Cricketers Club of London vs Stage CC

(Credit: Pete Langman)

If it may appear to the uninitiated that a Cricketers Club of London match report leans in an overly heavy fashion on the vagiaries of the natural world, may I point out that cricket is but the universe in microcosm. It is, like a mandelbrotian deck of cards, self-similar at every level of magnification, while simultaneously reflecting the world it represents in a sort of Esher-sketch, the simplest of actions revealing perspectives and resonances ever unexpected. And so it proved at an overcast Buckhurst Hill CC, where the titans of stage, screen and constabulary took issue with the mighty Cricketers and an epic (but jolly friendly) battle was eventually decided following a frankly superb performance by Billy Anwar, who followed his haul of 3 for 20 with an imperious 119 not out.
The toss was won by the nominative home team, who kindly invited the Stage to try their luck with the bat. And so they did. The Cricketers were just ten in the field, or so it appeared until fine leg began to move shorter and shorter. A cry went up. 'Stoat!' Stoat? You read correctly. A beastie of that description had appeared on the outfield, in no little distress (though the causes of its discomfort were a mystery), and proceeded to run in circles around James Brodrick, pulling him ever shorter. Said animal was captured with the aid of the keeper's gloves (stoats, for those unacquainted with the creatures, are voracious, sharp-toothed predators) and escorted from the field in the umpire's panama (a hat whose subsequent aroma is doubtless picquing the interest of lady stoats still). With the unregistered fielder now terrorising the pavilion, Brodrick and Umar Choudhry proceeded in their plan of terrorising the Stage opening partnership. Their plan appeared flawed, however, as the first 19 overs yielded 121 runs for just the single wicket, that of Jones, who decided to pull a straight ball to Malik at midwicket, who held a fine, low catch.
But then came a small flurry, as S Chandarana bunted the ball to Malik to fall for 59, Manthorp followed suit for 13 and Billy trapped Wideson LBW for 4. R Chandarana then fell victim to both Malik and complacency, as he ambled to the non-striker's end having struck a fine straight drive. An easy single. At least, so thought the entire field. Osman, however, had other ideas, and followed a highly impressive pick-up with a nonchalant flick of the wrist as, totally off-balance, he threw down the stumps. Even the batsman was impressed.
From a promising, if not intimidating, position, The Stage succumbed, as several theatrical cliches were steamrollered. Tebbut hit a rapid 34 before losing his wicket in a quite astonishing manner. The scorecard may read 'bowled MacDonald-Barker' but this does not do his dismissal justice. MacDonald-Barker's loopy, dipping deliveries often lure batsmen into injudicious shot-making, and Tebbut's plan was primarily to step into the off-side and pull every ball he could to fine leg. This rather terrified the wicket keeper, but that's another story. Tebbut tried too hard, approaching a ball that pitched a foot outside off stump in this manner and pulling the ball mightily, but directly into his stumps. He was practically crying with laughter as he left the field.
The Cricketers went to tea with the feeling that they may have got out of jail. Khan had fallen for 69 and the Stage innings, that at one stage looked like it was going to romp past the 300 mark, was ended on 236. A superb tea was enjoyed by all (huge thanks to Steve the Chef) and it was time to bat.
It must be noted that our innings started off rather badly, as the pavilion saw the first ball re-arrange James Lawrence's timbers. Was it going to be a rout? Apparently not. From 0 for 1 off 0.1 we moved effortlessly to 120 for 2 off 19, as Choudhry was neatly stumped for 45. Malik and Anwar then put on another 80 or so before Khan snuck one through Malik's defences for an excellent 50. Brodrick stayed alive long enough to finally cross the line with a mighty 6 (the first ball he middled), but the innings belonged to Billy Anwar, whose mighty 119* included 16 fours and 1 six. Well, that and Lawrence's trombone accompaniment, one that leant heavily on the Specials.
All in all, a game that epitomised the game of cricket in the wider sense, and the world beyond. A topsy-turvy, hokey-cokey game in which both teams were under the cosh, on top of their game and caught in the middle. And all this with stoats and trombones. Hard-fought, graciously won and lost, and greatly enjoyed.