Sat 07
Great Yarmouth-Broadland 2nd XV
Lakenham Hewett Mens
Match Report Great Yarmouth-Broadland vs Lakenham Hewett

Match Report Great Yarmouth-Broadland vs Lakenham Hewett

By Jamie Kent
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Lakenham succumb to a strong Broadland side!!

This Saturday Lakenham made the short trip up the coast to Broadland Great Yarmouth. The boys found themselves deep in UKIP country, and following an application of a new immigration based points system decided to leave Pedro Salgado back in Norwich.
Great Yarmouth is a scary prospect, especially when they are so entrenched in Euro Scepticism they refuse to believe Disneyland Paris is better than the Pleasure Beach.

Lakenham had a depleted squad however they were not lacking experience, with the average age of the bench exceeding 50 years old, including the return of Nick Bowman (it was believed Nick Bowman had died years ago however we had him frozen in 1969) YES I STOLE THE PLOT LINE FROM AUSTIN POWERS!!

Lakenham got off to the worst possible start when Dorian Squires Hamstring decided to go 'Ping' in the first minute of the game, Like the prized racehorse that he is, we put a bullet between his eyes behind a big curtain!! The injury crisis deepened over the next 10 minutes with Karl Woolf defining common myths about those who are choromosomally (Not a real word) challenged and had to come off with possibly a broken wrist (yes it was his right hand, and yes he has a carer that does it for him).

Lakenham were not to be deterred by all of the early injuries and withheld a plethora of Broadland attacks, and even had some great build up play of their own. However constant Broadland pressure allowed Broadland to gain a three try lead at half time.

Lakenham were playing well in periods, with fantastic performances from the three veterans Nick Bowman, Mark Walton and Mark Butcher, between them was 150 years of experience, NOT SEXUAL EXPERIENCE.....

Lakenham were rewarded for their effort in the second half with an interception try from Graham Cook, eyewitnesses will tell you it was probably the slowest interception try we have ever seen!!! He ran over 50 metres, and I am pretty sure we were watching him for upwards of 30 seconds!!!
Lakenham started to gain more possession as the game went on, however were wasteful in the final 5 metres with poor rucking technique, and a lack of composure... The lack of composure was akin to when the lads walk into a nightclub and meet a beautiful girl... They cant seem to finish.......

Broadland proved worthy winners, it was definitely worth noting they had quite a few players from the league above!! A great effort from the boys to stick at it with no subs from the 20th minute of the game.

We escaped UKIP country with an EDL tattoo, Chlamydia and a season pass to the pleasure beach...
Overall not a bad day

Final score
Broadland 42-5 Lakenham

Dan Baker
If I have offended you, I dont really care

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Match details

Match date

Sat 07, Dec 2019





League position

Lakenham Hewett
Great Yarmouth-Broadland 2nd XV