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Sat 26
Birmingham Exiles 2XV
3XV (or was it the 1XV, or could it have been it the 2XV??) win at Exiles

3XV (or was it the 1XV, or could it have been it the 2XV??) win at Exiles

By Nick Freeman
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report from Karate Kid

Saturday 26th March 2011

Birmingham Exiles II’s 7 v Camp Hill III’s 36

I’m up to my arse in crocodiles at work, it’s Tuesday lunchtime and I really haven’t got time to write a match report. However, I’m pretty sure the level of abuse to come on Saturday for not doing so would be unbearable, so a quick summary is as much as you’re getting.

The II’s and IV’s got cancelled so a cast of thousands for the III’s looked likely, but a pleasant surprise found us with a full complement and three subs for the outing to Exiles, and on closer inspection a rather good looking team.

Despite the presence of some recent first team regulars the warm up was very much III’s style; lacking in energy, commitment, skill, or general interest in being ready for the whistle. On the upside it guaranteed that the water bottles wouldn’t need refilling before we started.

From the outset Camp Hill dominated possession and territory. The forwards were in bullish mood and made every scrum a challenge for exiles, on the downside they were getting panned in the line out. The backs were rampant, at least when we didn’t knock on or fail to catch the ball… and yes, I know, I was the worst offender, lambasted by Clarkey as a “useless club handed wan***” or something similar! But c’mon guys, be honest, everyone had a punt for the crap hands award at some point. However, the first award of the week is all mine for being a useless club handed wan*** far too consistently!

So, we dominated the match, scored a bunch of tries, and kept them out. Ok, so they got 7 points off a freebie from referee Looney; Wooly slapping the ball away on the line. The scorers – Kimbo (oh, and a penalty and conversion), Braggy, Ronnie, Clarkey, and me. Despite the score line Exiles stayed at it and were competitive all the way.
Just adding that up we’re 6 points short, so someone else must have hoofed a couple.

Not much else to say about the game really, from a wingers perspective it was a good game, the ball was getting around the park and the backs were involved from the off. Forrest forgot how to pass again, but to be fair the one time he tried I clubbed it! (and it was forward anyway). The back row were fantastic all game, but no surprise really, Dog, Braggy, and Beggars, replaced by Darren Forder in the 2nd half, not a bad sub-option for the III’s!

The full lineup:
Triv, Wooly, Chef Dave, Jacko, Gary Owen, Braggy, Beggars, Dog, Flembo Jnr’ish, Kimbo, Clarkey, Ali, Me, Andy Spencer, Forrest, Perks, Forder, and Ronnie. Everyone worthy of a mention for some reason or other, but I haven’t got time so tough!

Is there anything else worthy of mention?

Ok, so for anyone that Forrest or young Wardy didn’t tell, yes I mistakenly got over excited and decided to chase down a conversion, our conversion. At some point I’m really going to have to learn the rules of this great game! It’s bad enough when the opposition are looking at you like you’re a complete twat, but to turn round and see your own side pointing at you and belly laughing their tits off with no explanation is horrific, particularly when you’re utterly clueless as to why! To compound matters when Forrest could finally get the words out “What were you doing you Twat!”, my reply was “chasing it down in case it hits the post”. I think this was the final straw, Forrest fell into a jellylike wobbling convulsion! Clearly, I am a f***wit, and am the worthy winner of the second award of week – Twat! To be honest though I think that a trick was missed here, you could have said nothing and had me chasing down conversions like a twat for the rest of the season. But I’m sure I’ll f**k something else up at some point so more ridicule is a certainty!

Ok, need to get back to work now. DK’s at home on Saturday, so we need another strong team out, get your txt’s in to Rich and let’s see if we can get some revenge for the ass whupping we took over there a few months back.

So, personally, not a bad game, a try and two Oscars, roll on Saturday. Meanwhile, I’m going to go and buy some new oven gloves and a blindfold in readiness!

See you Saturday, best wishes from,
The club handed twat of the week!

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Match date

Sat 26, Mar 2011