Mannerians 31 Loughborough 0

Mannerians 1st XV 31pts Loughborough 1st XV 0pts

Mannerians completed their recent trio of target matches with a comprehensive victory over Loughborough that constituted arguably Chris Weeks’ squad’s best team performance of the season so far. The game was generously sponsored by Charles Duncan of Mark Jenkinson & Co, and Mr Duncan could scarcely have chosen a better one to support.

It was the visitors though, no doubt motivated by arriving at Lady Manners School to find no water, changing, or lavatorial facilities available to them, that started the more aggressively and dominated the early exchanges. Only niggardly Bakewell tackling and counter-rucking kept Loughborough at bay, and the early loss of Harry Kidd to a dislocated shoulder threatened to destabilise the home efforts. But Chris Taylor came from the bench bristling to get involved, and started putting in hit after hit as Mannerians began to take control.

The set pieces were functioning effectively; Will Brocklehurst provided a stream of line out possession and the robust front row of Henry Lofthouse, Jimmy O’Neill and Peter Carr ensured a solid scrum platform. Ethan Bagshawe and Ed Hutchinson linked well at half back, and despite suffering a nasty bout of Middle Earth Belly – cured by whisky and Imodium – Henry Bagshawe produced an exceptional display in midfield. Mannerians began to pound the Loughborough line, with only the occasional poor decision or mistimed pass preventing the opening try.

But there was an air of inevitability about the try that was sure to come. A well-worked set move from a scrum saw Tom Crapper licking his lips as would-be tacklers were batted aside and he slid in under the posts to give Zac Dann an easy conversion. Next up was Ben Hopkinson, crashing over after good work by Rob Middlemiss who played his way out of defence and enabled the Bagshawes to power forward, birthday boy Alistair Gregory to drive in and set up a solid maul to tie up the defenders, and Hopkinson to add the finishing touches.

The second period saw Loughborough’s resistance ebb away and Mannerians up the scoring rate as Coach Weeks made tactical changes to keep the visitors guessing. Alex Drage came on to the wing and immediately started to make a nuisance of himself, and skipper Jack Duncan atoned for a couple of early aberrations with some fine counter attack play. Ben Rylands and Peter Carr, vying for the accolade of maziest runner, weaved up the park, the backs executed some slick passing and Duncan scampered in for a fine try, with Dann adding the conversion.

Coach Weeks next gave a breath test to Adam Pearce, still in the midst of celebrating his third 18th birthday in successive years, and decreed that Pearce was at last sober enough to give the hard-working O’Neill a rest. The anaesthetised Pearce was straight into the action, combining with Taylor to steal a Loughborough ball, and Ethan Bagshawe flipped a pass to the menacing Drage, who tore up the left wing before finding Hopkinson at his shoulder and the flying number 8 slid in for his second of the day. By now the game was being played entirely in the visitors’ half, and again Mannerians were only kept at bay by desperate tackling. A couple of close-range scrums saw the Bakewell pack held up just short, but at the third attempt the drive was too powerful for Loughborough and Hopkinson’s hat-trick score was the archetypal pushover try. Dann’s conversion took his side past the 30 point mark, and a well-earned bonus point victory was secured.

Former manager Joe Oldfield had mixed feelings about the result. “There’s no doubt the performance was top-notch,” conceded Oldfield, “but it casts a cloud over my plans to be the Bakewell Mourinho and stage a triumphant return to my rightful job. I’ve been turning down position after position but if they carry on like this I’ll have to look at alternatives. Unless the board still sees the wisdom of a change.”

“But I digress.” Oldfield went on. “I understand comments in the crowd that if we had 15 Henry Bagshawes we’d be even more awesome, and I have it on reasonable authority that plans are afoot at committee level to have him cloned, but to be honest, today every player showed the same quality as Henry and long may it continue.”

“I shall be absent from next week’s trip to Market Bosworth as Nicky is taking me on a trip to Finland to explore the effects of extreme cold on the human body. She has read a report that says extreme cold can make a gentleman’s extremities go rigid, so goodness knows what she has in mind.”

Team: Duncan; Crapper, Dann, Bagshawe, Middlemiss (Drage 50); Hutchinson (Middlemiss 71), Bagshawe; Lofthouse, O’Neill (Pearce 60), Carr, Rylands, Kidd (Taylor 3), Gregory, Brocklehurst, Hopkinson

Scorers:
Tries: Hopkinson (3), Duncan, Crapper
Conversions: Dann (3)