Old Colstonians 27 - 10 Cotham Park

Cotham Park 1st team drew Old Colstonians 1sts in the second round of the cup. We lost. The opposition were a soulless collection of factory farmed drones built to look like modern rugby players, corn fed and suckled on a never-ending supply of protein from the tit of private education. These guys were so identical it was unreal. While they looked the part their bulk was a charade of paper-mache strength and dry farts. Cotham by comparison were forged in fire and brimstone in the rugby gulag of Failand, in the same sort of way Bane had to call his childhood (in the new Batman film). Old C’s forwards did not like it one bit. We won the scrums time and time again, Cresswell doing good prop shizzle. Sage complained of not having hurting pain in his shoulders due to their weak scrumaging. However, on a day of sun, wind, rain and hail they won 5 tries to 2. Here is a brief run-down of the game

The first try conceded was almost farcical in nature from a scrum on our 5 metre line. Damo put the ball in the side and went to the back to retrieve the ball and throw it to Loz in the usual manor so as to clear our lines. Their scrum-half ruined that with illegal play - offside and interfering before the ball was out the scum. We were wronged. The ref missed it. Their forward rumbled over with a try. Bad start.

The game had a lot of kicking, lots from their 13 (when all Ben Higham wanted was his opposite number to have a pop). This kicking gave our back three plenty of ball. Training paid off, communication voiced and counter attacks were made successfully. CJ made numerous scything runs. Return kicks from Elliot and Gaz found their mark.

Cotham pressed forward many a time, good offloading and Damo took every chance to diddle his opposite number making hard yards and choice kicks on tap. Jonny, back from NZ (we missed you buddy) was getting to the break downs pronto supported by our other faithful forwards. Jonny Alexander led by example, scoring our first try thanks to a quick pick up and dummy pass from the back of the scrum.

Moley ran one touch line but got taken out by two players and twisted mid-air to land hard on his back (could be worth a cheap laugh in a ‘You‘ve been framed’ sports sequence). He got up without ceremony.
Check out these bullet points…

Marcus had good hands to provide a noteworthy pass to substitute Simon on the wing

Simon had some penetrating runs including a good pick and drive in his stride

Matt Smith played well in his first full match back from injury - solid all round performance.

Watching ‘Snakes on a plane’ as I write this… it’s shite don’t watch it. There is some naked tits though.

Loz had a good game stepping in at 10. Kicking, running and continually vigilant, he spotted a weak spot on the blindside of a ruck and smashed through to score.

A serpent just emerged from the aeroplane toilet bowl and striked at this dumbass American right at his cock! That’s what I call a trouser-snake.

Cotham had some really nice, fluid passages of play linking well across all players.

Snakes are scary now.

Only 3 separate shower cubicles in the changing room. Marcus, at his insistence doubled up with me a space more confined than a phone box, He assured me he did it all the time when he was a student at Colstons. Hmmm. Sounds like a ploy...

Tries: Johnny A, Loz
Man of the Match: Damo

Good hustle but we can do better. Get fitter, get to training and we’ll improve. Bring your towel because afterwards we are all going to shower together in one big naked man group, just like normal.

Laters,

Ben Higham