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Sat 10
 Belated Tamworth report

Belated Tamworth report

By simon bloxham
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Courtesy of our own movember porn star Gazza Owen - welcome back Gaz

While sitting here scratching my head for an ice breaker, I thought I’d start by pointing out that this was my first game for a while and also this is my first report for a while too! Now if you judge my performance by what I’m about to write, you would have probably stopped reading by now!

As we were over a week into movember, I arrived at the club expecting to see an array of upper lip growths. But I was left disappointed, upon looking around, there was a high number of young fresh faces, so I’d put the lack of growth down to puberty?

News from new 3rd XV team captain Russ there was no 1st XV or 2nd XV game and as the 3rds have sometimes had trouble fielding a team, a few of them wanted a run out. Now with the addition of the 1s & 2s, they would take the function out of dysfunctional! A nice blend of talent and experience… and the 3s!

The talk amongst the dressing room was if JP would turn up and if he did would he run out for Tamworth or us or a half with both. But to everyone’s disappointment he didn’t show. In fact Tamworth haven’t even showed up yet and it was 14:00! Suddenly a car turns up, a guy gets out with his kit bag but to the confusion of us all he didn’t look like one of us! So we ask him “are you Tamworth?” He replied “indeed he was” and the rest of Tamworth were on their way. With time approaching kick-off Tamworth were changed and out ready in 10mins! That sort of feat would never be matched by us as most of us need to strap up all the fat!

Onto the game, they kicked off, turned over ball, dominated possession for the first 5mins and eventually dotted down under the posts before converting. In and amongst Tamworth celebrating we were left questioning “Ah Tamworth have turned up then!” But that proved to be the catalyst we needed as we quickly nulled their score with one of our own. In fact most of our points came from the 1st half, with a centre combination of Charlie & Barney you are always going to get over the gain line, much to the chagrin of Tamworths defence!

In desperation to stop the marauding centres they pretty much threw the book on the art of tackling out the window and resorted to throwing their bodies at their legs! Lucky to get away with some as they could quite easily have been sinned binned for deliberate tripping! But they were missed by the ref amongst other decisions!

Cavesy, not one to have a quiet game himself, wasn’t going to let the centres have centre stage (boom boom!) went on a few rampages himself and duly dotted down, not sure how many as I didn’t see a jug in the bar afterwards!

But the try of the half, in fact, try of the game was scored by our ever improving wing, Elvis. He picked up a loose ball in our own half, used his pace to beat 1 defender into space, but by then he was on his own as the support wasn’t quick enough to catch him! Now with the fullback to beat and not much room on the wing, he slowed, side stepped and with a change of pace beat him on the outside and dotted down under the posts.

2nd half saw a ring of changes in the team and as a result we pretty much had a different game altogether. Bloxy decided he wanted to help the ref out by running the line, don’t know how that’s going to go has he has trouble keeping up with play as it is! But has the ref had trouble keeping up with play himself and most of his decisions made nowhere near play, Bloxy had nothing to worry about!

In fact Bloxy didn’t have to run the line much as for the majority of the half Tamworth were camped in our half. That was the perspective I had anyway. The 2nd half was quiet in terms of the scoring, I think it was 1 try apiece (correct me if I’m wrong).
The game got disrupted when a Tamworth player got injured and had to be carried off. Will Power kindly offered to help but instead of carrying the injured played he decided the carrier needed assisting!

We all know that our Saturday afternoon games are not possible without the man in the middle, but I think the laws of the game needs to be revised. How can dropped catches that went backwards be deemed a knock-on??? The agreement then was to catch all high balls for the remainder of the game. Considering there is a prestigious award for crap hands I doubt that would be achievable!

Also the linesman, sorry assistant refs were always overruled, why did he bother requesting them?

In all in a good game played by all and well done to Tamworth who had a good young side, they remained competitive throughout even though they had to face 2 teams!

1st Half
1 – DOG
2 – Uncle Ellis
3 – Chef Dave
4 – Yours truly
5 – Young Floydy
6 – Moon
7 – Will Power
8 – Caves
9 – Bloxy
10 – Faulkner
11 – Smart
12 – Charlie
13 – Barney
14 – Elvis
15 – Russ ©

2nd Half
1 – DOG
2 – Chef Dave
3 – Chris Brown
4 – Ade
5 – Kyle
6 – Danny Ingram
7 – Hackney?
8 – Caves
9 – Patch
10 – Faulkner
11 – Alan
12 – Russ ©
13 – Hefty
14 – Clarkey
15 – Harry


Try of the match – Elvis
Crap hands – Everyone who dropped the ball giving the ref easy decisions!
Should have gone to specsavers – The Ref
Lean on me – Will Power
“You shall not pass” – Tamworths defence facing Charlie and Barney!
Outstanding player - Bloxy

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Match date

Sat 10, Nov 2012