With the Chequers car park out of action, the Astons touring party, or some of it at least, gathered in the car park of the village hall on a lovely Friday morning in late July.
I’m still not entirely sure of the size of the touring party, due to people going direct and late arrivals, but I think it ended on 17, with Ben Hargreaves sadly having to miss tour due to a last minute sickness bug.
The drive down, with Springer at the wheel, was the most scenic we’ve ever had on tour, with no motorway stretches and plenty of picturesque rolling hills as we headed down to Dorset.
Now we usually christen tour with a couple of cheeky cans on the way down, but with George very generously stocking the minibus with his bodyweight in booze, the thirsty and weak-willed tourists soon found themselves 4-5 cans down by lunch.
Lunch had been organised by Dan to be at a vineyard which proved a lovely setting for some expensive sarnies and sausage rolls, before Mike Wigg and Mikey got into a wine-buying contest that inevitably Mike won, as the team shared 7 bottles of wine.
The booze cruise finally ended as we found our way to Weymouth and our residence for the weekend – the Riviera hotel. The Rivi, as it became affectionately known (due to the bulbs only lighting the first four letters of the neon hotel sign) was no doubt an impressive venue in its early days, but had fallen into a slightly tired state over the years, though its position over the beach was fantastic.
The lady on the front desk, sporting a voice deeper than Frank Bruno, let us stow our luggage in a storage room before not even batting an eyelid after Dan ‘bagged’ Mikey, as signs of ‘Bad Dan’ began to emerge.
Luggage stowed, we promptly made the short walk down to the beach bar to waste a couple of hours before the evening match.
Our first match was against the ambiguously-pronounced Beaminster, at a fascinating little ground that had a heavily sloped short boundary that had the batsmen licking their booze-stained lips.
Despite the state of inebriation, the quality of the bowling and fielding in the Beaminster innings was surprisingly impressive, even if some of the chat in the covers and from the scorer wasn’t.
Swainston and Springer were the pick of the bowlers as the hosts were limited to 153 off their 20 overs.
In reply, the visitors made light work of the chase, as the top three of Swainston (33), Saunders (30) and Cummine (53*) smashed 11 sixes between them as they exploited the short boundary, and the Astons wrapped up a surprisingly easy run chase within 16 overs.
As the game drew to a close, the hangovers started to kick in for a lot of the players, as energy levels fell off a cliff. The trip to the local pub was a brief one as Dan lobbied hard to head back to the hotel so that he could get an early night.
On the way back to the hotel, the previously vocal Swainston was ominously quiet on the minibus, and as soon as we pulled up to the hotel, his bullfrog dash to his hotel room was in vain as he spewed just short of his room, thus living up to his nickname of ‘Vom’ Swainston.
As for the rest, some retired for an early night, others popped down to the beach bar for some karaoke, in which Sammy was a runner-up in the under-13s boys competition.
The Saturday saw the team find the excellent Lookout Cafe not far from the hotel for breakfast, which not only boasted excellent views and a mean Full English, but also probably the best customer service ever witnessed (and a yoga class that caught a few wondering eyes).
The Saturday game was a bit of a drive away, against a team called Plush, which was mostly made up of very sociable farmers. At a ground in the middle of nowhere and overlooked by an impressive hill, Astons batted first on the Astro wicket, and again the top three fired.
This time the self-proclaimed ‘Engine Room’ was promoted to the top order, and despite Dan missing out with an early dismissal, messrs Kilcoyne and Springer batted very efficiently in putting together a century partnership.
After both retired, the middle order all chipped in with useful runs from George, Matt Blewitt and possibly a personal best of 14 off 10 balls from Steve Smith.
After a quick turnaround, Dan opened up with the big guns as Steve Smith and Imbush formed a 141 year old new ball attack, which didn’t disappoint. Both picked up early wickets, including a phenomenal diving caught and bowled by Imbush – a clear leader for champagne moment.
There was also a contender for Lambrini moment of the season from Mikey Chandler. Helping out the opposition, he was actually bowling some pretty decent leggies, before his attempt at a doosra saw him chuck the ball over fine leg’s head for four, which I think Swainston is still laughing about today.
With Tom Wigg cleaning up the middle order, Mikey added some respectability to the score line with a typically destructive half century coming in at 11, before a strange episode occurred where the dismissed batsmen just kept on coming back out to bat. After several more wickets, and the game starting to feel like the timeless test, the skippers eventually called a halt to proceedings as the Astons won again, I think.
We attended the Rivers Arms pub after the game, which was a beautifully unique establishment that had a lovely veranda to enjoy the evening sun and play the standard tour games with the opposition.
After heading back to the hotel, there was the usual chaotic scenes as everyone tried to get ready to go out at differing speeds, before half the team jumped in taxis into the town, and the other half embarked on walk along the front that took an age.
We eventually amassed at the Gloucester Arms, at which the ‘Engine Room’ developed their own secret handshake and jingle, Springer plied everyone with tequila even though no-one wanted them, and Gavin convinced Swainston that a shot of vinegar is a cure for hiccups (it isn’t!).
After a few games, the group split, some jumping in taxis home, some walking the never-ending walk home, and the rest attempting to prolong the night by going to some local clubs, before remembering that clubs are truly awful places.
Sunday morning saw some pretty impressive hangovers, with new tourist Matt Blewitt probably sporting the best/worst, as he looked like he could topple over at any point.
After another visit to the Lookout Café and then packing up, we set off for the famous Cerne Giant hill figure, for the primary reason of being able to make a load of willy jokes and to take the team tour photo.
After that, we set off for our final destination, the picturesque town of Blandford Forum to play the final game of tour. After a pleasant pub lunch, we rocked up to an impressive town ground with the usual lethargy of a Sunday of tour and players queuing up to sit the game out.
Astons batted first, and put in a decent batting display against a decent bowling attack, with Ralph and Kilcoyne providing the backbone of the innings as they wracked up 151 off 35 overs.
Hopes weren’t high for defending the score, partly because the hosts boasted several 1st XI players and partly because most of the tourists were struggling to stand up.
Despite this, the tourists picked up wickets on a regular basis, with Cummine spearheading the attack with four wickets.
The chase ebbed and flowed, but wickets fell at regular intervals to keep the game finely balanced.
With one wicket left to take, it looked like the visitors had blown their chance as misfields and a dropped catch saw the hosts move to within two runs of victory with plenty of overs left.
But much to the delight of the semi-conscious tourists on the boundary, Ralph found the edge of his opposite number and Sammy took the catch behind the stumps to secure an unlikely victory for the Astons and also a rare clean sweep on tour.
After watching the ladies Euro final in the hospitable host’s excellent clubhouse, we set off on the scenic route home as another excellent tour drew to a close.
This was another highly enjoyable tour for the Astons. Attractive grounds, enjoyable pubs and excellent company and the key ingredients to a tour, and this tour had these in abundance.
Special thanks must go to Dan and DK for organising a seamless tour, and to Springer and Jeremy for driving the minibus. Its important to note that none of the drivers or organisers get any kind of discount on tour, they do it purely out of their good nature, and we can’t take that for granted.

Tour photos (more to follow from Tom Wigg)

https://www.pitchero.com/clubs/astonscc/photos/weymouth-tour-2022-1026019.html