Karate Kid writes.......

Camp Hill III’s   57     -     12   Birmingham Civil Service II’s
After the disappointing loss to Aston Old Ed’s II’s last week we needed a good performance, which in turn should deliver a good win – we got both.
The changing room had a relatively young feel to it, less tape and a lighter whiff of deep heat than the norm. With Captain Bloxy away on vets duty again Kimbo took up the captaincy role on his behalf, and Lewis filled his scrum half boots. Kimbo, in an attempt to comfort Lewis, proudly announced that if he was a 9 he’d like a big 10 inside him! Hmmm… not a pleasant thought.
As we strolled off (sorry, sped with vigour and focus) to the park pitch we came across our opposition attempting to con us into thinking we should also be taking the warm up semi seriously. But in true III’s style we stuck to our principles and went through the usual motions (shambles), and a couple of set pieces (catastrophies). Having said this it was obvious that there was only one game plan to be employed today. There was enough whale fat on show in the Civil Service pack to make a Japanese whaling boat captain crank one off, so back play was the call of the day.
A rousing speech from Kimbo and Floydy set the scene; we changed ends, showed Crutch our studs, and got ready to make the beer taste sweeter.
As I pointed out earlier, they had a rather hefty pack, and in particular ‘Gigantor’ the prop. Our smaller but more mobile pack stood their ground well and made it an even contest. We immediately started to move the ball through the backs, and to my surprise and elation even out to the wingers! It wasn’t long before we got points on the board with a try from Kimbo, which were followed in fairly quick succession by one for Tom Dickens, one for me, and one for Jo Jo.
We were pretty much in control of the game, with solid scrums, good tackling, and quick ball to the backs resulting in plenty of attack. To their credit Civil Service defended well to keep the score line sensible, it could easily have been another 3 or 4 tries in the 1st half if they’d let their heads get down, but they kept at it and managed to keep us out. They got some reward in the form of a try from a very lucky bounce which could have gone anywhere, but it went straight into the hands of the grateful centre. They continued to push in the last 5 minutes or so and got another try, which was admittedly very avoidable as we all picked a man to nail, but unfortunately none of us picked the one with the ball!
The handbags came out for the first time towards the end of the 1st half, Kimbo slapping a bloke who was choking Lewis, and Kimbo getting slapped by their centre. Sense prevailed, and everyone got one with it once Crutch had issued a ticking off.
Half time came and things moved around a bit, but pretty much normal service resumed in the 2nd half; another 2 tries for Kimbo (Jug time), and another for Jo Jo.
Next up, tackle of the week….
Gigantor got the ball, and started lumbering (actually relatively quickly for his size) towards our line from just outside the 22. Whack! Floydy Jnr hit him low and hard and sent him crashing to the ground generating the largest seismic activity on recent record in the midlands I’d say. There was some initial concern, he was holding his chest, making extremely pained noises (IE Squealing if he were a Camp Hill player), but he soon put concern to bed with a monumentally loud ‘Fuuuuuu**’ at the dismay of being absolutely nailed! He retired from the field gracefully (Thank fu** we didn’t have to stretcher him off!) and was replaced by a smaller fitter man, Rich Hudson!
Play resumes. Concerned that he might score another try and have to buy a jug, Jo Jo decided to join the slapping club and enjoyed a little flurry with our friend ‘the centre’ and both saw yellow.
Another change saw Dylan (the dishwasher from Mortons) come on in my place and then move to scrum half with Lewis moving into the centre.  He promptly managed to score two tries, perform a ludicrous jug avoid to give Hicksy a try, and then got heckled by Forest, Greig, and myself from the side to drop kick one of the conversion’s rather than wait for the tee. Yep, he fluffed it, but even worse did a grass cutter off the tee for the other. Must have had some coaching from Forest then!
The two 10’s decided it was time to compare Louis Vuitton, with their boy trying to nail Kimbo (well, he did say he’d like a 10 inside him!!). Kimbo responded by picking him up and bear hugging him, then slam dunking him after he got bored of being slapped around the mid-riff!  Another 2 yellows so at this point we were without a 10 or 12! Almost tailor made for a scrum half with wayward passing ability….. Unfortunately he was away with the vets J
The final try of the session went to Alex, making it 10 in all. And after what seemed like an age Crutch blew up for sweet beer time. A thoroughly enjoyable game for all involved, including the spectators I was later advised; Greig Smith claiming it as the best game he’d seen in ages.
There’s no point in going through the team sheet, everyone made a sterling contribution which meant it was a great team effort. Perhaps a small mention for the younger to the Blakemore’s who was making his senior debut. He did himself proud, but struggled a bit with his yard of ale after! I’m sure he’ll get plenty more chances.
I thought a word should go out for JK, who having only recently come back to the game after 3 years managed to rip his cruciate ligament after 5 mins against AOE last week. But he was back on the side line supporting us, and was adorned in a very impressive Stone Cold Steve Austin style leg brace. See you back on the turf in 12 months.
No one gets Squealer of the week. We can’t really give it to ‘Gigantor’ although it was an Oscar winner!
Twat of the week. Difficult, with a team performance such as it was I can’t single anyone out.  Dylan perhaps for letting himself be heckled into trying a drop kick conversion, and fluffing magnificently? Nope, not fair. Should it stay with Flembo? Very tempting as he’s ‘copped’ it in all my previous reports… no not fair, so we’ll have to pass this week.
In summary, a great game, a really good performance, and an excellent score line. DK IV’s away next week, so we’ll need to be on our game again, but hopefully we’ll be able to make it two in a row.
Laters,
Pete ‘Karate Kid’ Thomas
PS, with regards to my rather unfortunate nickname, I was lambasted by Ruffy after the game whilst Forest was taking the pi**, “If you were so good at Karate, how come you’re so sh1t at rugby?” I failed to provide an appropriate repost, but as I now have the mic…. “I can only take solace in the fact that you’d be significantly more sh1t at Karate than I am at Rugby!” However, I do see your point!! J
PPS. Kimbo was skint so didn’t buy his jug!