This was a great game to be involved in! A great performance as we had ten people drop out over the last couple of days before the game. Well done to all the boys who filled in at the last minute and especially those who only went to watch and ended up putting their (well someone else's) kit on.
This was my first run out of the year so I have been buzzing all week. Even though my birthday at the start of the month meant that I had been forcibly shoved further into the dark echelon's on Vet rugby I was as excited as a 15 year old about to go on a Maths field trip to France!!!
(I bet that doesn't make the final cut - Old Man 'Fleet Street Freeman' has curtailing my scribblings for ages now! "And I have gotten away with it if it hadn't been for those pesky Internet Inappropriate literate peoples.....)
Anyway the wife wasn't too happy with me on saturday so she buggered off with the kids early doors. Moaning something about me and my delusions!!!! ME? I was so shocked I nearly fell off my unicorn!!! Well I had a bit of time to myself. I had a little play on the computer (no not that!!!! She won't tell me the parental lock password) And I was shocked to hear the accusations about Jimmy Saville? But, when you think about it.......
So I drove to Droitwich, a town so backward my computer keyboard can't accept the word Droitwich as a legitimate word! I was very early so I decided as it was my first game I should get ready early and warm myself up properly. So I get them to open the bar and had a beer. The others arrived half an hour later and Ruffy bought me a Bud as well!
Well this day was going nicely. But then it started to go array when Liam said we should get ready and play some fookin' rugby. Oh, go on then. I gave meself an ooch on my army war my at training so I asked not to hook. So I was given the number 2 shirt....TA! We had a load of drop outs this week and six on saturday morning. Now that is a crock of shit! A special mention must go to Will Power (who still hasn't had a cigarette since new year - now thats....err... actually forget it) And Wardy who stepped in at the last minute.
Our warm up was the usual 6 aside touch game and then a few back moves and a little less than jogging pace and the forwards ran through a few line outs (as much as you can with a hooker at second row, no one to throw in and one prop who was chatting to a centre who had just been drafter into play back row)
We kicked off and they scored apenalty within two minutes!!!!! It was annoying to give away a penalty so early with not much pressure on us and to be honest I can't remember what it was for? Which seriously could incriminate me as those are the type of things that tend to slip from my sub conscious . But after that it was a very Camp game! they never looked like scoring again and we bossed the tight and screwed them over when we span it wide. Browny scored our first try after some good tight work from the forwards, we shifted it wide at pace and Browny scored. Liam added the extra's. Our second try was very similar, Ruffy took it on, he tells me he made a back rower look foolish as he turned him inside out, popped it to Liam who spun it to Wardy out wide. Ruffy then tells me that he picked up Wardy and carried him 50m over the line. Well thats what he told me? I KNOW!!!! LOL's all round! I hear that is how the gentry communicate these days? Liam could not add the conversion. He did get a later penalty to leave the half time score 3-15 (which incidentally the vision score of 67% of the population of Droitwich.
At half time Liam wanted us to continue the good tight work up front to let the fancy boys win us the game! 'Remember there is no 'I' in team, yes my friend but there is a 'U' in ****! Similarly Droitwich were pumped up after the break. There were lots of high sixes going on and whooping. They did start well and took the game to us (we could have been a bit more switched on really) But it was their best passage of play. But they did not really look like scoring. Then we broke them. A turn over and a second try for Wardy (he then went on to drop two more over the line) Also, in melee, Ali got smashed in the gob and looked like Bubba from Forrest Gump. Its ok, we didn't mention it much.....
The second half continued in much the same way as the first. Except Cookey came on with his new (s)wanly One Direction haircut. But he is still a gobby s@@@e. But despite he could not turn the ref against us! Droitwich had a real bee in their bonnets about him. So we kept accepting ten metre gains at penalties and sniggered at what it was like to actually be the good guys for possibly the first time in Camp Hill's history! This was exemplified when one of their lads passed the ball out of touch forward instead of kicking it out (we were in the 22) so we got a penalty try! Look, I ain't looking no gift horse in his mouth (weirdest saying eva?) But it was a tad harsh. But, they would have took it.
With five minutes to go we got a penalty ten meters out. I think one of their players sneezed or something? Anyhoo, I took the tap on with all the speed and athleticism of a Trojan Horse. Laid it back and we span it to Browny to scoot past four players to score his second. Liam converted (the kick, not to Islam) and that was about it. Oh, Patch and Will Power were chasing a kick ahead tripped each other up and both had to go off. I thought it was hilarious until I realised I would have to go into second row! And even worse Busby would have to come on! Me and Danny Ingram in the row? A couple of seasons we were the wingers? Where did we go wrong Danyal San?
It was a good game to be involved in. The intensity was nearly there, on another day, against a more cultured foe we could have been in real trouble. But fair play to the boys who came in on saturday morning and to Cookey and Busby for putting on someone else's kit to help us out. 7 out of 10 boys! Well Done!
On a disappointing note, maybe it was due to a long summer, maybe a lack of drinking issues recently? But I forgot WINE OF THE WEEK!!!!! I am sorry, I let the boys down, my family and especially my liver. Efforts will be doubled against Old Salts this week.
Crap Hands - Wardy - a double jug avoidance (one was over the line)
Squealer - Droitwich - they made us look like the nice chaps?
Man of the Match - Hard to choose but Browny for that last try.
Twat of the Week - the eejit who forgat the wine.
1 Chris Brown - Apart from battering Rihanna I like him propping for me.
2 Frank - A shoe in for the Lions?
3 Alders - Moaned about propping, moaned about an ickle bump on the head, moaned about wine of the week - all valid moans by the way!
4 Andy Blakemore - when he went off injured his kindly older brother asked, what the f''ks up with you, you faggot?
5 Danny Ingram - How times have changed, where is the gas of old? Wrote to Jim'll fix to express his love of Violins when he was little, and he asked to spend the day with a fiddler. He went on three times.
6 Will Power - My new favourite Marvel hero! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it the ball flying over the four jumpers head....
7 Tom Patchell - Cookey has copied his hair (they also have a boy band pose) Must die....
8 Bill Blakemore - Bravely refused to go second row.
9 Mike Brent - I miss him from The Office. As he missed my foot on the first 2 scrums
10 Moz - There IS a 'U' in c@@t
11 Ruffy - I wonder how the hamstring are this week? After that 250m break? Now, I hit on women and get head in a club. Ruffy is dyslexic, he hit's women on the head with a club. That explains a lot.
12 The Hunchback of Notre Dame - well he was a ringer?
13 Ali 'Bubba' Wildey - We got fried shrimp, garlic shrimp, boiled shrimp.... Was off to a museum on the Sunday, I wonder if he was off to visit his side step?
14 Wardy - two tries and two f@@k up's. A veritable mixed bag.
15 Rich Brown - If he lost a stone he would be coming on the Lions tour with me...
16 & 17 Cookey and Nige Busby. Really apreciate you getting changed on the side of the pitch and playing for us!!! And Nigel was there too.
See you next week