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Sat 05
Yardley
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54
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3XV
Big Jacks first try, hat-trick for J.R. Hartley,  first try for Luke - and Bloxy, naturally, outstanding

Big Jacks first try, hat-trick for J.R. Hartley, first try for Luke - and Bloxy, naturally, outstanding

By simon bloxham
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Blimey - no reports for weeks and then two in succession, there's a West Mids Police joke in there somewhere.....


5th February 2011

Yardley and District II’s 0 Camp Hill III’s 54

Right, before we start – can I just point out that one of our front row is disappearing. The fat copper is becoming ever so slightly less so as a result of numerous appearances at Weight Watchers....delighted, he is, as he announces "I’ve lost 14½ pounds now, feel great, right down to 19½ stone…….”

You’ll be ballet dancing soon then, Flemb...

So to the game. We always have a good game against this lot, no matter what side they put out. I’ve come up against them many times – at Erdington it was a bit of a local derby, and you always knew what to expect – good, honest old fashioned rugby, never say die attitude, keep plugging ‘till the end and the odd bit of spice here and there to liven things up, and so today proved

Again we had a cast of thousands although this was helped by our hosts having 2 late cry-offs (and a subsequent injury) so thanks to Alex Thompson, Andy and Flembo Jnr for sportingly making up their numbers – in fact Alex and Andy played the whole game in Y&D colours despite being offered the chance of the second half in Camps shirts – I think that must be some sort of reflection on our 3rd XV image – the last time anything similar happened was as Sils when we elected to play with 14 players rather than bring Busby on…

So, Big Jack starts his second senior game in the second row, Flembo on the front row, then Flembo Jnr enters the fray in the back row for them and guess whose reffing – in fact it was a right ‘Flembo Fest’ and not one of them with a clue as to what they’re doing….

….proven when Flembo Snr lines up for a scrum on the wrong side not only of the scrum but also of his fellow prop leaving his hooker dangling on the other side like a bit of spare skin.
This was made even funnier when Lardy Finnan, clearly spotting the schoolboy error, immediately packed down and put his head in-between the two props, still with Uncle Ellis (hooking) dangling loose on the other side roundly cursing Flembo, and the opposition just sadly shaking their heads – pure poetry, you couldn’t script write this stuff.

Despite a few ‘ringers’ being available we started with as proper a 3rd XV as we could and the so the front row (Uncle Ellis, Fat Copper and Ade ‘oldest player in the club – eh JD?’ Melhuish) packed more weight than hair (not for long – eh Flembo?), second row a blissful blend of youth and experience at the opposite ends of their playing careers but not a clue between them (Jack, Lardy) and a great 3rd xv back row of Beggars, Gary Owen and Alex – more of them later.

Backs were the regular outfit of Kimbo, Lewis and Dave 'J.R.' Hartley (more of him later also) with Forest at full back with Russ and debutant ringer Luke Creanley on the other wing (not sure how long he’ll be with the threes…well, pretty sure actually).

So, we shamble out, throw and drop the ball a few times, stub out the fags, stop scratching and off we go…

…and absolutely smash them.

The platform for this performance came from the back row – take a bow Beggars, Gary Owen, Alex and latterly Mark Alderson – every breakdown cleared first, every dangerous back row move snuffed out, every ‘step back inside’ backs move running into a solid defensive wall, every 50/50 ball ripped on our side and some immense tackling.

Alex Beedy had probably the best game I've seen him play, strong running and great tackling. Beggars ripped every ball and smashed every opposite player like a man possessed, Gaz Owen did all the hard dirty work on the ground and Alders got round the park like a scolded cat and hit anyone he could reach (and hit anyone that got in the way of him hitting anyone!) - well done lads, great games all.

This engine house allowed some of our ‘less mobile’ (here insert fat, lazy, geriatric, asthmatic, bone effing idle – your call – it’s a ‘you decide the ending’ report) forwards to do the heavy work in the set piece and (eventually) at the breakdown and gave us numbers covering the pitch as the point of attack changed – mostly as they were lumbering aimlessly between scrums looking for someone to fall on.

The scrums were a joy to work around, the power of the nudge and some sharp hooking from Uncle meaning the real score must have been at least 4 or 5 nil – could have been more.

They say forwards decide who wins the game and backs decide by how many and so it was today. Despite some saying the overworked but flawless scrum half not having his greatest day with ball in hand (scandalous slander) we still managed to rack up 8 tries all through the backs, or forwards in backs positions, and gobsmackingly. 7 conversions – take a bow Forest (6) – one of them was even slightly off centre of the posts!

Kimbo provided bulk in the 10 slot and continually broke the line before throwing a forward pass (backwards, Kimbo, you remember..) – centres running and tackling well, wingers taking the ball, making ground and recycling – it was almost like proper rugby

Particular scoring performances of note – J.R. Harley – best performance yet, great lines of very strong running and a superb Hat trick to show for it – well done J.R., marred only slightly by the lack of cash for a jug – noted – next home game please….

Big Gorgeous Jack (Flembo Jnr, er, Jnr…) bagging his very first Camp Hill Try at any level, love you Jack – congratulations – mind you with the amount of Flembo’s about one of ‘em had to do something sooner or later…..

Uncle Ellis – popping up close to the edge of the pitch and doing some sort of strange ‘tippy toed’ shuffle before finally breaking into a gentle trot to dot down in the corner (afterwards claimed as searing pace on the wing) – whatever it was he was doing worked.

Luke (ex Camp Hill 3rd XV) claiming his inaugural Camp Hill Try

Forest bagging a brace to add to his 6 (yes six) conversions

Subs came and went but the flow continued – Triv entered the fray after Flembo Snr was seen hopping around with a bit of pulled fat in his leg – that’ll be too much dieting mate, you’ve gone too thin.
Another new lad, Kieran, joined in the fun – welcome
Flembo Jnr swapped their back row for our No.10 slot

In fact 'uncle Tom Cobbley and all' had a go – and all of us laughing while we did it! – Happy days

Well Done Yardley & D – a good, hard Birmingham rugby side – couldn’t have enjoyed it much but didn’t moan and stuck to it right to the end – good sports in that uncompromising manner they have.

Well done the Flembo Posse – even Flembo Ref had a good outing – nuff said….

Naturally, Bloxy outstanding as ever, accuracy in passing at its absolute best…

Busby’s 65th this week, or something – Friday game under lights – we’ll try and keep him awake until the final whistle.

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Match details

Match date

Sat 05, Feb 2011

Kickoff

15:00