Help for Heroes Match Report - 1st December 2012

Frampton Cotterell Vets were invited to play against an ex Artillery vets team to raise money for Help for heroes charity, with out doubt this was
over subscribed with players as the news went out retired players were dragging their battle weary bodies from there sick beds to be a part of this fantastic cause.

Tim Buffery captained the army and immediately set about his battle plan, last used in the 1944 landing of Normandy Tim went for the highly successful tactics of beating the living daylights out of Frampton.
Early in the first half playing with the slope, wind and tide Tim sent his men in with a pincer movement and whilst fierce hand to hand went on the left flank the ball was spun out to the right where using an over lap the first of 2 very quick tries came.

Reeling from this tactic Frampton mustered themselves behind the posts and gave each other a right good talking to and shouts of give no quarter were heard.
Frampton attacked the army side and it was apparent that this was no place for women and so the Netball ladies decided to sell mulled wine and cider to the thronging crowd and the injured players who were being replaced as they fell.

Moving the ball up the left wing Frampton strung a few good moves together only to be thwarted by the Swiss official overseeing this war also sometimes known as the referee (Mike stop that Weaver). It is well known Mikes knowledge of the game was never in doubt but it was asked on many of occasions was he sure that he was on the right pitch.
Unperturbed by these childish accusations he awarded the 7th penalty against Frampton and the army swiftly move the ball straight through the middle and using the 5th armoured division powered over for their 2nd try which was converted. 12 nil down and Mutiny being banded as Frampton’s captain studied his book of tank tactics 1942 by Rommel.

Half time brought respite to the now disillusioned and weary Frampton side, Changes were needed and the skipper Viceroy Ricky Sheppard made some bold and daring changes which he hoped would give him his Monty Casino moment.

Taking off his more mobile prop “no surrender” Zaff and bringing in Kevin the human cannonball, together with 4 other changes he hoped to draw the opposition in to close quarter stuff, this paid off as when the opposition advanced and their forwards were drawn in the ball was released quickly to the Frampton action hero Steve Handy who darting in and out of the defence raced in for the first of his 2 tries,.

Tim’s men were not intimidated by this new cunning tactic as they unleashed their Stalin organ and after ten minutes of pounding Frampton defences they crumbled and the 3rd try went on the board which was converted, so at 7-19 and 10 mins left to play term of surrender Were offered but Frampton decided to dog it out for honour.
Breaking from the right wing a breath of fresh air as Jerry Tiley received a last second pass from Chaps who for once had his Tourette under ******* control, taking 2 men with him for company scored making it 14-19.

This inspired the rest of Frampton to step up to the bar and bless him Shandy did his best but the bar was slightly to high and he had to be helped up, however he was determined to go down fighting.

Picking up a ball deep in his own half Shandy started what can only be described as a whirlwind of a run as he cut right then left leaving players in his wake, some say he was like a man possessed other thought he was lost and using the time he had to look for an off load but this never came so no chioce left he darted over the line and under the posts to bring the Score to 19-19.

This is where things took a strange turn that cannot be explained, a meeting was held on the 22 by the Swiss official and both captains, although it cannot be confirmed a lip reader studied the video footage after the match translated the converstation, the Swiss official explained that to kick the ball between the post at this stage of the gate Tanta-mounted to a war crime.
Viceroy Sheppard looking to his future as ruler of the Vets and Frampton decided it was a decision to far and kicked the ball to touch ending the game at 19-19 everyone then could say honour satisfied.
This was in hind sight a fair and honourable way to end this piece of history but I hear say that treason charges may be levied against some at that meeting.

To all I say thank you for your efforts that day, those of you who played, those that supported, and those that contributed to this cause.

In the words if the greatest Englishman ever

“Never in the field of human conflict have so much been owed by so many to so few”

I am starting to fill up

Zaff