When it comes to the nuclear holocaust, scientists will agree on only two things - cockroaches are likely to outlive us all, and Mark Doran will still be scratching his guard on that 4th team square while the fires of hell rage around him. A stalwart of Division 11 cricket, he has now officially joined the list of Bentley CC over-somethings that have produced a child better at cricket than they are, joining such luminaries as Brian Coleman, Martin Larrett and Richard Dines. A relentless accumulator of runs, there is no finer sight in the game than his whole body gradually slowing down as an innings progresses, generally giving up completely somewhere around the 84 run mark.

Describe yourself in one word.
Old

How long have you played for Bentley CC?
Since 2009

Fantasy tea (2 x sandwiches, 1 x savoury, 1 x cake, 1 x wildcard)

Cheese and pickle, ham and mustard, sausage roll, Battenburg cake and strawberries. I’m easily pleased!

If you could share a century partnership with any cricketer from history, who would it be?
Joe Root - Plays beautifully, is going to the best English batsman ever and is always smiling and laughing. It would just be really good fun. I might even get a run in our hundred partnership.

What’s the best thing about playing for Bentley CC?
It’s the best club in the world with the best people. A beautiful ground with a bar…. What’s there not to like!

Who would play you in a film of your life?
George Clooney….my Mum used to think I looked a bit like him…..as someone pointed out, “yeah you do look like him, sort of an ugly version!”

Whats your earliest memory of Bentley CC?
Taking Matt to the club on a Friday night, watching him run off to play .Getting a drink from the bar and then saying to Lorraine, "I think he’s joined the wrong age group, That’s the older age group….oh well!"

Whats the best shot you ever played? Whats the best ball?
Best shot For IV s against someone I've forgotten. It was getting late and they started to waste time, which really ……. annoyed me. I let the bowler know how I felt, politely of course. Next ball was short and intended I think to be at my head. I pulled it for a one bounce four over mid wicket. I didn’t even know I could play the pull shot!!!!
I have bowled a grand total 2 overs for Bentley and went for 14 runs. So any ball that didn’t get smashed must be my best

The best thing I can cook is…… Steak and chips

Who do you travel to away games with and why?
Being IV team captain and having so many young players, I go with anyone who needs a lift.

Christmas, Easter or Halloween?
Christmas……time with the family…can’t beat it.

Who outside the world of cricket would make the best fast bowler and why?
Alex Ferguson…..I don’t like him, but know he would be mean and nasty!

Tell us a joke
Captain to umpire !!: “My players would like to know if ICC has rules against thinking
Umpire: Thinking. Not really….Why do you ask?
Captain: Because my team THINK you’re a (*snip!* - Ed.)

Fantasy 3 man slip corden to get you through a 90 over day (living or dead)
Gary Sobers ( I want to know how he stayed up all night partying and scored a hundred the next day), Ian Botham (pretty much the same) and Freddie “mind the windows Tino” ( same again).

What’s been your biggest cricketing disappointment?
When I was 18 I trained really hard for a few weeks, practicing to bowl fast, I thought I was doing pretty well and told the club captain. He let me bowl. At the end of my spell he said to me “ thank God you didn’t get a wicket……you would have had an average”

What is your dream job?
I was an FX trader in a bank for over 10 years. I didn’t get rich, but I had a lot of fun…..oh and by the way, I didn’t cause any financial disasters!

Which cricket game do you wish you could scrub from history and why?
When the IVs were all out for 37 at Bentley. Not a good day!!!!

A day at the Test match, an evening T20, or watching a game at home?
At the test match …you can't beat being there

Where in the world would you love to play a cricket match and why?
Lords because it is the home of cricket or alternatively somewhere hot.. I hate the cold!

If you could go back and give an 18-year -old you some advice, what would it be?
Chase your dreams, don’t let anyone tell you can’t do it, learn everything you can from those who are good, but always do it your way. …and enjoy every minute. ……sorry was that supposed to be about cricket?