2NDS SECURE SAFETY AFTER FARLEY WIN
WARNING - THIS MATCH REPORT WAS WRITTEN BY MALCOLM GRIFFITHS SO MAY NOT BE UNDERSTOOD BY ALL!
At times in mankind's history, there arises a situation on the Blue Planet where forces of Good and Evil must face each other in a Titanic Battle to decide how the future is to unravel... And so it was, last Saturday, at the Home Of Cricket as Farley 2s came to slay the humble, self-effacing types of Winterbourne.
The Firsts were away on a hiding at Bournemouth, and so the Fraternity of Seconds assembled to try to ensure our survival in the Regional Div 2 NW.
We felt the enormity of our quest in extremely high definition...
Anyway, Farley opened with their trump card - no, not Donald - I'm talking about their deployment of the mighty ULTRON himself, Harry Jenkins, fresh from his annihilation of Wilton by an innings of 169 Not Out the week before.
Fortunately we deployed our Captain America of the day (Manny Gurung) to take him on and beat him - in fact in his first over - and he was removed for a sorry Duck by an outswinger which he nicked to SuperDan behind the stumps! That set the tone for the afternoon. Harry was soon joined in the Pavilion by Keith Redding (caught brilliantly by Ian The Flash Hattersley in a superhuman run to intercept the flaming comet of a ball), for 1. Then Warley joined them both, also for a score of 1, and also caught off Ganesh's incisive, intelligent bowling;
on this occasion by our very own Spiderman, Juddy. (Sadly the Scorebook doesn't detail the FOW, but I know it was "not many for 3" by this point!)
Farley had called in all their allies, and summoned up the forces of the Septuagenarian Elite in the earthly form of 3 of the best 70-year old players you're ever likely to face! T. Lerwell had a fabulous touch and placement of shot, and could have done real damage to our cause if he hadn't pulled a hamstring early in his Innings - he rested for some bionic repairs, and then returned later - eventually scoring a remarkable 31 Not Out with the aid of a very lively Running Man whose energy would have made Schwarzenegger feel inadequate. ("You thought it was
funny out there in the zone? What's the matter now, bitch! Why aren't you laughing?" - this was the quote on the lips of Costley, Mac and Kay when thwarting the Farley attack in the field at all times, I'm sure.)
Meantime Burrows was bowled for the mean (and 'median'?) sum of 1 run, by a quick ball from Captain America. Then we faced a young Clark Kent in the form of Ayling A., who looks and plays like the very son of Jor-El himself! He battled magnificently against tough odds, and with 43 was looking to make Journal headlines until he shipped an awful top-edge out to Square Leg, closely tracked by SuperDan, who picked up the ball and flung it pin-pointedly at the stumps from 30 feet as they attempted a second run - Clark Kent was out by a metre.
With the tail now in, Gurung hit the hyperspace button and deployed the random element in the form of Naren and Griffiths. The former bowled Blenkinsop for a Duck, and the latter chucked down some odd weirdness - with one ball embarrassing Webster's middle stump for 9, and another which was so bad that Andy Redding top-edged it, then head-butted it (shouting "See you Jimmy!", no doubt,) and SuperDan snaffled it after some initial superheroic confusion.
Mike Scrase came in late, and made heroic attempts to post a decent score, but even he fell for an unlucky 13 to the death-rays of Capt. A; as did Williams, who cut one to Gully for nul points.
The first skirmish was complete, with Farley posting 133 All Out. All was set for the next confrontation - after a lovely Tea produced by the kind hospitality of Mrs. McDonald!
Sorry to kill the mood, but in hindsight, and looking at the dry remnant of a match which is a Scorebook, the final phase of the conflagration was rather anti-climactic. Young Ayling (aka Clark Kent) attempted to bowl, but has been suffering a back injury, and wasn't able to do justice to the ball as we suspect he ordinarily might. He opened, but bowled just 1 slightly erratic over. With a heroic Physio, I reckon Ayling will be a name we hear much more of in Planet Earth's future.
I hope it's not blasphemous to associate Ganesh with a certain Indian deity, but his batting was not a little godlike, opening as he did with Dan. He strode onto the battlefield like a whole juggernaut from the Bhagavad Gita, and let fly salvo after blessed salvo to smite his enemies!
He started slowly, to be fair, but ended 46 Not Out, and only missed out on a 50 due to his Captain's profligate scoring at the other end. SuperDan demonstrated his humanity by popping up a gimme early on to a Fielder who was so surprised by the generous gift that he let the red comet be influenced by the forces of gravity, and dropped it. Then in Dan's shame, and perhaps a hint of humility, SuperDan was bowled by one of the brilliant Septuagenarians, Williams. On this rare occasion Dan suffered from a dose of Kryptonite, which rendered him
momentarily more like 'Donald Duck'.
Captain Fantastic then came to the fight, and frankly it looked like a walkover - Manny hit ten 4s and one 6 in his innings of 77, though it's perhaps the number of 2s and 3s he ran which tell a tale of focus and commitment. Burrows' bowling was largely unremarkable - but we'll remember it for his dismissal of our seemingly indomitable hero-of-the-day.
John Williams finished his symphonic 10 overs for a miserly 21 runs, with 1 wicket and 3 maidens - it gives hope to everyone under the age of... well... everyone!
Mick Hunter made a spectacular grand gesture to finish the opposition off, but was caught well for 8 off Andy Redding, so Ali Judd popped in to join Sangakkara... Sankaran, sorry. [Spellchecker?] and they took us over the vital 134 to win.
Hopefully we can capitalise on the good spirit in which this game was played with Farley, and carry it on for the rest of the Season and beyond.
We're all heroes, really.