After Tottenham were forced to call off this weekend's premiership opener because of the actions of mindless thugs, there were fears that the Akkies may have to cancel this Sundays rubber match against the Eagles of West Leeds. However, in true Churchillian fashion, the golden oldies have declared: the show must go on!

Falklands veteran turned laminate flooring specialist Ian Dalby, 52, commented: "we cannot allow the actions of these idiots to threaten our way of life - we have to show that Britain cannot be brought to his knees by louts."

In a further act of defiance, Akkies resident Maître Fromager Geoffrey Clarke OBE confirmed that the traditional post-match cheeseboard would still be in place despite fears of a shortage at Morrisons.

The game kicks off at Old Mods at 1pm and will be followed by a touch rugby festival. Please make every effort to get down: your country needs you!