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Rhino ball gets shut down

Rhino ball gets shut down

Thomas Elsey18 Mar 2022 - 18:10
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“he’s got no shoes” “He’s got no shoes” “HE’s GOT NO SHOEEEESSSSSS”

Thomas Rickards wakes up with a fright on the night of Saturday the 11th panting and drenched in his own sweat and urine (the latter was nothing out of the ordinary, but it was frustrating that his special old people pants had been insufficient in containing his incontinence once again). Remnants of abuse about not having any shoes from a particularly vocal Nottingham fan the previous week were still echoing in his head, plaguing his every thought. He hadn’t had a good night sleep since the affair. It wasn’t fair, he thought to himself. With no game the previous weekend he was yet to prove to the boys that his trusty left twig was still as good as ever and the lack of redemption was gnawing away at his already barren insides. The crowd may have gotten to him against Nottingham, but he was certain this was an anomaly, tomorrow would be different, a change must happen. He hobbles downstairs to his rugby bag, rummages around and finally finds crispy leather of his boots. “Here they are”, he mumbles to himself, holding his old 2003 adidas predators in front of him, contemplating the many years of rugbying success they’ve treated him with. The same model as used by Jonny Wilkinson in England’s world cup win. ‘If they’re good enough for Jonny then they’re good enough for me’, Rickards thinks to himself. A wry smile appears on his freckle-filled face and a wave of confidence rushes over him like a sweaty hug from Alex Perry in project. Today will be a good day. (Unrelated, but has anyone ever seen Apex with his top on past 2am? Me neither, lucky us)

Like many games this season, LMD vs Rotherham was a must win. They were currently sat top of the table after a win against Thirsk the week before, so to lose would have been to place our destiny in the hands of other teams and after all our hard work this year we deserved better. More importantly, my dad and brother were watching so there was a real need to show that I had somewhat improved since my school career and that my move to the wing was at least 5% a result of my strengths as a rugby player. Needless to say, the pre-match atmosphere was tense, but a sense of fresh eagerness lingered in the air. After a stern talking to from coach Neil during Wednesday training session it seemed as if the boys had resisted their temptations and avoided the darnce on Friday night. A crucial move considering the slippery weather ahead of us. We would need be sharp and play our way in order to win and with a slick warm-up, the potential was there.

The first 10 minutes was relatively unremarkable as we sussed out Rotherham’s one-dimensional tactics. It remained boring until an opposition scrum on the half-way line where, with no real provocation, the Rotherham captain and flanker saw fit to introduce club fresher Danny Robbins to his big Yorkshire fist. Rumours about the number of punches eaten by Danny immediately began circulating around Leeds with figures ranging from 1 to 7 and Apex being the main distributor. It was an extremely strange move from their captain and the only explanation I can think of that he caught wind of the joue about to get thrown in his face and decided he wasn’t ready for the smoke. He would have of course been correct in that assumption.

With the numbers advantage we were slightly at ease but knew we had to remain switched on. Strong D was displayed from both sides in the opening 15 minutes, but LMD stuck at what they do best and continued to stretch and tire the 14 Yorkshire men in front of us, eventually leading to a tap-down try from Oscar after a slip up from the Rotherham 15 on their try line. As the prophesy predicted, Rickards left peg came good and the conversion was slotted from the touchline. 7-0 to the students.

The first half continued to be a gruelling display of defence from the medics. We weren’t tested tactically, but to be fair they were pretty good at making ground from their constant rhino balls and found themselves camped near our try line for a good portion of the half. This, however, was not enough to open up the LMD boys and our defence stayed strong with excellent displays from the likes of Ben White, Dave Hanna and binman. Eventually we regained possession and after a few phases Veally found a gap and skipped past the full back, heading to the try line and successfully resisting his burning desire to boot the ball away, adding another to his try-tally for this season. Rickards missed the kick but from the video we can confirm this was only because of the wind and he was in no way at fault. 12-0 medics.

A similar story played out in the second half. We would withhold a sustained period of attack, eventually forcing them to try and string together more than 2 passes which would inevitably lead to a dropped ball. Relatively soon after we’d be another 5 points up. These were the highlights:

3rd try: On his 2022 return to Yorkshire rugby, Cal MacLennan did a couple of his filthy steps and weaved his way round the right wing without a single finger being laid on him. At this point Morgan also got accused of entering a ruck with a flying elbow and threatened with a report to the RFU in what was an embarrassing display of headloss from the Rotherham touch judge. The accusation would have perhaps been more believable had it been aimed at someone with any bottle, but it was Morgan, who for once in his life was most likely innocent. As of yet we haven’t heard anything from the RFU regarding the matter, Morgan continues to walk a free man but realistically I’m not sure how long this will last.

4th try: Simple hands down the line from inside their 22 gives Elsey and his wobbly midrift chance at the tryline. Keen to impress Rickards and earn his place back in the starting line-up, Elsey turns on the gas and dots down for another 5 points and a confirmed bonus point to the boys in black. Job done. Rotherham Phoenix? Nothing.

Final score 24-0.

MOTM: Veal/Morgan

DOTD: Louis (for getting sin binned)

Further reading