Saturday 17th September, year of our lord 2011 (unless you are Hindu, of course)

Camp Hill 2nd's 80ish - 14 Dudley K 3rds. Well the ref didn't know either...

It was a lovely autumnal day in the green pastures of Hasluck Greenage, you could hear the gentle tweeting of an asbo on his blackberry in Shirley park as his looting pals rode their newly aquired bikes up and down the skate board ramps.

Now it isn't an urban myth that DK often put 40-50 points on us so we were really up for putting a big performance in, especially after two great games to kick off the season. A good win at Bourneville and a better performance away to Luctonians which ultimately led in a very narrow loss. Not that you would have heard about the last game as no other bugger that writes a report! I mean seriously this website wouldn't be worn a tish if I didn't do all the pundritry! I was well up for it. I only had 1 1/2 pints of Peroni with my lunch. Nb lamb kofta's before rugby is a big no no!.

The good news before the game was that Liam had dropped himself so there was bound to be some fast flowing rugby played. The bad news was that he had put Clarkey as Captain. As a wise old man once said- nurse I have wet myself! A very apt point indeed...

As I got to the club it was a welcome sight to see the remnants of the night befores 70's night! Nick Freeman's eyes looked like the proverbial ********* in the snow!

The talk in the dressing room was that of, is Josef Fritzl dead? No he is still in prison. We summed up that he would be used to it as he had spent the last ten years in a cellar anyway.

To be fair the warm up was good, we all seem clicked on and ready to take it to the opposition! Then the ref turned up a cheered us all up... To quote the great bard from The Taming Of the Shrew, in on of my favourite passages, where ist the mistress? In her chamber receiving a sermon of contenancy, so that she, poor soul, knows not which way to look, to speak and sits as one arisen from a dream. And I think we all felt the same as we walked away from a verbal patronisation, in which he owned the pitch! And we all know it is the park pitch, that municipal property! The fool!

Well they kicked off to us, we knocked on (as per...) and they ended getting a line out on our five metre line. Steve Pensom leaped like a juvenile reaching to the top shelf in the corner shop trying to teef a copy of 50 Milfs weekly, he tapped it down on our side and it bounced over me and Stu Watts and they managed to touch down. Very lucky. We got straight back at them. A good kick off and I managed to twat it back down to Steve Pensom who knocked it on (just to see how he liked it)

From then on it was a totally dominant display from Camp Hill, we battered the in the loose, We battered them in the tight,

I think Andy Watson got the first, whoever it was it was a great break from his own half, through their centres and dummies the fifteen to touch down. I ran sixty metres in the hope he would get snagged and have to unload. The little bitch didn't even get a hand on him.... I didn't do that again!

I think we scored again through the backs and then again we touched down only for mr happy referee to disallow it for passing the ball over the try line... Strange call, but very good as I scored from the resulting scrum (from no. 8) next Phil Dams was apparently held up, he wasn't, but again I scored from the five metre scrum and hurt Pat, our open side as I touched down, he had to go off but I think he learned a valuable lesson, stay the chuff away from me if I am sniffing at the try line! I will break you... Well he gave a penalty try because their 7 dived between my legs to stop me scoring. So I claimed it morally, strangely no one argued? Result!

We totally dominated the rest of the half and ran in a few more tries, I can't be sure who scored as I was either under a ruck or having a bit of a Mucklows beer. But we went in 34-14 up, they scored again through one missed tackle but it was a small blot on an otherwise faultless half.

We talked about concentration, keeping it tight up front and letting the backs do their thing in the second half, no glory hunters! Well bugger me with a badger we chugging well did!!! The second Half was even better!

They came at us but our 'D' was great and we took the sting out of their sales. Danny Ingram ran in a great try from forty. Well to be fair, he did it in the first half but I am writing this on an iPad and I can't scroll back. Sorry Dan! Our scrum was dominant!

Braggy, Luke and Phil Damms totally had their opposition on their heels, Steve Pensom bossed our line and theirs, Rich Floyd pushed well in the scrum and Danny Ingram, Pat and Phil Ferdinand who came on for Pat when he got in the way of my vinegar stroke! The number 8 did well too. The backs.... Well they looked pwetty!

Then my game came to an end, I had snaffled their second row and he was screaming he has to let go of me! I retorted, you're not even on the found yet you p***k, oh yeah, sorry. Then he fell on me hand. Crack! Ooh that felt funny.. Can't move my thumb, but it seemed in place. I went over to Beccy on the first team pitch to see what she thought? Tendon damage apparently? Well at least I got to see three tries in my five minutes by the pitch, sadly all three were scored by Bourneville! Well let's get back to a winning game, via the bar! A pint off Dave Mac and I was ready to see the boys run in the last few tries. I saw a beauty but I can't tell you who scored as I might get fed to the Lions! Rugby

We had a penalty on their five metre line, knocked it on. The nice ref gave us another go. Their captain complained and got yellow carded! He he! Then Danny got involved in an altercation and, fair play to him Dammsy waded in and took their boy out of the way. He got a Gorky headbutt for his troubles and the other kid got a red! He he he he! That was about it. We were well worth our win and DK were gracious losers. We offered to get the red card rescinded, but they said don't bother! We don't really like him! Oh Jake shilston came on and ran in two tries, one where he gassed their back three. Good skills.

It was a good win, a good determined and disciplined performance and a good crack!

OUR TEAM

1. Luke Mac. - seems to be getting more intelligent the longer Adam is in Ashby De La Poophole.
2. Phil Damms - good game, good luck for your year away learning English.
3. Braggy - you are a prop, always have, always will...
4. Steve Pensom - very good game, ruled the line out.
5. Rich Floyd - settled into the game well after a nervy start.
6. Pat - stay away from me near the try line
7. Danny Ingram - his son head butted my poorly thumb.
8. Me - perfection....
9. Stu Watts - a good game, spread the ball well.
10. Dan Robinson - 11 out 12 kicks, 12 tries? Nuff said!
11. Andy Barker - played well, ran quick!
12. Simmo - battered their centres.
13. Mark - broke the line very well. Too generous with the ball.
14. Clarkey – Captain!?!?!?!?
15. Shall remain nameless after a ridiculous six way side step with a one on one with support both sides.

AWARDS

Man of the match - Every bugger. Great game.
Pr!ck of the Day - very hard to say but the six step shuffler just shades it.
Squealer - no me, I was very brave! Pat wins by a country mile!
Thief of the week - shockingly Pogo! Three balls and some new water bottles! It is always the quiet ones...
Crap hands - well me, now!

Wine of the week. I didn't whip it out as I was sulking about my poorly MIT but Danny text me later to say that he was enjoying a nice Temporalino, a nice fruity Bulgarian red. Tom Horton who wasn't even playing was enjoying a Chilean Merlot! Nice to see my alcoholic tendencies still continue in my absence....

Cranky franky