Brace yourselves, CARL League fans, because FC Berlin (4-0-0) is about to put on a show this Tuesday evening! Our fearless warriors will step onto the battleground at Bechtel Park in Waterloo for not one, but TWO high-stakes matches before engaging in a legendary third challenge—an all-you-can-eat duel against an ever-growing army of chicken wings. Victory in all three contests is the only acceptable outcome.

First, our Coed team will defend its flawless record against the ever-sly Sneaky Pandas (3-0-1) at 9:00 PM EST. Immediately after, they'll take on the hungry Futboleros FC (0-1-1), a squad looking to turn their season around. These back-to-back battles will test the endurance, skill, and unwavering determination of FC Berlin.

But as the final whistle blows, the night will be far from over. Our squad will march onward to a local pub, where their mettle will be tested once more—this time against a formidable force of fiery, saucy, and utterly delicious chicken wings. While the opposition may be relentless, we trust in our team’s ability to consume with the same intensity they bring to the pitch.

Meet the Warriors Leading the Charge

At the heart of FC Berlin’s success stands a quartet of sensational female athletes: Samantha Murphy, Tamara Lisser, Florencia Almada, and Alessia Orsini. These powerhouse players have been lighting up the scoreboard and leading the team’s offensive charge with finesse, flair, and a pang of sheer hunger for victory.

Behind them, we have the ever-reliable Thomas Nunan, a rock in defence who also chips in with crucial goals. Newcomer Dylan Ribeiro has already proved to be a game-changer, making his presence felt in the attacking third. Captain Santiago Almada is determined to reclaim his top form, while Aiden Bertoli—our ridiculously good-looking defender—continues to mesmerize both on and off the field. Some say his mere presence is enough to warm the coldest of Canadian nights.

Oh, yes, Juan Almada will be there too.

The Elephant in the Locker Room

However, not everything is sunshine and rainbows for FC Berlin. The team must once again navigate a recurring obstacle: making space for club president Gabe Almada, who insists on lacing up his boots at the tender age of 58. Despite his lack of coordination and questionable speed, Almada remains a terrifying presence in the attacking third—not because of his skills, but because opponents fear the sheer physics of a collision with him. Nobody wants to risk calling a tow truck mid-game, and frankly, who has that kind of money on them?

Though his teammates may never admit it, they secretly enjoy his presence. But let’s be honest—perhaps it’s time for Mr. Almada to start planning his retirement match before soccer itself decides to fire him instead.

The stage is set, the stakes are high, and FC Berlin is ready to rise to the occasion. Whether it’s on the pitch or at the dinner table, one thing is certain: our warriors will fight with passion, grit, and an unquenchable thirst for victory (and beer).

Stay tuned, stay hungry, and as always—Berlin on three!