Royston 2nd 0 v 64 Hertford Termites

League and cup double header

Match report from Ian 'Chippy' Collins:

Bloated and cold and far away from home. Not much going for this one in the semi light of post Christmas post sugar overdose post booze fest gloomy January. A league and cup double header was the feast against Royston2s who were already out as we wobbled over the car park to the cavernous changing room.

As soon as you're in the changing room you know it’s good to be back. Mas and me had a chat and we are gonna make our millions on this stuff. Meet your mates. Get in the changing room. Take your clothes off. Put some kit on, rub some changing room sport smelling type stuff on. WATCH a match on a tele, take the piss out of each other, have a few tins, take your kit off, have a shower, put some post match smells on and go for a pint before your Saturday night out. If you miss out the muddy bit you even keep the other half happy. What’s not to love.

The banter crackled and we jokingly squawked about not really knowing the calls off the scrum half which are generally howled by Player of the Season Preece. We chuckled. Inside we were crapping our new M and S snugs fits:

1. because none of us really know them, we just run around making loud noises hoping the ball goes to someone else
2. when you get it wrong you get a proper bollocking from the aforementioned or, in the case of Besty, a Gilbert thunderbolt to the increasingly rarely used fun gun.

Some poor bloke looking like the ref rattled the changing room door to see if we were going out. “How long sir?”. "15 minutes", he replies. Besty unintentionally aggressively pipes up “Mayyte we ain’t gaaaaaing aaaaaht until foooyyyve miniiits befowww keeek aawwwwffff. The bloke legs it and we return to the exhausting and ongoing rationale about wearing your wife’s tights because it’s cold from you know who.

Off we went, more John Deere than our usual callipygian best and MoM Olly made more serious furrows than most. Yeah, yeah, I get a shoeing for nominating the skipper but he did have a decent run out, didn’t get injured and managed to get us out after getting his pants pulled down by the 3s midweek.

The warm up was a shambles but it was a hoot. Health and safety out of the window with Dossy returning to the fold and throwing mud balls at will; child.

The game started and continued a furious rate, sort of quick walking rugby. The scrap up front was brutal and the scoreline is unfair to the oppo. There was some outstanding running rugby from both sides entertaining our biggest crowd of the season. Angry bagged 2 within 8 minutes after some well drilled pick and drive, the second one requiring a gallop of 40 meters. The kid was on fire all day and somehow avoided another score.

The MoM was unplayable in the 3 quarters playing off Preece and the immense Roberts. They steered it for the 80 and Olly made the holes. Mitch danced and deceived and wings in Risley and Spencer had some Campesesque fun coming up the park to join the fun; to be honest it was that or freeze to death out wide.

Notes to half centurions, 7 of us? Byrne smashed, Best and Hewlett shared hooking duties at 49 and 57 respectively. Mas, Mayes and yours truly raised the pretty stakes. Ian B in the row is there or thereabouts and our scrummage was immense. Some ridiculous bravery and running from Jack, young James and big Jim Power paved the way for the rest of us. Note to Jacob who kept us safe at home and scored a screamer and one to Dossy on his first touch.

Jack had a mini break in the second and fair play to the ace ref, I wouldn't send him off, I reckon the dark is scared of Jack. The remaining tight 7 still dominated the set piece. Both sides were useless in the line out and the day went to running rugby at a cracking rugby club.

All them tries and no hat tricks???? Scorers are approximate.

Groves 1. Best. Hewlett. Chippy. Bingham. Bartlett 2. Power 1. Byrne. Roberts 1. Mitch 2 Preece 2. Risley. Olly 2. Mas. Spencer. Mcatamamamy 1. Mayes. Dossy 1. Fergus.

Att 67.