Head set to see if we can match up any bits.
We enter Wigan’s centenary season with great hope and optimism and we know that the togetherness and spirit will never wane. Here’s to many a weekend drudging around B&Q and until we all meet again at the end of August, toodle pip!!!