Once more, the intrepid Bognor Vets set off on their annual city break and decided to go upmarket with a tour to Reading. All met for coffee and pastries on Friday afternoon and, after hugs and handshakes with old friends, they departed into the setting sun.
The customary game of 3 card brag was soon up and running and some tourist’s financial fluidity was nearly over before we got to Chichester. But it wasn’t long before the charabanc pulled into their first watering hole to be greeted once again by landlord, Coronary Clive, and his wife, the lovely Margaret, sporting a new hair-do but the same cleavage. In an unusual departure from usual practise and in homage to girls on tour, some members decided to start on the Prosecco, which resulted in much merriment and general derision.
The tourists soon set off to head for the bright lights of Reading Central and, after a quick spray shower, met at their second arranged venue, Wetherspoons. This bore an uncanny resemblance to Hatters, with patrons sporting shell suits and not many teeth and, after taking an hour to buy the first round of drinks, the tourists dispersed to satisfy their own personal vices.
For some this meant a nice bottle of wine and an evening meal, for others it was dancing cheek to cheek and swapping phone numbers with flamboyant young men in O’Neal’s. However, all tourists made it into their own beds before sunrise in order to be fully rested for the lunchtime game.
Team selection and tactics took place the following morning over orange juice and muesli and, after the availability of players had been ascertained, a starting fifteen was finalised. After several energy drinks they boarded the coach for the short trip to Redingensians RFC.
An early kick off had been arranged in order to finish in time for the World Cup semi-final and to ensure we got a seat in the club house before the hordes of rugby fans arrived. Therefore, after all necessary support bandages, medication and nicotine had been administered, the game began.
Once the whistle blew, Bognor soon managed to clear any nerves and got into their stride. Initially, the two teams seemed evenly matched with Redingensians probably edging the best of the early skirmishes. But Bognor’s forwards were dominant in the scrums and at the lineout Mitchell B confused the opposition with his rendition of ‘I can sing A Rainbow’. This tactic gave their opponents very little to work with and, when they did manage to break through, they were unsuccessful at getting past Hay at full back.
It was no coincidence that it was during the five minutes that Hay was off with an eyelash injury, that Redingensians scored the first try. After a botched Bognor lineout, Redingensians caught the ball at the back. The defence was too old to react and their prop sprinted a full thirty meters to the line untouched by a Bognor hand.
The response was almost immediate. Having had several close attempts to score, Bognor finally broke through after sterling work from Desperate, playing through the pain of flat feet, shipped the ball wide. This gave an opportunity for Pigden to commence a mazy run, showing true pace, even with pockets full of stripped lead, and bursting through to score under the posts. The conversion by a faultless Spurle made the score 5-7 at the break. During half time, refreshments were provided after Gibson managed to stop playing Candy Crush on his phone for a minute.
At the restart, it seemed to come as a shock to Bognor that they were required to play a second half and Redingensians soon began to take control. Lineouts went awry and scrums started to be lost. A few dubious penalties awarded by the referee gave the opponents a chance to run in four unanswered second half tries. Final score 25-7.
After the game, Bognor spent so much time in the dressing room with their warm down exercises and post-match mutual massaging, that they had to battle their way through the crowds at the bar to find seats to watch the RWC semi-final. Fortunately, a bed had been made up for Clarke, who had become overtired watching Bognor’s exciting game. He was woken in good time for the trip back to Reading Central where he and Parsons took advantage of the extra hour in bed by hitting the sack at half six.
The rest of the party headed off into the night for an evening where tales of derring do and close fought defeat echoed through the streets of Reading.
Team: Zubler, Mitchell.P, Sargeant, Parsons, Stock, Mitchell. B, Worthington, Baldwinson, Brown, Spurle, Nitchell, Russell, Cullen, Pigden, Hay, O’Brien, Lewin. Linesman: Myhill. Water boy and communications guru: Gibson. Refreshments: Clarke, Thomas. Security: Slade, Barnes, Mathews. Transport: Smythe.
Man of the match: Hay